The coolest thing about having adult children is when they apologize for the little shits they were when they were teenagers. 32 year old daughter found her journal that she kept when she was 14/15. Has texted me her abject apologies and asked how I kept myself from drowning her. She is the best of the bunch now, but yes, in the early 2000s I might well have sold her to the gypsies if I was given the opportunity.
So parents, if you have teenagers and it seems hard, just hang in there. They do gain wisdom and usually turn into really good people.
9
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
6 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I regret having ever apologized to either parental unit. They did not deserve it and the apologies were coerced (out of violence) or manipulated out of me. Mind you, they are/were both toxic and one was a narcissist and the other I think is a schizophrenic with anger issues. So not the stellar parent you probably were.
demifeministgal
Level 8
May 25, 2020
2
My parental units would not give or receive apologies. They were from a 2-dimensional universe.
I don't know about stellar, but I encouraged and allowed them to explore and test limits. This particular kid took it a bit too far at times, but it was a hell of a learning experience.
I am glad for your good luck. I wish my 26 year old stepdaughter was evidencing that level of self-awareness but if anything she's regressing.
They say all teens meet the criteria for borderline personality disorder but normally grow out of it. Not this one.
My wife is in a serious mental health tailspin of her own from the sorrow of this situation. I have advised my wife to draw some boundaries, and she has, but she invariably second guesses herself out of them. At some point the daughter comes back and twists the knife some more. Rinse and repeat. Another example of how people can only save (or destroy) themselves, I guess.
Both mother and daughter have retained therapists, but they are also both what I'd call "difficult patients". Wife's therapist #1 only lasted two sessions. She starts over with another one in a few days. Meantime I have the usual Hobson's Choice of worrying myself sick about all this or Not Caring. I'm sure there's some ironic Zen middle ground I'm supposed to find here but between this and Covid and the political situation in the US, I'm not hopeful of finding it or that it will provide anything actionable.
mordant
Level 8
May 11, 2020
1
Two comments:
Grand children are your reward for [being a good parent/not killing your children]
When you are really really upset, think of how much fun the story will be when you share it at their wedding.
Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers.
Detritus
Level 7
May 11, 2020
1
Somewhere I think I have copies of that journal... Though she is the one that will likely never get married.
I would faint from shock if my daughter ever apologized for anything! She's 22 now and is at least friendly now. I'm grateful enough for that.
Carin
Level 8
May 10, 2020
3
Science says the human brain does not mature until 25, and my observations bear that out. Give it time, keep the interactions positive and you may have your daughter back in a few years. This daughter of mine was the one that gave me every grey hair I have, complete with discussions with police and lawyers, clergy, and doctors. She got turned around and is an amazing young woman now.
"Youth is wasted on the young" [quoteinvestigator.com]
FearlessFly
Level 9
May 10, 2020
3
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
Share this post
Categories
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.