The advice given here is solid. Tell him you need to grieve in your own way, and leave it at that. You owe him no explanation. If he doesn't back off, ghost him for a while, as long as is necessary.

Can you just say...’I am not in any position to help anyone at the moment. I need to work out my own grief. I am sorry for the loss of your son. I know that you loved him.’

Addictive behavior is confusing and will not make sense. You cannot make good sense out of insane behavior and before you realize it, you will most likely twist yourself out of shape...trying to adjust yourself to someone’s insanity. I know this from many years of personal experience.

You have experienced a great loss...it will take time and your careful attention to sort it out and to stop your own ‘bleeding.’ I am very sorry for your loss and the pain that you must feel right now. Find a few people that will lift you up and help you get through this period in your life. Hold onto your ‘self,’ and do your own ‘care’, as you are not likely to have another person available, when the hurt...really gets to you. This is just the way I have found it to be. But, you ‘matter’ and deserve the best life that you can create! Put your focus there...it will give you solace to carry on.
Glad that you are here with us...

Welcome to the asylum. Enjoy your stay.

Sorry for your loss.

You are not obligated to make his father feel better.
You have no obligation to even take his calls, let alone do any of his delusional religious bullshit.

If he persists, tell him to leave you alone.
You have the right to do that.

Death is very horrible for everyone. Suggest to his father that he join a counseling or religious prayer group. I would tell him that that you are agnostic. You can always be blamed for not being honest later if you don't admit this fact now.

I have lost a child. You are a bit crazy for a while. However, if I was your mom, or friend, I would tell you to distance yourself.

An excellent group for him is Compassionate Friends. There are chapters all over the world and in just about every US city. There is also an online Facebook group that was the only comfort I would find. I highly suggest Compassionate Friends.

I hate to be cold hearted about it, but don't answer his calls. You have to do what you have to do to get through this. His father will have to rely on his extended family or friends. You are in no way obligated to play into this. Playing into it will only prolong this for him and for you. Making everyone more miserable in the long run. Shut it down.

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You’re a good one, and his father knows that. Likely one of few good choices his son made, so he’s clinging to you.

As time and circumstances allow, I’d try to say, ‘I am not religious,’ ‘your son knew that,’ ‘and respected me for it.’

Your concise description above makes it apparent you have the ability to explain things. Do what’s needed, and care for you, too ~

I'd go with compassion; he's hurting, you're hurting. Don't make it worse. You can decline his offer(s) without rejecting his beliefs or throwing your beliefs (or lack of) into his face.

"That's such a kind offer Mr. Jones and I appreciate you wanting to share your grief. I find solace by spending my time alone and remembering all the ways xxx was such a good person."

Sorry for your loss and I understand that you may want to help his father grieve, but you do need to take care of yourself and it sounds like you have a lot of your own healing to do. I would tell the father that you understand his pain and realize that you both need to grieve, but in your own ways. Perhaps there is something other than Bible study that you can share with him? It is good to care but you also need to grieve.

Just the truth. You have to be true to yourself. To live a lie is no good.

Stay strong by living in the joy of each passing moment.

Good luck!

Do you have children by this "boyfriend"? If not, why do you need to continue any kind of relationship with his dad? You may wish him the best and walk away if it's best for you.

Your BF died of an overdose? And his father is ok with that? And he wants to get all up in your face with his religion? I think the father wants your attention. I have no respect for these phony christian families. He probably thinks he can "comfort" you.

Welcome to the group Carol and I’m sorry for your loss. Your boyfriend’s father is hurting badly and is reaching out to others to help him deal with his loss, you especially, because you were close to his son. This is a natural reaction for him to want to pray and study the bible...but not natural to you, so you have to be able to grieve your way not his. I would be very kind and gentle with him, but I would tell him that you aren’t religious so it isn’t helpful to you to read scripture or pray, and suggest he finds someone else who is more in tune with his religious beliefs to do the bible study with, but that you are there for him in any other respect.

I lost my elder son who took his own life last year aged 42, so I do know and sympathise deeply with your loss and can understand how this poor man is feeling. He will have a feeling of helplessness and bewilderment, and there will be a sense of guilt there too, because as parents we feel we should have done more to prevent such a thing happening. In my case it wasn’t drug related, but it makes no difference ...the unanswered question will still be there with him....could I have done more to prevent this from happening? Be very gentle with him, but look after yourself first, and don’t be coerced into pretending to believe in god if you don’t...you have to move on from this tragedy after a time of grieving , but you have to do it in your own way.

Let him know that you know he is going through his own grieving process, and tell him he is right to do so. This will validate his feelings and will not cast you on an insensitive manner. Then tell him that you are going through your own grieving process and that unfortunately, because of your difference in beliefs, your grieving is too different from his and therefore it is better if the two occur separately.

Many fine dynamics not presented that make an informed recommendation difficult.

If I were in such a position, think I would tell him, I really need some quiet (alone) time to deal with his (your) loss.

If he was really pushy, I would tell him I recognize religion is his tool for dealing with death but I find no solace in his belief system, I will respect your method of grief, and ask you to equally respect my position.

There is some really good advice given here, so I'll suggest more towards the future. Think about what caused you to become involved with this man and what you would look for to avoid doing the same in the future.

Say nothing!!!

Walk away, they are not related to you, they do not pay your bills or provide you shelter and a vehicle!!!

Or do they??

You are mourning an individual that did not honor you or your relationship why???

He certainly would not mourn you!!!

Why cling on sometime that was hurtful, hurting, and destructive???

Stop torturing yourself, he made his decision, without you!!!

Hi there. I lost a friend to suicide three years ago.
I'm just wondering how long it has been?? Everyone deals with grief in their own way and the one thing that stood out to me was how quickly everyone but his family moved on, it seemed that only his family still cared and that seemed very painful. They would invite me out to his house for tea, even though I was not close to them personally. I think they just wanted to keep him alive in some way so I would say that your partners father is doing something similar.

Also, how close were you guys really? Had you talked about marriage or starting a family, was it that kind of relationship? You do need to eventually move on with your life. You could approach the conversation with your partners father in this way. You could also explain to him that you would like to deal with your grief different to him and that in order for you to move on it will be difficult to do while going to bible study and having to relive his memories.

Hope that helps.

People experiencing the painful loss of a loved one often aren't able to process the death in a healthy way, or to philosophize about it, other than turning to religious texts that they hope will help them through the grief. It might help him, but is a waste of your time, which could be spent in more meaningful ways.

Your grief is different than his. He thinks his son is in heaven. Maybe you feel the memory of him exists only in the hearts and minds of those who felt a connection to him. Maybe you carry the good memories inside you, and need to purge some of the negative memories. Sometimes a stumbling block to healthy grief are various things that were left unsaid or unforgiven, and those things could be written out and kept special or burned ceremoniously, depending on the message.

Maybe you could interest him in a secular ritual that is more meaningful to you, which might help him as well, something he might not have considered doing? (Donating his things to charity or re-purposing things that were special to him?)

There are grief support groups for parents of deceased adult children, significant others, etc., many of which are religious, so he might do well to join one of those.

An online resource for you might be [griefbeyondbelief.org]

You can tell him it is just "too painful" to keep dwelling on his son's death and to be constantly reminded, and that his (the fathers) presence also reminds you and is painful. In essence you need to make it seem more noble for him to leave you alone than to keep bothering you.

Did your bf and you socialize with his father before? There is certainly no reason to create such a relationship now especially given those circumstances. I'd recommend being as polite as possible but definitely be honest and direct with him about your disinterest.

While I fully agree with the other suggestions posted here , sometimes , you just have to say no , and firmly stick with that .

You're in a very difficult position.

When someone is wracked with grief, they can sometimes 'misinterpret' their own actions as being supportive to others, when they are actually targetted on getting support themselves.

I wish I could offer you a sollution, but I suspect there is no real sollution to offer.

tell him frankly that bible study would be wrong for you, but ask if there is some other comforting activity you two could share.

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I am going to come at this focusing on you, not from the eyes of a parent. Technically, you do not owe this man anything. What I did when my family was grieving first my grandma then my mom was allow them to spew their religious beliefs, not contradict anything they said just nod or say yea or uh huh and go through the motions of prayer/mass during the funerals. IF beyond that they would have pursued me to pray, I would have given them advise to pray with other family or friends and lied about being too busy or keep rescheduling on them, even let their calls go to voice mail, and be out of touch. Until they found solace with their faith sharing family/friends.

As for you, I was a new agnostic when my grandma died. I had no idea what to do and how to cope. I reached out to agnostic/atheist groups on facebook. And they gave me some insights and some groups for grief for non-believers. I think you may experience complicated grief, since the relationship was complicated. I had the same thing. I had to be reminded to allow myself the full rage of emotions from anger and relief to even sadness and disappointment (those latter feelings surprised me). I advise you to do the same and to focus on your healing during this difficult time. DO NOT LET ANYONE GUILT YOU INTO PRIORITIZING THEIR GRIEF/GRIEVING OVER YOURS!

Here is a group I joined on facebook that was helpful: [facebook.com]

[facebook.com]