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I am in a quandry and would like some opinions. My eldest cousin just died, from cancer not covid. I don't do wakes. I am a crier and I don't think that helps anyone. The obituary requests that donations be made to the St. Vincent de Paul Society. She was a founding member in her town. I really don't want to donate to a Catholic charity. What can I do?

NHjulie 8 Aug 7
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53 comments

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1

Donate to a charity of your choice was there something else she was interested in a musical society, animal welfare, we asked people to donate to Jelly Drops for my father instead of flowers, as he had cognitive decline and did not drink enough. A man in England was starting out a company to help get fluid into elderly people (a lolly looking object that was 99% water), it was up to people if they did. I never inquired. As to the funeral that is up to you I find wakes tend to be more lighthearted stories of the person but again it is your call as to how you feel about it.

8

They are actually a very worthwhile charity who do a lot to help to alleviate poverty and loneliness in the local community. My advice would be ...forget that they are religious and donate something to them in your cousin’s memory. They, and the Salvation Army, are the only two religious charities I actually would subscribe to. It is always entirely at our discretion whom we donate money to of course, but if you are considering doing so, I think it would be best to honour your cousin’s wishes and donate to SVDP which she herself helped set up locally.

6

I would do what the obituary requests in honor of your cousin.I think it is self centered to do otherwise.

6

I don’t get it , meaning , what is this , are funerals now like weddings ? We have to send a gift from a list we attend or not ?
I don’t think u are obligated to do anything , and more , anything that u don’t want to . The dead does not care , and doesn’t care the same ways was still your friend or your relative while u weren’t sharing a religion .
If u have anything meaningful that U want to share w her kids / etc , do so . Money or causes , are for funeral expenses . If they got that covered , rest is luxery .
And I feel for u about funerals and wakes . I haven’t been in one for more than 30 yrs . Not even my own fathers , and he was the world to me . He knew in advance , and he made sure neither my sister or my self had to do any of that nonsense .

6

Donate to a non-Christian charity in her name?

6

If it were me, I'd donate instead to a charity like The Trevor Project, which helps gay teens who were kicked otu their (usually religious) homes for being gay.

You could also donate to the Freedom From religion Foundation, buy your family might see that as insulting you cousins memory.

You may just look for the secular equivolent of what the requested religiosu charity supposedly does.

6

A part of living on this planet is that we're all stuck with each other so there should be no problem with helping each other. In this instance, philosophical differences should be set aside. I know non believers who are employed there. It's a job. Think of it like you're helping them.

6

Donate to a cancer research organization or a children's research hospital.

6

Donate to a cancer research/aide charity or institution. That's what your cousin was suffering from, so it only makes sense that you do it thar honor.

6

Honestly, the St Vinnies i was involved with did great work and helped everyone not just Catholics. I’d donate to them. But, if not, why not choose a similar non denominational charity and donate?

I must admit that the Catholic church does do some good. There are some sincere, good people in the belief system but the harm they do to the human mind, especially throughout history, far out weighs any good deeds. If it weren't for this ridiculous superstition humans could be living in wonderful harmony with the natural world.

For instance, do you believe human are born evil and need to be baptized with holy water and the Holy Ghost?

I wasn’t talking about the Catholic Church. I’m a Community Worker, i was making an observation based on lived experience regarding St Vinnies, who let me volunteer although I’m a non believer. Every year they do reports on Society and the lot of the poor and how this changing.
I was proud to work with the New Farm and West End groups in Brisbane, they were great people.

5

Donate to any secular organization that helps cancer research, refugees or environment, ask for a confirmation and send this to your cousin's family.

That is a great answer

5

I agree with the donate to cancer foundations posts.

5

Keep in mind that when a philanthropist donated a million dollars to Saint Mother Theresa to help the starving poor of Bombay, she quickly sent the money to the Vatican so they could bury it in their underground vaults.

4

Donate to the American Cancer Society or Prevent Cancer Foundation in your cousin's name. The obituary requests where to make a donation, but nothing compels you to do anything at all. Put your donation where you want, where you think it will do the most good.

4

I don't do funerals well at all..so i don't. For me it was about depression so I quit going. My family gets it so thats all that matters to me. I wouldn't support any charity connected to a religion, especially the catholics.
So what can you do? Just don't...and feel good about taking care of your feelings.

4

I would donate to a similar secular organization on their behalf .... Visiting Nurses comes to mind.

4

Nobody forces you to donate.

You can refuse or donate to a charity of your choice.

4

Donate to the charity of your choice...

4

Strangely, there are two religious charities to which I will donate, despite being a devout atheist.
This is because I have personally seen the selfless way that the lay members of these two organisations help the most needy members of their local community. I have even seen them go without food in order to feed others. One is the Salvation Army and the other is St Vincent de Paul.

Vinnies yes? But the salvos are very active in their oppression of gay people, excluding them from their organisation. I find that abhorent.

I occasionally give to an Ethiopian minister I know who runs an orphanage back in his home country. I taught his kids; he gives me way too much credit for "turning his son around." I know the guy accepts all children regardless of religion.

I have just posted much the same thing up above. SVDP is a very worthwhile charity, which like the SA help all who are in need in the local community.

4

Take the money and do something you kniw she would have approved of with it.

Or help as many of the people as you can with that money. Particularly those who are helped by her charity.

Or nothing.

SCal Level 7 Aug 7, 2020
3

Charities seldom send more than a "a donation was made in the name of/in memory of" card to the family, whether it is a $1 or a $1,000,000 donation. If you feel that you need to make a donation for family peace, do a modest donation. If you want to something in her memory, find another charity she liked and donate. Donations are usually in lieu of flowers, so no more than you would have spent on flowers.

3

I always abide by the request of the deceased. I would not give to a religious organization on my own but if that's what the person wants, that's what I do. It's about the person who has passed on.

3

Don’t

3

Suggested already, but donate to a charity of your choice in her name. You honor her memory this way and help others.

3

Well...its about her memory so I would donate... but you can put a twist on it. 🙂

If you have some money you can ask the society if they would be willing to offer and manage an annual science and engineering scholarship in her name available to in-need students attending college taking a science or engineering major. Something like $1000 or so to help a student with costs.

Cant think of a better antidote to religion than a dose of college and science!

3

Simply: don't

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