I have been an agnostic for many years, but only my very close friends and family were aware. After I lost my daughter, I officially came out of the “Holy Closet.”

Let me tell you that I live in the Bible Belt of Mississippi, and I was appalled at how many childhood friends and extremely close family members completely turned their back on us after our daughter died!!! It’s fucking asinine that people started to ignore us.

I often regret telling people immediately after losing my child, but it’s definitely taught me something. The people who love and support you unconditionally are the only people you NEED in your life.

Good luck!

My brother and I have a rule . We don't either religion or politics . It makes life much easier for the both of us .

No, I am an open atheist and have been since 16 years of age. I believe in honesty and forthrightness.

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. And I'm sure many others do as well. What you're feeling is completely natural. My family is very religious, at least the older generation. You want to maintain a strong connection with them and not sharing that one thing in common definitely seems like a big deal. And for me it was hard too because it's hard for me to pass up a good debate. I've told me mom a long time ago, but I hadn't told hardly any of my extended family. Why? So they could all start praying for me and think I had gone astray or been corrupted by the world or women? And you can't control what they think in response. I had one of my favorite aunts compare me with Lucifer because I was asking too many questions and actually requiring answers that made sense.

But one day, while a big group of us were together, on the sabbath, I engaged just about everyone in the room (about 12-15 people) in a debate that went to the very core of the bible's authority. I could't resist. And as a result, one of the older guys (friend of the family) said that he had learned more in that short time than he had in years. But it's because I don't just believe or not. I study and research to back it up.

So I would say that if you are fully prepared to back it up then you don't have to force it but you also don't have to keep pretending you're a believer too. You can come out to a few individuals first and test the waters. Some may not accept it no matter what but that doesn't mean they won't accept you or that their feelings towards you will change.

I say nothing unless I'm asked directly, most of the time...

You can talk about your agnosticizim here all you want to. I was in the closet for a couple of years as an atheist. I understand if you don't talk about it with family and friends. Just remember you have people you can talk to here.

its s tough spot to be in, and a tough time to go thru. Yet, it is also very difficult to continue to "pretend" to believe for very long tho some folks do. in a way it is similar to the band aid dillema. ease it off over a long painful experience, or rip it off quickly. Eventually clarity comes one way or another, but always has its pains. best wishes.

Depending on your family it can be very traumatic for everyone. Do not feel guilty about not sharing your beliefs especially when you know it's out of consideration for others and not to deceive.

Every Day. The other reason I don't talk about it is because of what it implies I feel about them... That I don't respect their beliefs and I might even think they're delusional.

You are under no obligation to say anything to anyone, not even you family about your views on god or not. If you need a space to be truthful then this is a safe one.

Sorry you are experiencing shame, guilt and pressure. Counseling should help you stand up to family pressure.

Since age 13, I have been a strong atheist. My parents were fine with it.

Do you think either of you would change their mind? Then just pointless, discuss sports, relatives, e5c....

Try living as a closeted trans woman atheist in rural Alabama for three decades.
I have the PTSD to prove I paid my dues.

Stay strong and give it time

I don’t think you need to go out of your way to raise the subject; but there may come a time when you’re confronted with making a choice, such as being expected to attend church or some other religious event or situation. You need to be true to your own beliefs at that time and not feel you need to go along with it and pretend to believe when you don’t. That would not be being true to who you are and if your family love you, as I’m sure they do, they should be able to respect the fact that you’ve changed your views and no longer believe in god.

Don't give an inch. Let them know you won't let yourself believe in obvious, conspicuous bullshit and wishful thinking.

I’ll defer to our experts here.. ..seems most have had to escape some depth of religion. You do have me feeling ..so thankful for my family, Grandparents to parents, having nothing to do with and no respect for religion.

The conflicts I did have with family made me more independent, though. The better able I was to provide for myself, rely on friends, or carve out a place in society - the more family feared losing me. I’d suggest building a network outside religion, and family if necessary … then it’s their choice, and their burden if you eventually chose it over them.

The closest I've felt to being in the closet is when admitting to my dad that I liked physics more than electrical engineering and had secretly switched majors a year back without telling him.

I think I broke his heart that day. But he didn't mind one bit when I told him that I didnt believe or follow the family religion. He was like, "I was that way too, when I was younger, you will see things differently when you're older."

There's a saying in one of our sacred books, where God says: "All paths lead to me." I told this to my Dad, but modified it: "All paths lead to God, but some paths take longer." And he understood I was refering to my path. I think that pleased him very much, and he quotes it to me often, especially when I'm a little blasphemous, lol.

they don't define your life, your mind nor your grasp of reality.

You don't have to talk about it at all, you don't have to "explain" yourself to anyone, not anyone. Just go and live your life to your best ability and enjoy it. No point in stirring up problems, especially as your parents are still religious.

Believe it or not but I think they will be stronger if you tell them and of course if they come to accept it.

At least they deserve a chance to be understanding of the Human condition. I am confident that you could convince them that no one forced you to find Agnosticism , that the way forward is for you to to continue making decisions for yourself, just like the thousands of reasonable people who occupy this site without harm or degradation. Let them ask a few questions on this site like why they should not feel that you let them down in any way and "Is this the end of the world ?".

The truth will eventually get out anyway it almost always does just when you least expect it and you have done nothing wrong.

My father and sister are uber-christian. Dad does prison ministries and Koinonia retreats, sister teaches Sunday school, is the church treasurer. I was honest with a family friend about my non-belief, and I"m pretty sure she blabbed, even though I asked her not to. But thankfully, it really never comes up. If they ever ask, I'll answer honestly, but I'm not going to sit them down to break the news to them that I'm an atheist. Yes, I feel closeted. But I have a couple of atheist friends, I read books and blogs and listen to podcasts, and I have this forum. So I don't feel nearly as alone as I once did.

Maybe hint at being agnostic by avoiding any church gatherings, and don't show up till after family does the annoying praise before eating.

No. I was very honest with my family, very devout catholics, that I did not believe in any gods or religions and exactly why, they did not like it but at the end they had to respect my decision.