I've been in the exact same position and I've tried to be truthful and have learned the hard way that's not the best policy. People tend to shy away from people they think are damaged goods. I have medical issues that prevent me from doing some things I like to do and that other people like to do. Every time I try to explain to someone they need to be patient with me it's pretty much over. I agree with the previous comment that you need to wait until the person has gained your trust, but I think it has to go further than that. It's more than just trust. You have to be sure that they know you and love you well enough to deal with whatever it is you tell them and support you. I'm pretty sure no one would ask you a direct question about your abuse but if they do you need to come up with a way to deflect it. Something like "the only thing that's important is our relationship." Perhaps an agreement that each of you'll pretend you never had relationships before and it's all brand new. Assuming you have a handle on your past and don't let it affect your current relationships you shouldn't have a problem. When you're sure that you have a solid relationship with this person and they know you and you know what kind of person they are, then it's okay to tell them because they will support you.

Unless it is public knowledge, why bother!!!

Seems everyone has failed in one form or another!!!

After all life is experimental is it not!!!

Success is built upon the failure of others!!!

Why expose what has made you who you are or are not!!!

LOL!!!

Have you had the opportunity to meet him in person? I think that if you haven't , it is not good idea to answer questions related to your past life. Give yourself the opportunity to meet him in person and the time and his attitude, actions will tell you if it is worth sharing your past with him.
Keep calm and maybe you will find the person who will come into your life to put a touch of peace and sweetness. Your safety comes first and beware of scammers.

The time to share would be different for each person you meet. But...your story won't scare-off the right person. I encourage you to keep up with therapy, to help find the fine line between not enough and too much as each situation to disclose arises.

The past belongs in the past. Of course, it helped shape who you are today, but it doesn’t define who you are today.

I know I’m a totally different person than I was when I too was experiencing my “colorful past.” That person is a stranger to me.

So, no, there’s no reason to “spill the beans” to anyone to satisfy their curiosity. No one needs to know every single secret from your past. They need to accept who you are today or move the heck on.

Unless your past mistakes rise to the level of imprisonment, you don't need to be "that" honest about past mistakes...

I just had a funny thought. You can have a bankruptcy, repossession, or foreclosure on your credit report. But then after 7–10 years, it’s wiped clean. Even creditors know old information doesn’t define who you are today — if your credit is good today, that’s what matters.

So I repeat my earlier comment: the past belongs in the past.

Unload all your baggage up front. If they can’t take it, then they can’t take you. It’s better than developing feelings and then being ghosted because of what made you, well you!!

I hope this all works out for you!!!

Answer every question with a question.

First, don't lie BUT don't offer too much either. Think of it as an exercise in patience. No details, stick to generalities until your intimacy grows into a real relationship, then as things come up you can be more forthcoming.

Example: Instead of telling a list of detailed abuses... say, "I was abused in the past but am working on recovering from that experience. " If they ask for details be honest and say you're not yet ready to share that but if your relationship develops you will of course be open about it.

Your past is your business and unless you want to open up and think they are ready for it you are well within your rights to be discrete. Over sharing at the wrong time can be deal breaker. Good luck!

Additionally, beware... some people who are control freaks or narcissists are looking for what they perceive as "damaged" people. It's so much easier to take over someone's life if they have a history.

It all boils down to the two rules of life:
Never rat on your friends.
And always keep your mouth shut!

I once heard someone say, "Never admit to anyone that you are no good...let them find out for themselves."

An attempt at humor...don't take it seriously.

However, I am (was), the type of guy who wanted to hear about all the skeletons in her closet so that if I found that she had involvement with something that I could not deal with, I could dump her...but as an Asperger's, Syndrome person, I pretty much operate from a logical perspective, not emotional.

Truth be told, I did a lot of dumping of girl friends in the old days. It is also notable, the most of those girls I dated were not forth coming with the things I considered deal breakers.

"Yes, I forgive you...but I am leaving you anyway."

Why would that be necessary?

I'd be wary of sharing too much too early, in case you share things that could make you vulnerable to abuse or embarrassment if your history was repeated.

There are are some in the dating world who seek out those who have been abused, and/or show a tendency toward too much trust, and they take advantage of that.

I used to want to share everything right out front, but guys I dated never really cared, so that was a waste. I'm wiser now, but I'm not sure I'll ever find someone with whom I could feel a strong trust, before I share my innermost secrets.

Probably not a good idea to tell anyone everything. It takes away the mystery.

Three words... Always Be Honest! However... in a new relationship it can be a shock to hear too much too soon. The whole point is to develop over time. Too much info too soon can be scary... But if it is something you feel the need to get out then you should.

Unless someone is holding s gun to your head, or the thumb screw is being tightened beyond endurance - you have control over what comes out of your mouth.

My feeling is , people can ask me whatever they'd like - but I'm under no obligation to answer - unless I want to. As relationships form and grow, it's not uncommon to peel away layers. Some may be appropriate to share, and some might never be, and that's ok.

Learn from your errors.
Put little investment i n online interactions.
Reveal your pain when you are far more along in your relationship.
Predators are out there so protect yourself.
Reveal to a counselor not a stranger online.

Just found this link that may interest you.
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