It is always wrong if you are not in an open marriage. If the sex is gone and you are looking at others you need to leave your partner first. Having an affair is selfish and evil. It is not only hurtful to your partner but on the off chance that you get something and then have sex with your partner, you have taken their life into your hands and you do not have that right. I have been married 3 times and all of my marriages were sexless, not by my choice, but I never once cheated. I left instead.

Depends. Maybe try and break up first being it's how we are conditioned to feel about these things as a betrayal. At least communicate something. If she doesn't want you to break up, then do what you want.

Or just do it. The only problem is if you fall in love with the mistress and end up breaking it off anyways and then it becomes more painful for your wife. Better to end it now rather than later.

At one time I'd have said yes, but a couple things made me change my mind. One was being a regular reader/podcast listener of Dan Savage (Savage Lovecast), who I think is pretty spot-on (in about a decade of reading, I've yet to see him give bad advice). There are many people who have the following boxes ticked: married; have (youngish) kids; have (at least partial) financial dependence on their partner; have extensive business/family/community ties with partner; have partner that is not willing to open relationship; have partner who is not willing to seek mutual therapy (or who have gone through it but issue remains)... etc. In fact, so many people (male and female) have written to Dan about this that he has had to put a moratorium on answering these questions. To them, he says, "Do what you have to do to stay sane." As long as you're not lying to the paramour, the unethical act of lying to the possessive (hoarder? What do you call someone who wants to "own" something, yet not use it?) spouse might be the best possible world for some. I personally knew three people in such situations, and I'm not going to judge. Interestingly enough, the one who did "cheat" seemed a hell of a lot happier than the two who didn't; he eventually did come clean and get divorced when the time was right. Of the other two (one man, one woman), they are still both miserable.

I believe in polyamory. I don’t even think that the law should have any involvement in personal relationships. Go back in time and you will see when outsiders started making it their place to get in between a couple and there are no pure motives.
There have actually been cases where affairs have been good for a relationship or marriage.
Relieve yourself of a guilt that is put upon you by society and conditioned your spouse to treat you like a piece of property that should be owned.
I’m sorry for your lack of intimacy for whatever reason it has occurred.

As a 61 year old man, yes it is always wrong. first off, I feel that you are cheating yourself most of all. if you put the effort into being a great lifepartner, then you should not need to go outside of the relationship. but I believe that living up to a moral code is important for me.it is all about being honset with yourself most of all. now life changes people and over the long haul that quirk of your partner can get vexsome. but if it was there the whole time, you chose unwisely..
from my experience, our society has let being a solid person slide a little too much. but like I say I am an older man, and was raised to live to a certain manner of treating the fair sex. I never cheated in my marriages or relationships and will never cheat. I have to live with myself.

I believe that if a person cheats on some one who they claim to love,is morally wrong ,and oh so very hurtful.
whats the sese of being with some one if your going to wind up cheating on them.

You should ask your wife what she thinks.

For me, it is "Always be as honest as you are able."

I think honesty is mor eimportan than monogamy. When it comes to the details, each couple needs to work those out for themselves.

In short, a person whoudl discuss this with their spouse, instead of looking to others outside ofhte relationship for advice.

My experience with this topic, and boy do I have a lot, comes down to three questions. How is your relationship with yourself? how is your relationship with your spouse? How is your relationship with your person on the side?

If you are not comfortable with yourself, if you have low self-esteem, unresolved issues, or you just do not know why you do the things you do, then yes, an affair is always wrong. You are going to get hurt. Badly. Guilt, self-loathing, and poor life choices are in your future. No matter the situation at home, you will suffer. If you are truly self actualized, and/or you have made unprecedented strides in thereapy, then move on to the questions in 2. (Parenthetical answers are red flags)
Does your spouse know? (No) Do you care? (Yes) Can you imagine them finding out and being a better person for it? (No) would you be better If the table was turned? (No) it an open relationship? (No) Is it really? (Well...) Truly, as in you have discussed it? (No)
Question 3 issues (parenthetical answer are red flags):
Do you know his/her name? (No) Are either one of you under the influence? (Yes) if you don't already, Do you want to know his/her name? (Yes) Is it a friend? (Yes) Can you really just be "sex friends"? (No) Are you in love with the object of your affection? (Yes) Are they in love with you? (Yes)

This is very insightful. Inspiring even. I don't think monogamy has to exist in relationships if honest communication is expressed between both people. Or all people involved in a polyamorous theatre, because, be honest, that's a soap opera in the making just by existence.
But that leads to another dimension of this very gray area of sexuality. If you feel attracted enough to have sex with someone else than the partner you've vowed to stay true to, haven't you already cheated? Even thoughts are cheating? Probably...
Relativity in sex is so hard to define. Certainly objective thought plays a big part in why monogamy is the norm. Stability of family and disease prevention being an enormous factor after the first and subsequent wars in Europe. Single family homes and the feminist movement changed the structure and so today we have three generations of adult women who have had a much different social structure and a completely different sense of sexuality than their mothers and grandmothers lived with. Nobody brought a rule book and there's no volunteers to write one that doesn't have a cross or some other religious logo to put it into print. It sells just fine in those book clubs.

I'm not a fan of the word 'always'.
I think that there is usually at least one instance that will disprove whatever the word 'always' is being used to express (although not always....).

Regarding this specific questions, I would have to agree with most of the comments. The issue isn't the affair, as much as it is the dishonesty and lies.
• If, for whatever reason, the marriage is being continued for reasons other than intimacy AND both parties agree, then I don't see a problem.
• If (and this is a terrible situation to consider, but here we go anyway...) by some crazy accident or happenstance one of the partners (in this case the wife) is unable to participate in intimacy... terrible accident, is now paralyzed, hooked up to a bunch of machines, in a coma, some crazy illness where intimacy is now impossible... but life continues... and for whatever reason, love, guilt, loyalty, the marriage isn't going to be terminated... after 6 years... I could certainly understand an affair.

Let's get real here. Its the 21st century. If you find yourself in a relationship that doesn't meet your needs, Thats on you. No one is forcing you to stay married.

Furthermore to be quite frank if your own wife doesn't want your dick, you're probably not giving good dick in the first place. Who wants bad dick?

Also lets talk about expecting someone else to accept half a relationship, where they KNOW they're just being used. Hell no. Be honest and go hire a prostitute. At least she's certain to get SOMETHING out of the deal.

I personally feel it is wrong. Especially in my case when the whore I married slept with my twin brother. Lots of hurt feelings

Without her knowledge and consent....yes

No, an affair (or any kind of extra marital sex) isn't always wrong. It depends entirely on the circumstances. There are some in which it's justified.

The trouble with this question is that people project their own insecurities and bad past experiences onto anyone who asks it. If only the worst kind of person would ever cheat, then their partner would never cheat because they're not the worst kind of person. Which makes it all the more surprising when they do. Meanwhile, those with unresolved issues over being cheated on find it a tremendous opportunity to vent.

People think it's so easy to walk away from a marriage, a house and kids. A situation that might still be functional but for the fact that the sex no longer works. Your partner might find sex painful or traumatic. It might be physically impossible for them at this point of their lives. Which is more selfish? Cheating on a partner, or putting your kids in a single parent family situation because you need to get your leg over?

So ideally, you negotiate an open relationship. You sit down and discuss that your needs aren't being met and try to find a way forward. But in some cases, that's easier said than done. Do they need to know you're finding that intimacy that they can no longer provide with someone else? This is one of those situations where everyone thinks they'd want to know, until they do, at which point, many wish they didn't.

As someone who's always been able to detach sex from love, I really don't get the concept of monogamy beyond its practical applications in reducing risk of sexually transmitted infection. But we're taught that the two are intertwined, and that if you love someone, you shouldn't want to be anything other than sexually exclusive with them. This isn't a true reflection on human nature. It simply panders to society's (and religion's) breeding programme.

I believe that denying a human adult with a healthy sex drive the opportunity to seek consensual sex amounts to cruel and unusual punishment. If your partner isn't willing to meet a reasonable expectation of sexual intimacy (say at least a couple of times a month, assuming that you're cohabiting) then I think it's perfectly reasonable to seek an outlet elsewhere, without their express permission to do so.

I've walked in those shoes. I was with a partner who suffered from depression, and whose 'kick the cat' approach to it largely revolved around transferring her misery on to me. One exceptionally effective way of doing that was to withhold sex for several months at a time. We typically had sex 3 to 4 time a year, when she decided to instigate it. If I ever tried, it was made very clear that I was ruining any chance I had of it happening any time in the near future.

Only if you have an open marriage.

Somebody, perhaps lots of people, are going to be hurt. If, in 20 years, you will be happy about the way they are still scarred by your actions of not being able to Not be sneaky & underhanded, go for it.
Oh, and if you think lying and sneaking will somehow change you for the better, even if the crap never hits the fan, you are delusional.
Be honest always

I have to ask the question.... "Is a marriage always right?" Sorry, not passing judgement.

Legally. Yes. Morally. Yes. Ethically. Maybe. Philosophically. Depends. Existentially. No.

What is always wrong is this - you have an affair, you fall in love with that person then you cannot commit to them.

That is wrong and stupid and destructful.

And I clearly speak from the experience that is scorched earth and regret.

Just saying. Good morning!

YES

Yup. If the spouse is ok with a side piece then it is not an affair.

If you keep it a secret yes. Be open with communication. I'm open to the idea of my husband having a sex partner, just because I don't like sex but I need to KNOW about it, and her, and approve. If I don't approve and my husband sleeps with her anyway, that's betrayal and I'm no longer willing to make concessions. It's done.

When I was younger I saw things as more black and white, right or wrong. As I've gotten older I realize that things are instead, a million shades of grey. If you are being dishonest or having to hide your actions and if you are doing something your partner would not approve of, I think that constitutes cheating...and I don't think it has to be just a sexual relationship, it can be an emotional affair as well. The reasons why it sometimes happens is where things get muddled for me. We are sexual beings. We need touch, intimacy, release. I think the best policy is open communication, being able to talk to your partner and hopefully coming up with a compromise...but I also realize that it's often complicated. I don't like affairs as a whole. I think we owe it to our partners to try to communicate and solve the problem together... but I'm not going to judge someone who is having or has had them because I haven't really walked in their shoes.