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Will social pressure and perks work to get folks vaccinated? Will the desire to socialize unmasked with loved ones, or to gain benefits such as travel passports, access to clubs and gym memberships, work to encourage the majority of vaccination agnostics to get off the fence? How about the possible loss of close friendships?

I have anti-vax and anti-mask (or weak masker) friends who have expressed that no way will they allow themselves to be vaccinated. Some of these folks have health challenges, meaning that if they contract covid, they will likely become severely sick and in my mind be more contagious due to their lack of seriousness about social distancing and masking.

To me, they are part of the problem, not the solution. I am not inclined to spend much time with them, as they are not careful with their own health, which also means they are not be careful with mine. Small island, so it's hard not to be in somewhat close quarters with some of these folks, but I try my best to keep my distance, while not alienating people.

I don't want to lose friends, but I'm at the point where I really want to let some of these people know why I keep saying no to spending time with them indoors, limiting our interactions to outdoors only, and still want to keep my distance.

I am not vaccinated yet, and when I do become vaccinated, there is still the 5-15% chance of contracting the virus or a variant.

Am I wrong to want to push these people out to the margins of my social circle? If I do, should I let them know why? I feel like I should, but also feel like it's a form of discrimination, on my part, like politics and religion, since it's their belief which is a somewhat minor threat to my livelihood, and in all likelihood a very small threat to my health after I'm vaccinated.

Their belief plays only a small detraction from opening up our economy, since the majority of residents are on board with vaccinations as a path toward safely getting back to business as usual on our island.

I can't help but think they are not willing to be part of the solution, and even though that is their right, they should know they are paying a price of some friends wanting to keep their distance until we are further out of the pandemic.

These are questions I ponder when deciding how much time I want to spend with people who have significant differences to my own approach to scientific versus magical thinking. Does anyone else feel this way?

Julie808 8 Mar 13
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19 comments

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0

Very good questions and I can relate to some extent.
I do not think that social pressure would have a significant positive impact on vaccination and may even cause more resistance.
I'm still trying to understand the way anti vaxxers reason and why they choose to look at all the wrong "data" supporting their assumptions and completely disregard all the scientific evidence. I suspect it's a complex issue probably rooted mainly in the socioeconomic, cultural and religious idiosyncrasies of this group of people therefore very difficult to tackle.

To put it simply, antivaxxers tend to come from disadvantaged backgrounds internalizing the feeling of being overlooked by the society which often makes them rebels without a cause. (This statement may need to be challenged tho, as I do not have much supporting data - but still searching)

Is it wrong to distance yourself from them/does this mean discrimination?
I personally have no time or patience for antivaxxers as no matter how much one tries to reason with them it is not possible! And I don't think this is in anyway discrimination as they potentially put others at risk by not obeying the rules.

ABack Level 6 Mar 18, 2021
2

Nothing will work for the imbeciles who think it's a hoax.

2

My social club consists mostly of women in ther 70's, 80's and older...while spry & active, none of us has "youngster health" anymore. They were having meetings & get-togethers outside in the warmer months, which tempted me...until pictures in the Newsletter of unmasked groups with their arms on each other's shoulders unnerved me completely!!!! Will not be renewing my membership.....buncha morons who undoubtedly would put pressure on me to join the photo ops.....

My social circle is mostly 50s-70s and mostly safe with their behavior. Those who I see doing risky things, I just give lots of space when we gather. I don't understand these photo ops where we all wear masks and do good social distancing - and then blow it all by getting close in for a photo and the photographer eggs most into removing their masks.

My job as a wedding officiant has me stuck with unmasked selfies - so I hold my breath - wedding parties do not like wearing masks - even though they may be super on board with being careful otherwise. This puts me at risk as a mid-60s officiant, standing unmasked a few feet away from them for 15+ minutes. I feel I need to be thoughtful about where I can demand mask compliance and where it won't hurt my health nor my income, for business, and in social circumstances, friends.

I appreciate being able to read the reactions of folks here so I don't feel too much in the minority about caring deeply about my own health to the point of being a bit hard nosed when it comes to friends around me. I've done pretty well so far - and I do see it all coming to an end in the months ahead. Thanks.

5

I don't think you are wrong at all and your viewpoint is totally reasonable. Some people claim they are not going to let themselves be vaccinated because they do not want any substance in their body if they do not know what it is. Most of us do not even know what vitamins are but we take them. My older daughter is a nurse and her view is much like that of your friends. She told me yesterday of thinking they are just trying to do population control on us. I always do my best to counter such Trumpism.

My job is a needed service and my corporation is split on mask wearing. My mask is around my neck constantly and pulled up over half the time. I had COVID-19 in December and recovered, going only to work, store, and home. My dispatcher also had it. Social distancing is a must and I will not hug you or get close. Some co-workers already have been vaccinated and I most likely will be also. I also get yearly flu shots. I find it amazing that Trumpism and QAnon has made experts out of so many of us today. Julie, please do what you feel that you need to do here. Be safe.

3

Other than my doctor, I have had no contact with the outside world sine December 2018. My chief cook & bottle washer, chicken coup cleaner, go for this & that, person exempted. She is ultra careful. I am safe until I get the vaccine. I am letting the stampede subside until the people that need to resume working & teaching, & EMSing ,& ICUing, & grocery stock workers. May 1st the President says. Sooner than I thought. Now I am not suggesting anything such as this for your situation. You must be willing to let go. Start with a list of the easiest to the most difficult to ostracize from your circle. You must be willing to let go. In the future you might be able to reconnect. Explain you position in a written letter to each one. Edit it over time until you feel comfortable. This is a time that we are tested for our resiliency. 1st is your health, then the health of others in your circle or bubble , then our community, & then the entire nation, world. Vaccinate!

Wow, that's a year more than most of us have been isolated. I'm lucky to be able to get out safely whenever I choose. I guess I'm just kind of maybe looking to give myself permission to risk friendships over some of these issues. With some, I am of the mind, as the song goes that "I got along without them before I met them, gonna get along without them now." For the most part most people I associate with are very respectful of my commitment not to shake hands, hug, etc. I joke that I won't be touching anyone until I can hug my grandkids.

4

I have turned down all invitations to meet in person over the last year. I try not to make it about them, or our relationship. I just tell them I have not been socializing during the pandemic, and invite them to visit with me on Zoom or Duo, etc.

As much as I am horrified by their behavior, I figure it’s not my place to tell others what to do... unless they press me. In which case I do what I can to accomplish what their eighth grade science teacher apparently couldn’t. Usually also unsuccessfully. But I don’t back down. If they want to end the friendship because of that, it’s their call.

Whether that has any effect on their willingness to be vaccinated or be more careful, I don’t know. With most people, I doubt it. It has become a tribal identity issue, and some folks would literally rather die than betray their tribe.

skado Level 9 Mar 13, 2021
2

Most of the anti-maskers are Trumpers who are refusing because of loyalty to a fascist. If people are anti science, anti intelligence and anti maskers then let them. Hopefully they'll be the next to go.

1

When it comes to abortion, my body, my choice. When comes to forcing people to wear masks or be injected with a vaccine, crickets. Definitely a double standard here

Really, you're equating pregnancy with a deadly communicable disease that can be passed to others by in-passing contact? Not even close.

I’m not aware of anybody being forced to wear a mask or take the vaccine.

@OldMetalHead no. Wearing masks MAY reduce the spread but 70% of people who contracted COVID reported wearing a mask.

@OldMetalHead, @skado Watch the video of a man being forcefully pulled off a train for not wearing a mask in Philadelphia

@OldMetalHead, @skado, @Heathenist No pinhead. Comparing personal choices made by people and double standards of leftists but since you do mention, when it comes to abortion, what about the life of the child? Same logic when you are guilting people to wear a mask.

@Heavykevy1985
Nobody forced him to take the train.

@Heavykevy1985
Hmm... namecalling instead of information exchange. I’ll check back in five years.

No one is forcing, but there is incentive or perks to doing these things that help society.

For example, most of the stores in my town require a mask to enter. The anti-maskers can have their goods delivered (and pay extra) if they don't want the convenience of indoor shopping for the price of wearing a mask.

We also have small shops that don't require masks, but I wear my super good mask into those shops, because I'm wise. I could choose not to enter, but I take my chances. I'm not putting anyone at risk, but I take a risk by shopping at the only bike shop in town, for example.

Traveling might become easier for vaccinated people (there are ideas in the works for that) which might be the incentive one of my anti-vaxxer friends needs to get the vaccine, since she likes to travel to see her boyfriend a lot. When I pick her up at the airport, I make her wear a mask, well I don't make her, I give her a choice to either wear the mask or ask someone else to pick her up. She'd have to wear a mask in a taxi. So she wears the mask that particular ride in my car.

Her mask/vax actions affect me. If she does or doesn't get an abortion, it doesn't affect me, unless she asks me to babysit.

@Heavykevy1985 Thanks for showing us your mentality. I love it when people out themselves. Makes my life easier.

@skado I would not have not have to use colorful language if you were not in the business of deliberately strawmanning my points

@skado, @Julie808 You take a risk driving to work to go to the grocery store or just merely leaving your house. COVID has a .05% death rate. Nothing wrong with taking the precautions but how exactly are you going to coerce people to wear masks and get vaccinated unless it is by force of the government? There are those who have religious views that prohibit them from being vaccinated or maybe another concern is how the vaccine was rushed. Actually, people’s hands are forced when it comes to wearing a masks. The health department in many localities fine businesses that do not enforce social distancing or mask-wearing. You are wrong on that. Tell me how wearing a mask has stopped when it obviously has not or closing businesses?

Wow Kevin. If you get pregnant you are going to make medical history

@Moravian Not only that, but he is claiming that if he is pregnant, he will make other people pregnant too. LOL

@Moravian, @Heavykevy1985 Perhaps 70% of the people who got corvid did report wearing a mask. But how many times does this have to be repeated. YOU WEAR THE MASK TO STOP YOU PASSING ON THE VIRUS TO OTHER PEOPLE. The protection you get, is accepted as low, though it is still there, too.

@Heavykevy1985 do you have a source for this statistic?

@Moravian nope moron. Both wearing a mask and getting an abortion involve personal choice and should stay that way. Way to totally miss the point

@Fernapple Nope you dumb bitch. Reproductive rights, choosing to get a vaccine, or wearing a mask involves personal choice. Another braying jackasses who misses the plot here

@Heavykevy1985 Wow you're a charmer You are sure going to make lots of friends here.

@Heavykevy1985 Of course they involve choice, but choice is best if based on good information. And choosing to allow yourself to be manipulated, by people who spread disinformation, while making yourself look a fool in public, does not a seem a good choice. But if you are happy with it, then I am pleased for you..

@Heavykevy1985 You are the one missing the "plot" of my post. Social pressure and perks for doing the right thing is not "forcing" anyone to do anything. You make your choices. I make mine.

I'm just gauging in my head how much time I want to spend with my acquaintances who aren't thinkers, but followers of disinformation, and are not thoughtful toward protecting themselves or the greater good.

There are consequences for not being thoughtful. One of my friends likes to join me at music concerts, and during the pandemic we are asked not to sing along with the music, but she does, loudly, right in my face since she sits super close to me, without a mask. I have asked her repeatedly not to sing at the table, but she laughs and continues. Therefore I no longer invite her to our table, which is limited to 6 people max, so she misses out. Others who follow the rules take her place. I'm not forcing her to not sing at the table, but there were consequences for her not abiding by the rules. These concerts are golden, and seats are extremely limited, so it is a huge loss for her not to be invited to the only fun we have on this island, but I refuse to invite someone who directs their droplets into my face, without thinking. These are choices, not force.

Likewise, nobody is forcing vaccinations, but there are perks and incentives in the works to encourage more vaccinations. Right or wrong is not my question. Mine was more of a personal battle I go through with some of my friends/acquaintances who are pretty deep into the woo spirituality and pseudoscience. The pandemic will blow over soon enough, but protecting myself from unthoughtful friends could threaten my health over the next few weeks.

Lucky for me, I just learned I qualify for a vaccine, and I have my first appointment next week, which will make my fears about spending time with some of my friends not so scary.

@Heavykevy1985 And I ask you to stop replying to my post now. I see you are not a respectful person.

@Julie808 actually it is. Government forcing people to shut down their businesses or taking away things because individuals refusing to take a vaccine is force. You are still missing the plot here

@Moravian not concerned making friends with people who take an uncharitable interpretation of the point they are making and someone who is smug and condescending

5

I believe we will reach that 80% level for herd immunity. Call me naive, and many will, people have seen what this disease has done and are tired. Many right wing people I know are getting vaccinated.

I hope you are correct.

3

If you were a kid at school and some of the kids decided it was cool to smear themselves with their own feces, would you want to hang out with that group? That's what far too many people are doing at the microbial level and I have even had a few of these shit smearing idiots try to suggest that I was being phobic because Dog Forbid, I was practicing best PPE practices.
I think it is nice that they self identify, it makes it easier to know who not to socialize with.

0

It's insane, which means part of our populace is crazy.
But not to worry, we all die anyway.

Not planning to die anytime soon and so I just want to enjoy my good health and happiness as long as I can while also navigating the social delicacies of differences of opinions with people around me and without ruffling too many feathers. It will blow over soon enough and there will be another controversy that will divide us in a different way. Good to look at the big picture though, so thanks.

6

You are definitely not wrong to distance yourself from people who may pose a health risk to you. You are not wrong to distance yourself from them for any reason, to take care of yourself.

"Discriminating" against people who pose a risk to you is not like discriminating against someone for race or ethnicity (obviously). It's a good idea to "discriminate" against riding with a drunk driver, or playing Russian roulette, or being in a confined space with an unmasked person during a pandemic. It's also okay to choose who you want to associate with based on conflicting or compatible values.

It's your choice who to associate with, under what circumstances, and if and how you may wish to explain it to them.

Damn skippy!

Thanks. Good point about comparing it to getting into a car with a drunk driver, though I'll substitute unmasked riders in my car, or in my home, both of which I'm careful about and do discriminate (in a good way) so not to let folks who are not safe with their own health into my home/car. Just am working up the nerve to say so outloud to their faces if I can't put them off until we're more clear of and danger. I'm protective of my health and make that pretty well known, but also don't want to hurt feelings. Small island and can't afford to lose too many friends, haha.

6

You are so right in deciding what you think is best for you. They are the ones who are endangering themselves and those around them. You take good care of yourself.

9

I do not admit to my circle of friends anybody that fails to pass a basic sanity test.

As a result, I do not deal with anti-vaxxers, QAnon members, incels, racists, sexists, right-wing nut jobs, sociopaths, misanthropes (which many of your "friends" appear to be), conspiracy theorists or God Mobsters.

You will find that even amongst your friends there will be those who are the ones you do not want to associate with but still do.

We can be friends!
😉

@Jolanta They are acquaintances, not friends. (Sorry for my pedantic use of language.)

As a dear friend once said to me "Those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter.".

2

My guess is that those incentives will work with everyone but the hardcore Trumpers. Once I get vaxxed, I really won't care much if they do or don't get the shots. At least I won't need to worry anymore about getting seriously ill from it. All my friends are up for getting vaxxed ASAP, so there's no conflict for me.

11

I have no problem not associating with people who have no regard for the health and safety of others.
If they claim they are my friends, they should care about my health and well-being. I care about theirs, whether they're my friends or not.

I've already excised several people from my life for not caring about the well-being of others.
I thought perhaps I'd miss them and regret my decision. I haven't, and don't expect I ever will.

Not everyone who comes into our lives is meant to stay in them, and that's really okay.
If people are toxic to your life, it's okay to give 'em the boot.

Hear! Hear!

Perfectly stated! I agree with every word!😉

3

Faithfool leaders may tell their faithfool followers to not get the vaccine. I plan on getting the vaccine when my GF can get it, she's 5 years younger than me.

Ah, a cradle robber....

@Canndue You call a 5 year difference a cradle robber? How about 35 years as I once did?

@anglophone just kidding, I have five years over my wife. My worst was 20 years, great body and sex, but heads just not in the same world..

@Canndue My ex-wife just turned 42 and I'm 74. She was 28 when I married her. I have had both younger and older spouses during my lifetime --married 3 times and common law once.

4

They are a huge part of the problem. If the Orange turf had told his followers to wear masks, most likely a lot less people would have died. Asians wear masks all through flu season, etc. WTF, Americans are such pansy wastes, afraid they can't breath (even without a cop holding them down).

Yes, having smarter health examples by government officials would have been a great help. Also it would have saved lives and fear if our former president wouldn't have shown such hatred for Asians, putting them at risk of violence and death for simply having Asian ancestry.

My grandchildren are Asian, and lucky for them their school district is fairly diverse, but in Chinatowns all over the country and even here in Hawaii, there is violence against elderly Asians. We need to look forward in unity to solve our problems, not be sucked into this separatism the right wing agenda foments.

@Julie808 People attacking Asians is more of the emboldened right wing, white supremacists. My comment was noting that through out the Asian continent, masks are quite common, especially during flu season. I was in Japan 40 years ago, and the trend to wear them was just starting to grow. One can see now in the news,etc how overseas certain areas are doing better by wearing masks.

@Beowulfsfriend Yeah, sorry I went off on a tangent about the violence, but do recognize that in Asian countries they are foar more respectful about wearing masks to protect others from sickness, same here in Hawaii where most folks are courteous about wearing masks to protect others as well as themselves.

1

yes, and i empathize, even while i hold more or less the opposite opinion. I (nominally) work for the gov, transportation authority, and we get $500 (of your $) to get vaccinated. Not sure how that sits with you, i guess ok, if borrowing umpty-ump trillions of dollars to enrich already rich corporations is ok...well, we get a bone too i guess huh.

ok, as i guess you are about to block me, been nice 🙂

after all, no offense, but .03% deaths in a year is scientifically quantified as "insignificant" no matter how you slice it?

"Biologists estimate that 380 trillion viruses are living on and inside your body right now—10 times the number of bacteria..."

I'm not worried that I will die. I'm fairly fit with no health complications. But I did suffer for 2 months over a year ago now, with what most likely was covid-19, and I don't ever want to be that sick again. I lost 2 months of my life and livlihood, because no health and economical safeguards were put in place yet. I live on a small island that unfortunately depends heavily on tourism, and one large outbreak could shut us down. Our strategy therefore is to vaccinate all residents who want it before opening up to travelers without quarantine.

The island of Lanai, for example, had zero cases for months, until one family attended a funeral off island and brought the virus back, and within one week it spread to100 people in a population of under 3000, because everyone uses the same stores and gathering places. They only have one small clinic with I believe 1 or 2 hospital beds and limited resources.

My island is bigger than that, but we still only have 9 ICU beds. The faster we get the bulk of the island vaccinated, the sooner we can welcome visitors again and get the economy up and running safely. I work closely with visitors without masks (performing weddings and funerals) and so I will feel slightly more comfortable after I'm vaccinated, and more comfortable when the bulk of the county is vaccinated and the virus is reduced to a more rare occurrence.

I'm good with tax payer dollars going toward vaccinations. It was the voters who voted in the previous government who did not act quickly nor efficiently to slow the spread of the virus. Therefore the consequence is that the voters need to pay for the mistakes of the previous administration.

@bbyrd009 the problem is you work harder to try and minimize the statistics, than you do to prevent spread. Yes, the percentages are low, and if young healthy and invulnerable, it doesn’t pose a great risk to you. But it does pose a risk to a large percentage of the population. We only have 500,000 thousand deaths, but that was with some draconian measures. Perhaps it’s time to unruffle the panties and open the eyes...

ok then, best of luck to yall

@Julie808, @Canndue so, remember when "flatten the curve" was still a thing? I'm curious, are you going to wear a mask the rest of your life, to avoid getting c-19? Bc near as i can tell thats what you'll have to do guys

@bbyrd009 I'll be wearing a mask as long as it seems necessary. The curve isn't flattened yet around most of the country, and that will be my gauge, as well as advice from the CDC and my local health department. We all do what makes us feel comfortable and secure, as well as the good feeling we get when we know we aren't passing along a deadly virus. -- When I was sick last year with what might have been covid, there were no masks, food deliveries, and such. I made sure I stayed in with my windows closed so as not to infect the people walking by my windows and doors. (I live in an apartment) I social distanced myself before that was a buzz word. Because it was the right thing to do. I would not be able to live with myself if I had given the horrible sickness to someone else, knowing I was contagious.

@Julie808 well, you are just a carrier now? no longer contagious?
i dunno, do what seems best to you yeh

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