I’ve been going to dinner every other Friday evening after work to my ex in-laws for several years now. (I’ve even introduced my boyfriend to them). My ex in-laws are absolutely awesome, loving people. They are supportive and unconditional, and I know I am truly loved. They’ve stepped up and have walked with me through life after the death of my own parents years ago. Even more clearly evident now, because since changing my lifestyle to a vegan way of eating, my mom-in-law adjusts her meal planning to accommodate me while still making a delicious meal. My dad-in-law asks questions and samples things, and is actively looking into a healthier way to eat.
Can you count yourself among the few of us that have unconditional loving in-laws, or ex in-laws?
The day of my divorce, my ex mother, sister and brother in law, invited me to join them for lunch. I'm talking about as we were walking out of the courthouse. My ex wife and her family, are some of the kindest people that I know.
I love MY in-laws. They welcomed me from day one.
I have 3 ex's I am on good terms with, 2 of which I communicate with a few times a week.
I do not get on with my ex wife but long after the divorce stayed in contact with my in=laws. My mother in law was always so much nicer to me than my own family, she also stood by me through the seperation and divorce and was great comfort to my kids. I still miss her.
It touches the heart strings when good people do good things.
I love all my ex-sister-in-laws like they were my sisters. I have 5 of them know the youngest since she was like 10. I would do anything for them. My girlfriendfriend and I still go to the Holliday get togethers. They will always be my family. I feel the same way about my ex mother-in law. But her husband I’d rather break his neck than look at him. He put a gun to my head once when I told him to shoot he didn’t have the balls to do it. My ex wife comes over Xmas eve and spends the night so we all can get up together to open presents. She gets along great with my girlfriend.
I go over to my ex’s christmas eve and stay over as well, so that we all get to open gifts together. As the kids have aged, the youngest are 16, and a boyfriend in the mix for me, I may be looking at changing the dynamic somehow, soon.
I love my sister-in-law to death. She is a wonderful, caring, intelligent woman. Which makes me wonder why she ever wanted to marry my brother.
Well isn't that special....lol
True story... at my brother's wedding, my sister-in-law's (adult) niece started crying out of happiness and said to me, "I can't believe your brother is marrying my aunt." Later on I thought of a good comeback that I didn't think of at the time: "Yeah, you'd think she'd know better." (BURN!)
My ex-in laws were not really warm or people that are close emotionally. That is completely different from my upbringing so I never really felt close with them. I did help provide end of life care for my mil when she was dying from cancer. I’m glad I did it but I helped out approximately 30 hours a week, mostly overnights. Not much sleeping because she needed to be repositioned about every 45 minutes. Again, I’m grateful I could help her stay at home during this time but I hardly even got a thank you from my ex. His sister is a complete narcissist so I’m fine never seeing her again. His brother was career Marines and very conservative so no big loss there either. I did like his wife though and we keep in touch.
My ex did go deer hunting with my dad and brother last fall for 4 days. I was really grateful that when I told my parents we were getting divorced, my dad said to tell my ex he’ll always have a spot hunting with them if he wants it. Ex and I get along very well, we filed ourselves without attorneys.....cost a whopping $377! Lol
It's a shame your ex didn't acknowledge your efforts with his own mother. That may haunt him at some point. Good for you doing what you felt was right.
My ex and I filed through a paralegal friend of mine-court costs were it, somewhere around or under $400 as well.
@MyLiege I have a paralegal friend that gave mine a look too, made me feel a little better. Although the forms were pretty self explanatory.
Yeah I was pretty frustrated with him and his family. Was working full time, going to school full time and taking care of her. And we had 2 middle school daughters. MIL had a severe bedsore that went all the way to her tailbone so she was naked from the waist down....a bit more than I expected to see of her. It was his sister, her daughter, the other sister in law and myself taking care of her 24/7
@Marcie1974 I bet that was frustrating. You are the better person. Can't take back that time, but if you could, would you do anything differently?
@MyLiege I would not. That being said, looking back it was somewhat traumatic watching her waste away like that. I will never put the burden of end-of-life care on my children
@Marcie1974 I agree completely. I have stated to my children that they are not to take care of me, that their job is to ensure a proper placement and that this placement is giving more than adequate care. The emotional burden is far too devastating. I know what it was like to be part caregiver to my Alzheimer grandmother. Horrible.
My ex's parents died young, and I never met them. But I'm very close to my ex. She's actually visiting for a couple of days, and we are quite intimate, short of making out, which is her call. She lives 5 hours away by car, and I wish she'd move closer, just so we could hang out some, go shopping, etc.
It's wonderful that you get along so well with your ex in-laws.
It's also wonderful that you get along with your ex so well.
My in-laws were\are terribly manipulative and abusive to my husband. They are terrible grandparents to our children, and I dread having to deal with them. Somehow they managed to produce an amazing human being, and my favorite person on the planet.
Yay for you and boo for them.
I apprecidated the fact that when I got a divorce, my former inlaws sided with me against their psychopathic (actual, not a random insult), daughter. After 32 years they still will not have anything to do with her.
Wow. Hope she got some kind of help.
@MyLiege There is no "cure" for a psychopathic personality (they cannot empathize with anyone else's situation, have no conscience.). She continues to take advantage, use, and victimize other people. Both my adult children are estranged from her...they will not give her their phone numbers or addresses. The best anyone can do is keep space between oneself and her.
never married, but im counting it anyhow. my most recent exes parents and i have butted heads on and off in the past, and i can't speak for them, but as far as im concerned, they are my family. im not sure if i would feel the same if it wasnt for my youngest son, whos father is said ex. we were never close before he was born and even for at least the first year of his life. we visited and all that but it felt awkward. we are from completely different casts in life, they are god fearing, white picket fence, big house, double lot yard, folks who where both also my high school teachers before i ever knew their son. i grew up poor, in a trailer, in the woods, have never believed in a god, and tend to see things a bit differently than them. also i had issues with authority as a kid so they didnt have a very good opinion of me. after he and i broke up, they thought i wasnt going to let them see the youngin anymore. we sat down and talked and came to understand each other better. i go to their birthdays, random dinners, and even their holidays sometimes. we still butt heads sometimes, but they mean well and thats more than i can say about a lot of folks so they're allright.
I never really cared for my ex in-laws. My MIL was passive aggressive and my FIL was just obnoxious. I did love my sister in law, but she died about a year and a half after we got married. My ex husband adored my mom, and came and visited he all the time. I, on the other hand, am a wonderful MIL.
No. I miss my ex in-laws deeply, but we just don't talk now. Which hurts me deeply, because my ex father in law was the father I never had. But, you know, that's how it goes.
Vegan. Christ in a sidecar, I respect your decision but don't you miss bacon?
Not at all. As my vegan chef boyfriend says—if it can be made, it can be vegan. No cravings either. The difference for me is that I was on board 100% in my decision to go vegan. I educated myself on facts, etc, and knew this was the course that would greatly impact my life positively while also making a positive impact environmentally and in saving animals. So yeah, don’t miss bacon. ?
@MyLiege Then good luck to you with my best wishes. I eat everything. But I am selfish, so you know there's that.
I have maintained a good relationship with my ex inlaws. We spend holidays together, and keep in touch since they moved out of state. I have visited my ex's daughter and stayed with her in my new home, and we are hoping to go to Hawaii together later this year. None of them are speaking to the Ex any more. Funny how things work out!
I never had an issue with my Ex staying friends with my parents, My ex and I were friends until she died, and my wife never had an issue with that, in fact my wife's only issue, my ex was a lesbian and hit on my wife once!
D'oh!
@MyLiege For some reason my wife was often hit on by lesbians, but if you knew her you also knew men wouldn't dare. She worked in all male environments, from the locomotive repair shops in Huntington, WV, an aircraft mechanic, a locomotive driver and she owned a boiler works that built and repaired boilers for steam locomotives! The men in the shop in West Virginia were known to chew up and spit out female apprentices, but not Joan. The toughest, meanest crew in the shop became her mentors and supporters! But don't get the wrong idea, she was a very pretty woman that cleaned up well and turned heads, as well as turning wrenches.
My ex mother-in-law died nearly 20 years ago. I liked her.
My ex father-in-law, I had to report to the police when he physically assaulted me and then refused to let me see my son. He swung the first and only punch, and I was the bad one for putting a poor frail old man though the trauma of having to deal with police, and the threat of going to court and possibly even prison. He's a racist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynist bigot who treats his wife like something he stood in. Like most victims of abuse, she's learned to believe that she doesn't deserve better. I'll feel sorry for my ex and my son the day he stops consuming oxygen, but a part of me will be quietly celebrating, too. As, I suspect, will his wife.
No doubt.
I loved my late Father in Law, cantankerous PIA that he was, far more than his son, my hubby #2, ever did, and he loved me. I wish I still had him in my life! #2 hubby is history........
I've had my trials and tribulations with my ex's family. Although divorced for 25 years I am still connected to his sister and mother because of my daughter and her special needs. After recovering from leukemia and heart failure I made her aunt and uncle her guardians to ensure she is taken care of. I usually see my ex mother-in-law and sister-in-law once a year on my daughter's birthday.
How do you feel about this connection?
I was part of family for 16 years. Had 7 kids in family - many nieces and nephews I lost. Fee lbetter about it than years ago. How are you @MyLiege how's it going?
@sassygirl3869 Time changes things for sure. I am well, and so are things in my life currently. Thanks for asking. How are you?
doing well thanks.
I really lucked out in the mother-in-law department. I couldn't ask for a more kind, caring, loving, understanding, supportive MIL. She is 83. I hate that she is getting older and that we may not have her too much longer. Treasure the time we have with the good ones....
So true, and good for you.
I only have my sister in law, her husband, and my two nephews (once someone calls me uncle, that person is always my nephew, or niece, though I don't have a niece). The boys (well, the men really) are in different places geographically, but when either or both are in town, there is a meal somewhere with all involved. My former SOL in particular has been very helpful in stepping in as a surrogate for my kids when I and my ex had difficulties connecting with them. So I guess that counts. My nephew and his wife just had a little boy, and I can't wait to see him.
Yes. My in laws are beautiful people. They are very different from my own parents. I’ve never really had a close relationship with my own parents due to their parenting styles and situations that happened in my childhood. I love them dearly, but we don’t mesh well.
My in laws, on the other hand, had one son. He died last year at 47 years old... and I am now the daughter they never had. I don’t mind playing that role as I know they need me in their lives. We all took his death hard and I will always love them immensely, just as I know they love me.