Agnostic.com

64 15

Ever been called ugly or some other mean spirited slur to your face?

I got called ugly today and was laughed at pretty hard after it was said. This makes the 5th time in my life someone made sure to let me know what my problem is... Anyone have similar experiences?

MikeMike 5 Apr 19
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

64 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

Sounds like you are hanging around some mean-spirited people. Maybe you should try to find a different social scene in which to operate.

I wish it was a social scene issue, but I have no social scene lol This was at work when we all had some down time and were all hanging around talking. But thank you for your perspective and I will be sure to be more mindful of the people around me in all situations!

@jioo087 In my adult life, the closest I ever lived to my parents, sister and cousins was 130 miles awayles away, and for many years from 1.100 to 1.300 miles away. I never wanted to live where I grew up.

16

Oh yeah. Usually right after turning a guy down.

Yeah one of my instances was when I broke up with a woman because she was scamming people for money and she told me that I was ugly anyway so she is better off.

Yup

12

This may be the most depressing thread I've read here so far.
I feel like I know you all better now though.
❤

People bond more over pain than joy because joy is fleeting but some pain never goes away and when people realize they are not alone in their darkest of times they come together better. Look at natural disasters and how people who would normally dislike each other come together and how the communities are closer afterwards.

12

Many times. I’ll share what my mom told me. When someone says something mean like that they have something dark and scary inside and are trying to make themselves feel better. I eventually learned that there is a term for it, it is called leveling. That is the process when someone doesn’t like themselves very much and are trying to bring other’s down or below their level of self-worth/esteem.

Once I understood that it took the sting out of the insults and instead of returning the insult I gave them a compliment. The insults usually stopped and my self-esteem grew. 🙂

Betty Level 8 Apr 19, 2018

I will keep this is mind, thank you so much for sharing!!!!

10

I was bullied quite a bit as a teenager by schoolmates when I was a relatively newcomer to this country. So yes, I’ve been called ugly and other things. My worst bully though was my own mother who would always remind me that I was ugly and fat (though I never have been overweight). She would tell me that no one would ever want me or even would look at me. Being of Asian origin I’ve also gotten racial slurs. While travelling (I was called crazy Chinese while in Amsterdam) and in my own country (someone called me sushi right to me face and laughed at me). These days I just ignore people who say negative things to me for no reason or I would laugh at them for being ignorant and stupid.

I agree with others here. You are in no way ugly. But still, I would rather be ugly outside than ugly inside like those who’ve called you ugly.

There's countless people who are ugly on the inside. But ultimately it's usually the people that are being made fun of that are truly beautiful on the inside. Hopefully people also realize that even if the person is talking about their appearance it tends to be nonsense, we needn't think twice about it.

Thank you @graceylou, I am sorry you have had to deal with that level of ignorance and I am glad you were able to rise above it, thank you for sharing your story!

@MikeMike No problem. You know, sometimes we just think of that one negative thing someone says to you while we forget the many things that are positive in our day, all the people who smile at you, to those who say hello and how are you, those who compliment your clothes or hair or whatever. We just focus on that one bad thing. As I get older I don’t let that bother me as much. Hey, people can have opinions about me. Not everyone is going to be a fan. Thing is, I don’t have to worry about their opinions either.

10

Beauty is subjective. Don't let it get to you. People are dicks.

Yeah I try not to let it get to me but this was just more on top of everything else I have been dealing with and it just really sat with me, messed my entire day up! But you are 100% right, beauty is subjective , thank you for offering perspective!

9

Sorry that happened. Some people are just awful. Hope the rest of your day was better than that.

Thank you, and the day hasn't really gotten any better but I am trying 🙂 Some people are just horrid and no matter how many times I tell myself that and how many times I try not to let it get to me, I still struggle to ignore it as I have been socially awkward and introverted my entire life and this was part of my stepping out and trying to meet friends and it went horribly 😟 But thank you for the kind words, it really means a lot!

@MikeMike don't stop just because you ran into some jerks. Quick peek@your profile tells me you're not ugly at all.

@Blindbird Thank you, that means a lot as well, and I planned on continuing my adventures, this incident just stung a lot when added to the list of social anxieties I have already

8

So many thoughts on this...but it all comes down to the reality that some people just suck.

And they should suck....a giant bag of d*cks.

YES! But I do not wish ill will on anyone, just that they get what they deserve but that also includes shitty people and if someone is a horrid individual, well then we know what they deserve lol Thank you for the laugh!

@MikeMike Exactly. Lol.

8

I'm a little saddened that so many people have affirmatively responded to this post. 😟

As I said earlier, I think its a generic insult mainly used by those with no imagination.

I am saddened but also amazed at the amount of support, I truly wasn't expecting so many people to not only have had similar or worse experiences but to also be as welcoming and sympathetic as they have been, I am truly having difficulty coming up with words to describe it, I am just blown away and crestfallen at the same time!

@MikeMike don't be crestfallen friend. It's a stupid insult and untrue. Furthermore you now know who to avoid.

8

I am sorry you had that happen. I know it sucks.

20 years ago, during the AOL days, I was 22 and a girl who I was chatting with asked me for a picture. I sent her what I thought was my best and her response was, "Ew. You're ugly" and she disappeared from the chat. It wasn't the first time I'd been called it, but as I had previously tried to avoid such situations, it was the first time as an adult. It stayed with me for many years. My serious relationships have been sparse & it disappoints me how insecure I am due to my fear of that word.

I'm sorry. On the bright side you dodged a bullet. What a bitch.

@Donotbelieve Thank you.

@Blindbird Very likely

I would ask you to take a few moments and look in the mirror. Assess the man you see and ask...is he someone you would hang out with, would he have your back? Would he help you when you're down? Will he stand by you when things go wrong? Would you feel better about yourself for having spent time with him? Is he a loyal and trustworthy friend/lover?

If you answer yes then carry yourself with pride and confidence. The first person you need to love and care about is yourself. Confidence is very attractive and anyone who doesn't see it doesn't matter. The good ones will. 🙂

@Betty Thank you. An important message, very well said.

I am in the same boat, as an introvert I have sparse relationships, and these little incidents are why I have such a hard time talking to women, The last time before this one in which I was called a version of ugly was two women and me and another male friend discussing the recent string of sexual assaults in the entertainment industry and the other male said the difference between harassment and flirting is how attractive the guy is and then used me as the example for harassment and the women agreed that if I tried flirting with them they would be creeped out but other dude was fine. It's shit like that that is hard to let go so i feel you brother,m thank you for sharing!

8

Yes -years ago (damn, 21 - 22?) I managed a Musicland in Mobile, AL. It was a small store, and outside of peak hours, there were many times when there was only one of us running the whole kit and kaboodle. Anyway, one of these mornings, a man and his son (who was maybe five) were buying a CD, and I went to check them out. As I'm trying to talk and be friendly, the boy asks his father, "Daddy, why he so ugly?"

I didn't say a word. The father looks at me, and says, "I don't know; why are you so ugly?"
Then they both laughed, handed me some cash, and left the store.

From the mouths of babes, I suppose. Ended up writing one of my first publilshed poems after that incident.

Geez. What a dick teaching his son to be a dick too.

WTAF? ?

@MarlaPaine My thoughts exactly!!

I am glad such a positive came out of it though, that is awesome, congratulations on getting published what sounds like multiple times! And @Paul628, yeah that is just horrid parenting right there!

8

Not actually to my face but people driving by like to comment on my weight. Was out for a leisurely bike ride once and some guy yelled out, “you’re not going to loose weight riding like that.”

I can only think it makes them feel better about their own insecurities.

Thats awful. Wtf is wrong with those people?

@Paul628 Pretty much the only reason people say stuff like that. I doubt he felt he was actually helping me in some way. ?

Yeah that is just horrendous, and shows more about who they are than anything because they must have really sad lives if that is a form of fun for them! I am so sorry you had to deal with that, keep riding that bike and kicking ass!

@MikeMike Thanks cutie, I will. ?
Sorry you had a run in with any insecure a?? hat today.
I know it’s not easy to let go of hurtful words. I just try to imagine how horrible their life experience must be to bring that out in them and remember that it isn’t about me. There are plenty of people who find me attractive the way I am just like there are lot that see how obviously handsome you are including me. ?

@MarlaPaine Well thank you, that made me blush so bad my hands turned red ? lmao And they truly must have harrowing lives, you are correct! And it's good you know who respects you for you, keep them close as that is always something to be treasured!

8

WTF. Is that you in your profile pic? YOU ARE NOT UGLY!!!! WTAF.

I was called ugly once at a party with a girlfriend by a toothless heroin addict. We all laughed at him for it. Granted, I'm sure I looked like a bag lady next to her, she was model like.

At best I'm cute now. In those days I could stop traffic. Had my day.

My late husband had a friend who hated my guts for "stealing his boy", "his drinking buddy" and called me "mundane" to my face. That didn't end well for him in the end. 20 years later I had the last word. He found out how "mundane" I really am.

Yeah that is me in the pic, and thank you, I have never been complimented by a stranger so I don't how to respond other than thank you! And I am sure you were on point in your day, and it sounds like his friend was just hating because he couldn't have you lol Glad everything worked out for you and thank you for sharing your story!

@MikeMike I think he was in love w/my husband and jealous he chose me over him. My husband had that effect on people of both genders. You had to know him to see what it was. He could charm the pants off a nun. And btw, he had a horrible time young, a late bloomer, bullied, punked by a cheerleader making him think she liked him, then disrespecting him. He grew up gorgeous. Like you.

And you're welcome. My thoughts are sincere. I never blow smoke on topics like this.

@MikeMike go check out pics of Martin Starr (Silicon Valley) young. He was very awkward looking in his youth. He BLOOMED.

You are too kind and that is an incredibly interesting story, your husband sounds like a friend I have who has that effect on people, he attracts even straight men and once i saw a squirrel just randomly decide to chill on his shoulder for about 5 minutes, it was like this dude could even make animals swoon 😛 lmao

@MikeMike LOL!!!! You nailed it.

8

I was called ugly to my face for pretty much the entirety of school.

People can be so awful.

I am sorry you had to go through that. I was picked on in school for years until I got bigger than everyone and then they just started talking behind my back, so I know your pain and hopefully life after school was just as wonderful as I hope it was for you!

8

A couple that I can remember.
A girl that rode the same bus as me to school went on and on about how ugly I was.
She wasn't a model herself and a couple of my friends made her aware of that. I still felt like shit though.

Another time a guy who I worked for had a young daughter (6-7) that kept saying "look how ugly you are."
I wanted to strangle the little shit. 😉

Yeah I have had children ask what is wrong with my face before and "Why does he smile like the joker? He is scary!" That little asshole lmao

7

Yeah -- I was in an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship for many years, where one of her go-to gaslighting tactics was to tell me "you're really lucky I stay with you; who else would ever want to be around someone as fat and disgusting as you are?" -- you can only hear that for so long from someone who's supposed to love you, before it seeps in and you actually start believing it.

But here's the thing: we are all our own worst critics - worse than anyone else out there. We magnify and inflate every flaw, every issue, every non-issue, every insecurity about ourselves... most of us say things to ourselves in the mirror that we would flat-out punch someone for saying about our best friend.

So when someone else comes along and says "you're ugly", it's literally the easiest, cheapest pot-shot to take at another human being... because I don't care if you're Joe Schmo on the street or a million-dollar supermodel, you will agree, because you see flaws in yourself that no one else even does... not even the jerk who flippantly spouted off at you, to get under your skin.

Sure, you could snap back with something sarcastic like "Funny, that's not what your Mom was moaning last night"... but really I don't suggest it; that's a good way to get into an altercation, if someone doesn't have a sense of humor. =)

I looked at your profile, Mike -- you seem like a really nice, educated, good-looking guy. You've even got that 5 o'clock shadow thing going on that looks great on you (but makes me look like a Post Office mug shot). If we went to hang out at the local bar together, I would expect you'd get approached long before I would.

Now, is that me seeing my own flaws, and not seeing or noticing yours? Maybe. Or maybe you really are better looking, from an objective standpoint. Either way, I would chalk the situation up to someone taking a cheap and easy swing at someone else, just to rattle them and feel better about themselves. Sure, you could fire off a snappy retort... but when it's about something already as subjective as human appearance? I'd let it slide, and not think anything more of it.

tmaaz Level 5 Apr 19, 2018

I'm sorry to hear you went through that. Those behaviours can be really damaging.

The only reason I have ever been approached at a bar was to be asked if my hot friend was coming back lol But thank you for the nice words, I try not to snap back at people anymore, I can be mean when I set my mind to it so I keep it leashed up and muzzled and just respond with a smile, a laugh, and a walk away never letting them know they got to me. Sorry you were in such a bad relationship before but glad you have escaped, thanks for sharing your story brother!

7

Oh yeah, When I got my haircut really short, my paternal grandmother, called me "Bruja" - means ugly in Italian.

Yeah I have been called some mean things by family but it is mostly in relation to me being an atheist, but I am sure a loved and respected family member saying something mean about your appearance has to hurt a bit more than usual, I am sorry you had to deal with that! Thank you for sharing your experience!

7

Ive been made fun of quite a lot for being overweight. People can be very mean.

Yeah some people just want to tear others down to build themselves up, I am so sorry you have ever been made to feel that way, hopefully things have gotten better and you never have to deal with that ever again!

Hurting people often hurt other people.

7

Insults hurt when said, but after that it is our choice to re-live the moment or not. Don't give power to that memory.

7

Yup, and worse. My sister in law said to my face that I am ‘inappropriate with no social skills’.
Well. Have to consider the source!

Yeah I wish mine today was from an ironic source if that makes sense, but it wasn't, it was from a rather attractive person and worse yet it was completely unsolicited, they thought I just needed to know... But I will endeavor to keep your mindset when facing this situation again as I am sure I will lol Thank you for sharing your experience!

6

I was bullied almost my entire time in school, from elementary into high school. The kids would call me Helen bellon watermelon. I still remember that and all I wanted was to be friends with my classmates. Growing up my parents would tell me I was worthless, they still do actually. I don't know where my self esteem came from. I have my moments of self doubt, more times than I care to think about. But, for the most part, I choose to be the cashew girl and walk with my head held high and proud of the things I have accomplished and the person I have become.

6

My husband and I usually didn't fight dirty, but we had some tragedies during our marriage, and it took its toll. He had a girlfriend, and we were fighting. I was thin and had nice curves when I was young, and had been pretty good looking,but, after a few things, I gained weight, he had a bit of a beer gut, and we were older. His girlfriend was younger than me, not the brightest bulb in the pack, but a nice enough person. At one point, we were into it, and he told me I was fat, ugly, stupid and he was ashamed to be seen with me. I waited a beat and told him that I understood. A Greek God, Rhodes scholar like him needed a beauty on his arm, who was able to carry on a conversation with all of the geniuses that he hung out with, and I'm sure he has to go to soirees at the White House, and needs to mingle with 4 star generals, ambassadors, and the president. The United States needed them to help govern. He said, what's a soiree. We both started laughing.

6

I was told from early childhood that "I would never amount to nothing" by my stepfather. When I turned 17, I moved out, I met my future wife, now my ex when I turned 22. We bought our first house when I turned 25. We purchased a duplex when I was 28. We purchased a 12 unit apartment building in Los Angeles. We own 11 units in OR and a few properties in other states. Do not let people put you down, it's their own insecurity showing, my stepfather was a lazy POS, never worked a day in his life.

6

Pretty fortuitous for me seeing this post now. Maybe half an hour ago, I happened to come by a video of me on youtube from about five years ago. I typically have a thick skin, but weight has always been a sensitive issue for me. And at the time of the video, I had really ballooned in weight, dealing with, of course bad choices, but also depression and chronic pain. A commenter rather brutaly made fun of my weight. I'm healthy, or getting healthy now, but I won't lie that it made me feel pretty crappy. And I feel stupid for caring. But reading others' responses and support here, I'm feeling a lot better than only moments ago <3

I am so happy that you feel better about yourself. My ex struggles with her weight. It's not easy. I have watched that battle, for years. Take care of yourself, kiddo 🙂

@Sammad95 I am glad you were able to find catharsis in this still surprising outpouring of support for and from everyone here, I was not expecting all of this at all but I am glad it happened because this really has been a changing experience and I am sorry you have had to deal with that, and you are not stupid nor should you feel stupid for caring, we aren't invincible and despite how much we try to be words can damage us, specially, if like you, we are going through something that the words seem to hit hardest. Thank you for sharing and I am glad you feel better and keep kicking ass regardless of what anyone says!

6

The moral of the story is people can be total assholes. I couldn't tell you how many times people made fun of my weight in school. I also had an adult sized head since like the 4th grade, they always find something. I've learned not to give half a damn about what others, especially people that I don't care about, think. Either that or I think of some witty comeback. Here's something that happened in middle school. This was in fact after I had lost near 40 pounds.
Person: Why are you so fat?
Me: Why are you so anorexic? You should go eat a sandwich.
There was a time where my sister claimed that have no purpose in life because I was atheist. And she didn't even give me a chance to respond. She just kept on raising her voice: "No! You don't have any purpose!"
😀 I was so sick of it. Of course I don't normally say things like that. Only if someone is being a total dick.

It is hard sometimes to just let it go but yours and all the other stories have been inspiring, thank you for sharing your story and glad you found a way to get them off your back!

6

I stopped by my baby brother's house after job hunting. His room-mate's girlfriend said "You look kind of pretty when you wear makeup". I wanted to punch her.

Another time I was in Shipley's Donuts getting donuts for my kids and husband. The cashier asks how many months pregnant I was. I just told her that I wasn't pregnant, just fat. She turned all shades of red.

My older sister is known as the pretty sister. We were in a dance club, and a guy asked her to dance. His friend came up to me after she left and told me that since she was already dancing he might as well dance with me.

I truly hated my early years.

Good! Glad you could make her instantly regret her decision in a peaceful way!

I would of asked for some free donuts for that rude comment.

In her defense, I had given birth a couple of months before that. Bottom line though, if you don't know the woman don't assume she's pregnant.

I'll never in my life understand why someone would assume a woman is pregnant and then ask her about it.
I don't know why they even say anything about it to someone they don't know.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:61609
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.