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"You better not have hair anywhere else on your body."

Or what? ... I can't have arm hairs? For weeks, I've been laughing about this comment from a guy I never met. He had asked if I shave my legs and twat.

This from Dave, an over-talking doofus with severe ED. Even self-administered shots in his wanker (cringe) don't work. He hasn't had sex in eight years. In my kiss-off letter, I wrote:

You seem to have reduced me to my feet, breasts and butt. "I want to see your breasts," you said. "You look like a B (cup). I want to see that your breasts aren't hanging to your pants pockets." Before that, you wanted to see my feet. And my butt. Stop it.

This is sexual objectification: reducing women to an object for men's sexual pleasure. I can't stand it. The more you talk, the more disenchanted I become.

What Dave doesn't know about women. Humans have over 5,000 hair follicles from head to toe. Some hairs are so fine, they are virtually invisible. The number and thickness of hairs vary, depending on gender, hair color, national origin and more.

Unwanted hair

In her hilarious book, I Feel Bad About My Neck, Nora Ephron wrote:

"I am sorry to report that I have a mustache. The truth is, I probably always had a mustache, but for years it was sort of dormant, or incipient, or threatening, in the way a cloudy sky threatens to rain. On a few occasions in my younger years it turned dark and stormy, and when it did, I dealt with it by going to the drugstore and buying a much-too-large jar of something called Jolene creme bleach. (I always tried to buy a smaller jar of Jolene creme bleach, but no one stocks it, for the obvious reason that it costs less than the big jar.)

"But then, along came menopause. And with it, my mustache changed: it was no longer dormant, incipient, and threatening: it was now just plain there."

Date with hot wax

With menopause, women's estrogen level drops, and our proportion of testosterone rises. Twice a week, I examine my face and neck with a flashlight, magnifying mirror, tweezers and hot wax. It takes nerves of steel.

If I gave up on maintenance, I would turn into a mini-Sasquach and melt into the woods, scaring hikers and children.

LiterateHiker 9 Dec 16
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25 comments

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10

Crap like this is making it easier and easier to be alone.

Focusing on paying off mortgage.

7

For the Wanker Hall of Fame, we all nominate Dave the Doofus. As someone starting "the change" early, all I can say is if you don't like the hair on my neck, feel free to look at something else. In Dave's case, his own flaccid member could be an object of contemplation...

@SkagwayKim

Love your hilarious, priceless comment! Thanks for the belly laugh.

7

As I got older I noticed that hair started growing out of every opening except my head. Yes daily maintenance is required.

congratulations! not everyone is prepared to consider their head an opening. thats quite a feat despite the frequency of such a condition. peace.

@Sierra4

Hilarious! You have my sympathy.

I feel aghast and amused by old men who look like they were lifted up by the eyebrows.

@LiterateHiker
l keep it trimmed or plucked.

7

better keep it up lest some unfamiliar hiker reports a Bigfoot with nice feet up there.

6

Don't change anything you are perfect

bobwjr Level 10 Dec 16, 2021

@bowjr

Thank you, Bob.

5

I told my husband that I will not shave my vag due to ingrown hairs, and if he wants me to look like a child down there, we need to get him to a psychiatrist.
I’ll go to the pool looking like Yosemite Sam if I please. My GAF meter broke long ago.

A man once told me that women with no pubs simply looked younger. Yeah, like what? Age 10.

@DenoPenno

Caitlin Moran wrote in her hilarious book, How To Be A Woman -

"I can't believe we're got to a point where it's basically costing us money to have a vagina. They're making us pay for maintenance and upkeep of our lulus, like they're a community garden. This is money we should be paying for the electric bill and cheese and berets. Instead, we're wasting it on making our Chihuahuas look like a skanky chicken breast. God DAMN you, mores of pornography that have made it into my undies. GOOD DAMN YOU.

"And, of course, it is pornography that's costing us all this money, time, and follicular pain. If you ask the question, "Why do 21st century women feel they have to remove their pubic hair?" the answer is, "Because everyone does in pornography."

5

Ahhh, the blessings of being a natural blonde. I haven't shaved my legs or pits in years, those few hairs there are at best translucent. I pluck a few hard hairs from my chin from time to time, but only because they annoy me. I am not going to shave ever again. If a future partner wants shaved... only if he agrees to be shaved as well.

I must admit that I have wondered what it would feel like to have sex with Gustave Courbet's "L'Origine du monde" (NSFW link: [musee-orsay.fr] , in French).

5

I admire your skills and ability to unearth such raging fruitcakes.

@anglophone

On dating sites, men in my age group are moldy leftovers.

Guys who have been rejected over-and-over.

@LiterateHiker Hmm. I do not envy you. And they wonder they keep getting reject slips? Sigh.

Yeah, she just might be kicking my ass at that. I salute you.

@LiterateHiker why do you keep going back to “dating” sites. Obviously, you’re luck is not good there. Are there no other opportunities for social interaction? Health clubs , meet up, singles touring, etc?

@Canndue

Not during the pandemic. The YMCA was closed for two years.

I go to the YMCA gym at 2:00 when it's empty. Perfect.

When Fitness Singles expires in May 2022, Poof! ... I'm gone.

@LiterateHiker I assume you are fairly rural…since easy access to beautiful hikes….have you checked out “meet up”? A chance to meet with folks with similar interests. Could start your own group if none up there. Check out pickle ball if they have any around you. Great fun sport, social aspect, and adored by folk in our age range.

@Canndue

There's a pandemic raging, in case you didn't notice.

Four years ago, the local meetup group was cancelled due to lack of participation. Too sedentary for me.

They met to play Bunko (whatever that is.) Pizza and wine that I don't like. Soporific baseball games. Fishing is severely boring to me.

@LiterateHiker ah yes, the pandemic….seems like I read something about that….

@LiterateHiker
I am not moldy.

5

Some of these gents you bump into, I’m not sure you aren’t shopping in a church....🤨
He happen to look like this?!?

5

I hate body hair, on me, I don't care if anyone else has it unless they insist on going to the beach in a bathing suit that sports a mustache. Seriously if you just must wear revealing clothing then please trim the hedges. Otherwise feel free to let it grow out like cousin It, I'll still be shaving, waxing and pulling out hair with tweezers because yuck!

I had surgery last month and wasn't allowed to shave my legs, something I had done for my entire life (or at least from age 13 or whereabouts). It was quite interesting because I realized I had no idea what my leg hair looked like! Now that my curiosity has been satisfied, I don't intend to see it ever again.

5

What a putz Dave is. I can't imagine anyone wanting to have sex with him even if he had working parts.

I love that Nora Ephron book, and still have it around here somewhere. I should re-read it. For a few years I would gift it to friends who were approaching "the change" in the hopes they would find the humor in it.

He probably looks like Sasquatch with his clothes off.....😁

4

I'm so glad I am not on any dating sites or around anyone who would dare say something like that!

4

Why would a guy who can't get it up be so picky about the women he's just going to disappoint? You'd think he'd be happy with anyone who doesn't reject him in the first 10 mins.

@Sgt_Spanky

Exactly. He's no prize.

4

I resemble Billy Gibbons.[en.wikipedia.org]

@Moolah

Very funny! Ick and yuck.

4

I share your pain! I know exactly where my tweezers and magnifying mirror are.

The hubris of people on dating sites is constantly amazing. Just yesterday I rejected some guy who said he was a strong conservative, but I should meet him because he would never let that get in the way of a loving relationship, because his faith in God wouldn't permit it, lololol!

Let Mr. ED fade into the rear view mirror. Breathe a sigh of relief.

3

No small wonder as to why he hasn't had sex in over eight years, and from the sounds of it, it is going to be a lot longer.

3

Curious, why did you waste any time on this troll? Geesh

Btw- how big are your breasts? 😂😂😂

Seriously, there are good single men and women out there. Is it really that hard to find someone? Maybe naive, since I haven’t dated in 25 years, but still get women showing interest…

@Canndue

On dating sites, men my age are the moldy leftovers. They have been rejected repeatedly. Refuse to change their behavior.

Three fit guys had ED and didn't have the courtesy to tell me. "I wanted to see if I could do it naturally," they shamefacedly said after I gave up. All three admitted Viagra was in their jacket pocket. FLUSH.

To top it off, I met over 50 man-children who never learned to cook. They wanted a female slave to do all of the meal planning, cooking, dishwashing, laundry housecleaning, weeding and great sex.

"You need to hire a cook, a gardener and a housecleaner," I told them. "I'm out."

@LiterateHiker all of those wants are fine if you offer others things to match it. Great sex, in my opinion, is a win-win…… if they want to sit and drink and occasionally screw, no way but if they deal with the cars and bills and repairs and snow removal and trash and clean after dinner….make some deals. No one should do it all , but working together, cool things happen.

@Canndue

Changing the car oil every six months (I go to Jiffy Lube) is NOT commensurate with planning and cooking three meals/day, dishwashing, housecleaning, laundry, etc. It's too much of a burden.

Although I'm a great cook, I am not willing to cook every day. Sometimes I fold up a piece of lettuce and eat it standing over the sink. Popcorn, a handful of nuts and I'm set.

Last Friday, my elderly friend had shoulder surgery. I started on Wednesday, simmering homemade chicken broth for five hours. Strained it and refrigerated overnight.

In the morning, I skimmed fat off surface of cold broth. Roasted four organic chicken breasts. Made soup with the broth, fresh vegetables, shredded chicken, herbs, a little soy sauce, garlic and ginger. Yum.

The day before her surgery, I brought her half of the pot of soup. "I love your soup," she texted. "It's delicious."

@LiterateHiker I agree with you, you have to make deals, and those change over time, sharing a piece of lettuce over the sink can be sexy as hell…..

@LiterateHiker you wouldn't want to share that recipe would you?...I haven't mastered a good Chicken Soup yet(mental block having grown up on a chicken farm...hated the fact we ate chicken 4 days a week)I have a pretty decent Beef Soup recipe I would trade???

@phoenixone1

Chicken Vegetable Soup by Kathleen Miller

NOTE: Have on hand one quart of organic, low sodium, chicken broth.

Freeze chicken and turkey bones in gallon Ziploc bags. When you have 1-1/2 to 2 gallons bags of bones, make soup.

Day 1: Make Broth (6 hours, mostly unattended) No salt yet.

  1. Put chicken/turkey bones in a large soup pot. Fill pot with cold water until the bones are covered.

  2. Chop and add: two large carrots, three celery stalks, 2-3 pale celery stems with leaves, 1/2 sweet onion, 5 whole cloves, one or two quarter-inch slices (rounds) of fresh ginger, and 1/2 tsp. each of dried, chopped Italian parsley, 2 peppercorns, 6 parsley stems, thyme, and 2 sage leaves. Add more water to cover vegetables.

  3. Cover with the lid slightly ajar. Slowly bring to a boll. Reduce to low, slow simmer. Cover with the lid ajar at an angle.

  4. As the broth heats, quite a heavy scum rises to the top. If a clear soup is wanted, it is imperative to skim off this foamy albuminous material before the first half hour of cooking. After the last skimming, wipe the edge of the pot at the level of the soup.

  5. Simmer the broth partially covered, with the lid at an angle, for four of five hours. You want to intensify the flavor and extract all the goodness from the ingredients.

  6. Strain the soup with a ladle instead of pouring. Ladle into a big mixing bowl through a fine strainer, or two layers of damp cheesecloth. Discard the bones and spent vegetables. Discard dark scum in the bottom of the pot.

  7. Wash the soup pot. Carefully pour in strained broth. Cover and refrigerate broth overnight.

I keep ginger on hand by freezing.

Peel fresh ginger with a carrot peeler. Cut apart the ginger "fingers." Slice into 1/4-inch pieces. With a sheet of wax paper, place ginger rounds in a line. Fold over the wax paper to separate the ginger line. Make another line. Fold over. When you're done, twist the ends, pop into a freezer bag, and freeze.

Parchment paper doesn't work. Frozen ginger sticks to parchment paper.

@phoenixone1

Chicken Vegetable Soup by Kathleen Miller

Day 2: Make the Soup

  1. Skim off fat from the surface of the cold broth. Begin heating on low heat.

Four large carrots, 4 celery stalks, two celery stems with pale leaves, 1/2 large sweet onion, 6 ripe tomatoes, 5 scrubbed red potatoes with skin, four roasted chicken breasts, one bag frozen slender green beans, 1/4 tsp. black pepper, scant 1 tsp. salt, 1/8 cup soy sauce, 1-2 cloves fresh garlic, 1 bay leaf, and 1/2. tsp. each dried chopped rosemary, Italian thyme, and parsley.

  1. Roast chicken breasts at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. Remove from oven and cool.

  2. Set aside potatoes and green beans. Chop vegetables. Add the rest of the vegetables and ingredients to the pot. If you don't have enough broth to cover the vegetables, add low sodium organic chicken broth. Bring to a boil, and reduce to low simmer. Cover with the lid ajar at an angle.

  3. During the first 30 minutes of cooking, skim off foamy scum. Wipe the inside of the pot at the level of the soup.

  4. Slowly simmer for 4-5 hours with the lid ajar at an angle. Meanwhile, remove skin from chicken. Shred chicken into bite-sized pieces. (I learned this from Chinese restaurants.) Refrigerate chicken.

  5. Check to see if the carrots and celery are done. Add diced potatoes, bring to a boil and simmer for 20 minutes. Check potatoes for doneness.

  6. Add the frozen green beans. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and cook for 5 minutes until tender-crisp.

  7. Remove pot from heat. Add shredded chicken. Gently warm the chicken in the hot broth for 10 minutes with the lid covered. Before serving, remove bay leaves and celery stems with leaves.

@phoenixone1

I forgot the green beans! Add frozen green beans once the potatoes are cooked. Bring to a boil, and simmer for 5-7 minutes until tender crisp.

Then, remove the pot from heat. Add roasted, shredded chicken. Stir. Warm the chicken in the hot soup for 10 minutes.

@LiterateHiker Wow...far more and better than I ever expected. I am very grateful for this. My recipe will not be as sophosticated and I am sure you can tweek it better. Give me a day to get it typed up as I just had my other eye operated on(cataracts and new lens...I can drive without glasses again...not since mid 90's 🤗). Thank you so much...the recipe looks basically like a reduction?

@phoenixone1

You're welcome. I improved the soup over the years.

Each summer, I grow Italian parsley in a pot. I freeze the stems for soup.

Cut down and dry parsley in door frames (see photo). Hanging bunches of herbs get moldy. Air must circulate between the leaves.

Also for split pea and bean soups, I cut off and freeze the hard rinds of Parmigiano Reggiano cheese. It adds delicious flavor.

@phoenixone1

Just copy and paste the recipes onto a document. Edit (add the green beans. )

@phoenixone1

I assume you know to occasionally stir soup while it's cooking.

@LiterateHiker well this string certainly took a turn...nice tip with the cheese. I am 1/4 Italian so there is ALWAYS some sort of Italian Cheese in this house...would it be OK to message you with the Beef Soup Recipe...?

@phoenixone1

Thanks, but I don't eat beef.

When I was 24, my dad died of colon cancer. Immediately I stopped eating beef and cancer-causing processed and preserved meats. Don't miss it.

@LiterateHiker sorry for your loss ... I understand. Thanks for the Chicken Soup Recipe though. I have a Turkey and Roaster Chicken in the Freezer I will be doing over the Holidays so I can't wait to try this.

3

The stamina it takes to meet and date is to much for me. I fully understand I will be single until the end. 😘

@Wangobango3

Spoken like a man.

Think of it as an adventure.

@Wangobango3 You’re correct. Not all encounters have to go in a romantic direction, but try telling that to someone who fancies you! 🤣

Me, too.
I'm good with it.

@KKGator me too! Just fine being on my own. 😉

3

"You better not..." ??????

Give me a fucking break.
It's guys like that who have absolutely poisoned the entire dating pool.
I've run into too many of them.
They've got a list of demands as long as your arm, but are completely and utterly lacking in any self-awareness.
Not to mention, to a man, every single one of them that I've encountered are complete shit in bed.
Fuck. That. Noise.
It's not worth my time.
Besides, I am quite capable of satisfying my own needs.
I don't need their bullshit.

@KKGator

Well said. Thank you.

Most guys are selfish, lousy lovers, yet absurdly picky about women.

I feel lucky to have had 5-6 outstanding lovers in my lifetime. Ooo la la!

Ma'am, I like your style. 🙂

@LiterateHiker Same.
There have been far more that thought they were better than they were.
Once you've actually had good sex, it's impossible to settle for mediocre or bad sex.
Most of the men my age are such a disappointment, it's best just to take care of myself.

@KKGator Ben Shapiro "W.A.P. is a myth. Ask my wife."
He really said this.

@LiterateHiker You have been a lucky lady. Some of us men have the same problem . I can for myself, not all of us men are selfish . Some of us love to please our partners.

@BufftonBeotch Ben Shapiro is a myth.
😉

3

I guess that you found him as attractive as a rattlesnake in a lucky dip.

2

You make me laugh and I love your posts. As for a little bit of hair underarms and twat - I love it! It seems so un-natural to me if women are hairless. It seems that we live in an age where both sexes want you to be hairless. That just is not a part of my world.

@DenoPenno

Loved: "You make me laugh and I love your posts." Thank you!

2

Funny isn't it . Men are so very proud of their own body hair , but shame women if we have it . Good old double standard , again .

I have never understood any man's obsession with anybody else's body hair.

@anglophone

Most men expect women to have pre-pubescent skin smoothness. It has been this way for eons. Native American women removed body hair with sharpened clamshells.

@LiterateHiker I must be an outlier in that case. Thanks for the tip about Native American women.

Whenever I hear arguments like “men this” or “men that”, That’s a signal to go elsewhere. You can change “men” to black or brown or yellow or Jew or Muslim etc. It’s the same poisonous prejudice.

Reality is there are worthless bitchy women out there, but the vast majority are awesome, when you get a chance to know them. Same with men.

@Canndue

Have some empathy for women: what we go through with men. Beatings, rape, meanness, killing, abuse, forcing us to have unwanted children... the list goes on.

My daughter's abusive husband nearly killed her. They are divorced, thank goodness. Claire is getting treatment for PTSD.

@LiterateHiker I am sorry to hear that about Claire. I cannot understand what drives anybody to behave the way her husband did.

@anglophone

Thank you.

@LiterateHiker OUCH😵😳🤢

1

Caitlin Moran wrote in her hilarious book, How To Be A Woman -

"I can't believe we're got to a point where it's basically costing us money to have a vagina. They're making us pay for maintenance and upkeep of our lulus, like they're a community garden. This is money we should be paying for the ELECTRIC BILL and CHEESE and BERETS.

"Instead, we're wasting it on making our Chihuahuas look like a skanky chicken breast. God DAMN you, mores of pornography that have made it into my undies. GOD DAMN YOU.

"And, of course, it is pornography that's costing us all this money, time, and follicular pain. If you ask the question, "Why do 21st century women feel they have to remove their pubic hair?" the answer is, "Because everyone does in pornography."

1

My first wife and I did the shaving thing for a while...it gets old and itchy...not worth the effort. Trim maybe so you don't have critters hanging out of your bathing suits. Great sex is all in the mind and all about dedicating yourselves and focusing on your partner. The best lover I ever had let me explore her all night long and resulted in her being in constant orgasm almost the entire time. She responded with a passion I never imagined possible. Keep looking, just don't settle.

1

Do twats have hair follicles, inquiring for a friend.....🤔

@Buck

Twat (dictionary.com)

noun Slang: Vulgar.

  1. vulva.

@LiterateHiker Yes, thank you kindly for the anatomy lesson!! However I was unaware a Vulva had hair follicles.....never felt any with my tongue before.....🤔

I think Beavus may be mistaken.....🤔

@Buck

For humor, I wrote "twat" and "wanker" instead of anatomical terms.

@LiterateHiker Ya know, if I go down on you, and you call it a vulva and not a pussy, that would be a deal breaker…. Vulva is for dinner conversation….just saying

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