Inefficient behavior. What's behind it?
As an organized, efficient person, I felt shocked when I asked a man to unload the dishwasher. I had just made dinner. "The least he can do is unload the dishwasher," I thought.
To my amazement, he removed a single plate, closed the dishwasher and put the plate in the cupboard. Repeat. Couldn't stop myself from stepping in.
"Look, I stack dishes on the counter," I said. "Then I lift stacked dishes into the cupboard. This saves time." My mother taught me to be efficient.
Each date is an evaluation of compatibility by both people. It's fun to cook together.
Does he ask to help? Chop vegetables, fill water glasses, set the table or wash dishes? Or sit on his butt waiting for me to set a filled plate in front of him? Worse was a lawyer who criticized my cooking while wolfing it down.
When people learn a new task, they naturally work faster as they gain mastery. Perhaps that man was inexperienced. Maybe he was trying to get me to do it instead.
Your thoughts?
9
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18 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button."Clearly he didn't want to do it," a psychologist friend said last night.
LiterateHiker
Level 9
Mar 7, 2022
0
Honestly, if you can't figure this one out, you're as clueless as he is.
Toonman
Level 6
Mar 6, 2022
1
I kicked him to the curb.
Every date is an evaluation of compatibility by both people.
I would not expect a guest, first date or not, to do chores; let alone be efficient in an unfamiliar kitchen. That said, I would want someone I was considering coupling with to have culinary competence.
There is real joy in sharing great cooking with each other.
BufftonBeotch
Level 8
Mar 6, 2022
1
Like it or not, every date is an evaluation by both people.
Of course I showed him where dishes and silverware go.
@LiterateHiker I don't go full on Navy Seal Hell Week nullification on first dates.
Just try to relax and figure out some mutual interests.
I'm not at all really emotionally invested in the idea of living with a man full time ever again.
That may be why "seeing" men is just blase to me.
Expecting a man to step up and help in the kitchen is reasonable.
I refuse to wait on a lazy, sexist man-child. It's not the 1950s.
@LiterateHiker You seem to be putting men through a Squid Game level audition.
The giant doll with the laser death eyes.
I don't watch violence and that includes "Squid Game."
@LiterateHiker Well, if a man expected me to do kitchen patrol on the first date he certainly would not be invited to the bangbang happy time petting zoo.
And he'd also be blocked across all media platforms.
Learned helplessness. If he does it badly someone else will take over. My ex had been a good, or at least experimental cook when I met him. He quickly learned to be inefficient in the kitchen. We agreed he would cook dinner on Saturdays. He cooked pizza every week, from scratch, and every week it got worse. Then we had another child, and then we moved, and he never cooked a dinner again. When he lived alone he reheated convenience meals from the grocery store. Now he lives in a retirement center, and from what I understand he eats in the dining room and lets them do the cooking. When we have extended family meals he never contributes, which really pisses me off. He has more money than all of us, and I don't like subsidizing him.
HippieChick58
Level 9
Mar 6, 2022
2
I don't expect a guest to do things in my home. Once they become more than that, it's on. I'm a bit of an efficiency nut myself. I find the shortest way to do most everything without losing quality. I'd say, this person doesn't give a crap and expects you to wait on him. He obviously didn't want to be part of anything approaching teamwork.
Larimar
Level 8
Mar 6, 2022
3
So you are still at it. Try to find Mr Right, your soul mate.
Jolanta
Level 9
Mar 6, 2022
2
Kahil Gibran said: “Every man loves two women; the one is the creation of his imagination and the other is not yet born” I think that his statement equally applies to women in their relationship to men.
Since the pandemic started, I stopped meeting men.
Only kissed one man. We are both vaccinated.
@LiterateHiker was he worth kissing?
Ooo la la! He was worth kissing and having sex with.
So many variables. Maybe he was distracted, maybe he wanted to spend more time in the kitchen admiring your arse 
If it's a first date he's not thinking efficiency he's thinking about how he's going to get into your panties.
Cyklone
Level 7
Mar 6, 2022
7
Good point! Perhaps the issue wasn't really about the dishwasher....
Well said. Good point.
This idiot wants waited on and he thinks in terms who's work is man or woman. On food I will put it this way. I prefer to make my own plate. That is what pleases me. Does anyone else know what I am going to eat or how much I eat? No. I prefer to make my own plate.
DenoPenno
Level 9
Mar 6, 2022
3
I've always found the chore thing to be a 2 way street and if from jump it's clear he's going one way I'm pedal to the medal gone.
silverotter11
Level 9
Mar 6, 2022
4
Assuming you are close in age there is no excuse. Maybe, in the future, when meeting a new guy you should have a list of questions and one should be is he housebroken.
JackPedigo
Level 9
Mar 6, 2022
5
It's an elaborate conspiracy perpetrated by the lizard people and the Rothschild family to keep people from realizing their true potential.
They killed Michael Jackson because he was on to them and was THIS CLOSE to blowing the whole thing wide open.
Toonman
Level 6
Mar 6, 2022
5
Well, there are many ways I could think about your description of the man unloading a dishwater. I do not expect visitors to load or unload the dishwasher after dinner, if they volunteer to do so that is a different matter. If I do not like how someone is loading or unloading a dishwasher in my home then I would intervene with minimal fuss and take over the task with a smile. It would not something that would irritate me 
ASTRALMAX
Level 8
Mar 6, 2022
6
He just didn't want to do it.
KKGator
Level 9
Mar 6, 2022
6
Good point.
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