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Why do we all overthink dating?

Why can’t we all quit overthinking, say hi in a message, and meet for coffee, dinner, or a movie?
Part of the adventure in life is making friends and finding “the one”. How about trying it?

CandyWorner 5 Apr 26
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23 comments

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10

Hell show up first and then we can see if we piss each other off.

I always show up. So far the other person has showed up as well. This is a good sign.

@SonderOpia Oh if only distance didn`t separate us ahhhh

5

Great question. Wish I knew. Is it to do with rejection maybe?

Fear of rejection probably.

@CandyWorner I think so. I think that there is always an element of fear of rejection, no matter how confident or self sufficient a person is.

5

I think to some extent we want so much to be liked yet are scared of thinking they found the "one", and being wrong.

I understand. When I got to the start of walking down the aisle, years ago, that crossed my mind and I decided to keep going. I was madly in love with him for twenty-nine years. It was worth taking the chance.

4

I've had luck reaching out to meet people online. I don't buy into "finding the one," but making friends, forming relationships, and finding love are definitely worth the risk of rejection to me.

4

Because I know damn well that I will disappoint the person who has the guts to initiate any contact with me.
If you think this is a thinly veiled attempt at reverse psychology, then bully for you. 100000 internet points.

What if the opposite were true?

@CandyWorner To clarify, you mean if I were to impress someone rather than disappoint?

@Hicks66 yes

@CandyWorner Well, when I find out, I'll let you know.

@Hicks66 cool!

4

Because nobody wants to get hurt.

You don't know what I'm into. LOL

I think we should pump each other up to try!

4

I'm all about it. I find the men don't really want to meet.

Oh but you can't say that for each and every one....

@IamNobody Yah, what you said.....hurmph!

Well that just makes it more convenient for those of us that actually show up while the posers keep posin'.

I’ve been getting that feeling on this site. Could they be overthinking or shy?

@IamNobody well. True for me, so far. So .....

@tryingcake understand... Just pulling your leg a little bit. I wish we both were in the same area but..... Wish you better luck, ok?

3

The PROBLEM with dating ................ going on a date is like going to a job interview. Only thing is that you are uncertain if you want the job, don't even know if you would like the job, are not sure you are ready to retrain for a new job and really the only thing you really want are the benefits the job has to offer.

Continuing with the analogy above, the big hurtle of the job interview process (dating) is trying to get a positive reaction from the HR department to get the interview. 🙂

The thing is you can be more creative with dating.

3

IKR? Back when I was dating, my attitude was like "Hey, I think you're cool; wanna go out?" And if that went well, next up was "Wanna smash?". And always in the back of my mind was "This probably isn't going to work out--who cares either way? You're not gonna find the right one right away; gotta try on a few that don't fit, first. No big deal."

That was back when I was significantly more naive and didn't fully realize the effect I was having on men--nor how most people are about "taking chances", or how to behave when you discover a bad fit. Now that I have a wider window on such things, I wouldn't bother. I can't take the drama.

TL;DR: Brilliant theory; crap practice.

2

Under doing leaves overthinking as the remaining option. People have mentioned the distance factor. It is tough to arrange a quick meeting over a long distance. That requires planning. Planning is work. Work is unpopular.

2

I met someone recently who I'm getting to know, and it's essential that I stop overthinking as neither of us have any idea where it's going right now and I don't want to assume anything or jump the gun. It's actually helping me to just enjoy the journey and the relationship that's developing. Hard to grasp that I can't control this. This isn't easy for me because my M.O. is to overthink everything! Especially when my fears creep in. Been a huge learning curve for me.

Awesome!

2

I would like that very much, if only we were closer. Have a nice day !!

1

That's what I do when I see someone nearby within reason.

1

It's SCARY! ☺

1

Life is full of adventures. One must love themselves if they are to ever find someone to love. As for "the one", I'm hoping for more than one "the one".

1

Because dating sites are terrifying. So why am I doing this? Friends encouraged me to try Match and Zoosk. I saw this posted on FB. My 60+ year old BFF found her awesome boyfriend on Match. I found both of them horrible. Hoping this will be better.

1

Side effect of modern life.

1

I don't worry about that at all. Never have. Just enjoy the beauty that life has to offer. Once its done, it's for good and you will cease to exist eventually, so just enjoy the pleasure of what every human being has to offer; they too have a story to tell.

0

I just pay someone else to go for me on the first one. I take the reins on the second. Seems to work fine ... every other date. ?

0

100% truth. In this day in age dating is like a job interview

0

For me personally it's because I'm a bit of a twat 🙂

I don't believe that for a moment ipdg77. A large % of ASD people have difficulties with dating because of social anxiety probs and a lack of 'romantic' and social skills/feelings/inclinations. But can't ASD ppl invent their own form of dating......... maybe even keep notes on what works........ then write and publish a paper......?????

0

I actually don't pay it much attention.

0

I don’t over think it.

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