I'm reminded to be careful what you ask for. With that said I'm fully prepared for the critism and rebuke of what I'm about to post. This is also MY story, not hers. This will be long winded so many may find it beneficial to simply skip the post.
A few years ago my wife and I lost our daughter to a liver disease she was born with. Rachael was not my daughter but my step daughter whom I helped raise since the age of around 6. During our marriage she endured not 1 but 2 liver transplants and passed away at age 20. Although there isn't a definitive name for her condition the doctors said it most closely resembled Caroli disease. She wasn't expected to live when she was born but due to excellent surgeons she survived. In any case this death has caused much pain for my wife and terrible stress upon our marriage.
Fast forward to recent events. We live in a large house and I had been living in the basement of the house and our relationship has been mostly nonexistent for years. My wife informed me in April of this year that she wanted a separation/divorce. I don't do separation so divorce it was. Several days after that she informed me she met another man online and intended to move from IL to PA to be with him. She stated she was extremely depressed and needed to get herself right. She said she wanted the divorce done without attorneys and I would need to agree with the terms or she would involve an attorney resulting in a long, difficult and expensive divorce. In our 17 years of marriage she never once held a job so my financial responsibility in terms of divorce would be significant. We also share a 16 year old daughter, Samara, who quite frankly has been through way too much bullshit in her short life than child should have to endure.
My wife's divorce terms were that I would receive 100% physical custody of our daughter, no CS by either party. Alimony, after much arguing would consist of a 10K payment up front followed by 10 months of $1,200 a month. The house would be 100% my property. A great deal for me for sure. Seems obvious her intent was to leave ASAP and be done with the marriage. We agreed, filled out the paperwork ourselves and I paid to have the documents filed at the courthouse. She is the petitioner and I am the respondant in the filing. Court date for the divorce hearing is set for early August of this year.
After the divorce was filed but not completed I paid my wife the 10K we had agreed upon. She immediately began packing her things along with furniture and such I had agreed to give her which consisted of most everything of value in the home. Frankly I could care less about the material things. She rented a U-haul and paid some guys to fill it. She rented a trailer behind the U-haul to tow her pickup truck I had given her as part of the divorce agreement. It was a sad sight to behold. She had the pickup truck completely full of things as well as the U-haul. Windmills from the yard in the bed of the pickup, etc. She's always been very much a hoarder and it was obvious from what she chose to take with her. She drove all this junk to the airport where she met this guy (10 years younger than her) and he was to drive her and her things to East Liverpool, OH where they had already rented a 2 bedroom home together.
At this point in the story she's now in OH with her lover. Yes, she told me via text message she was having sex with this guy. After a week she called me bawling and stating she had made a huge mistake and begging to come home. She'd do anything, etc. Being the sucker I am, I accepted the apology and allowed her to come home. She left nearly everything in OH and only brought back what she could fit into her pickup truck. She advised me this man was abusive to her. Later I discovered a police report for the home they shared in OH. It clearly indicated the man packed his shit up and left feeling as though my wife suffered from PTSD and is crazy. The man was and is married. I also discovered this man has frequently cheated on his wife. I know this because I've talked with his wife. I've tried talking to the man but he's a pussy and refuses to speak with me.
So my wife comes back home. She tells me she nearly shot herself by driving into the woods with her gun before she had called me as she was suicidal. I immediately make her a psychiatrist appointment and take her there. She wanted me with her so I was there as she detailed to the doctor that she was in fact suicidal (at times). He prescribed her medication and counseling. She also advised she was physically and sexually abused by her father from the ages of about 9 to 14. Something I was aware of but not to that extent. Her father has long since passed.
A few weeks go by and I'm buying her everything she desires, making medical appointments and taking her to medical appointments for her general health, mental health, dental health, etc. I'm now living upstairs with her trying to make things better. She begins to talk to yet another man on the phone for hours a day. I told her I wasn't comfortable with this since she had just cheated on me. She told me she was doing nothing wrong as he was simply a friend and she would continue to talk to this man. At that point I was finally fed up with her. I told her to get the fuck out and would allow the divorce to proceed. She gets all sorts of pissed off at me and we argue.
I'm woken up the next morning by the police knocking at my bedroom door and waking me up and advising me my wife is stating I've threatened and assaulted her. I give the police background on the situation. The police find absolutely no evidence of assault or threats, write their report detailing such and depart. She then calls them several more times resulting in the same outcome. That happened early into a weekend. The rest of the weekend goes by and I stay at the home but keep my mouth shut. Monday comes around and she files an order of protection against me full of horrible lies. I'm kicked out of my home, can't have contact whatsoever with my wife or daughter.
I quickly depart my home after gathering a few needed possessions, take 2 weeks vacation from work and leave town to stay with family. I was concerned she would accuse me of yet more and I wouldn't have an alibi or witnesses to prove my innocence. While out of town I retain an attorney. I supply the attorney with background info and the police report. My attorney advises me that the report is "extremely favorable" to me. Bottom line the facts and police report support me and show her to be a liar. My attorney reschedules the OP hearing so she has time to subpoena the police for the hearing which is scheduled for the end of the month. Nearly a month has passed and I've had no contact with my home, my wife, or my daughter as directed by the court. I've complied with everything 100% despite all of it being bullshit.
Fast forward to present day. The OP hearing is likely to result in the OP being quashed due to the police testimony which will clearly indicate I did not touch her in any way or threaten her in any way. That's all well and good, however how do I go back to my home with her still there? She'll likely pull the same shit again doing everything in her power to get me in trouble. She'll weaponize the police and the courts against me as she's already done. My thought is since it's relatively easy in IL to get an OP that I file one against her after the one against me is quashed. She is in possession of a FOID card (have to have one if you own a firearm in IL). She lied on her application for the card stating she wasn't mentally ill when clearly she is and has been professionally diagnosed as such and previously had planned to commit suicide. She owns a shotgun and a pistol. The police found the shotgun and took it, they never found the pistol and she's still in possession of it. Additionally last month she posted publicly on facebook that she has her FOID card and intends to purchase more weapons. I feel the combination of her weaponizing the police and courts against me, her being suicidal and her in possession of firearm(s) would be more than enough to get an OP against her and have her removed from the home. Currently I'm staying at a hotel. I'd like to move back into my home where I can care for my daughter without threat of being wrongfully accused of shit I didn't do. I'll contact my attorney later in the week to get her advise on my next steps in this regard.
If you read all of this bullshit, congrats! You're more patient than I. Feel free to offer your advise, critism, etc. Bottom line is I have no intention of reconciliation and intend to move forward with the divorce no matter the personal cost I have to endure.
Maybe interview several lawyers? My late brother, an attorney, (but not in my state) advised this for any "special occasion"........it is amazing what you learn in 20+ minutes, and consultations are generally free.
And fergawdssake make NO moves, promises, concessions until you talk to the chosen lawyer, Not Once!
Bearing in mind what you have related I would be inclined to put together all of the evidence and review it a few times. Based on your recent experience there is no reason to think that she will keep any agreement, therefore, forget that one.
A way forward might be to legally close down her options but always leave one open, that is, an out in the situation for her. It is dangerous to close down all of an opponent’s options.
You may not see it or feel it now but she has done you an enormous favour, if only for the simple reason that you do not need someone like her in your life.
Talk to your attorney about applying for her to be removed from the house. Let the police know about the firearms and snapshot the facebook post.
Follow the advice of your attourney.
I am so sorry that after supporting her you are facing all of this.
I would also let her psych know all of this there may be ground to section her against her will.
Best of luck with it all.
Jaysus!!! In this modern world many abusing people are more protected than normal people who just want peace and quiet. Hopefully you'll win this battle. I find disgusting what you're going through but fair play, you're doing well. Don't give up. Stand your ground.
I do not criticize you. You are human and taking her back was your heart not your mind making the choices. I have done similar things myself. You now have a lawyer, stay the course with the divorce and see if the original agreement can still stand. Best of luck to you.
What a situation! It might be good for you to get a restraining order against her so that she cannot do you any bodily harm. She definitely sounds like someone in need of hospitalization due to all the crazy stuff she’s doing. Granted I only have your side of the situation, it still sounds like a terrible situation for your daughter. I wish you the best as you rebuild your life once the divorce is final.
In regards to the money situation. Upon giving her the 10K she opened her own bank account and voluntarily took her name off the joint bank account. Fortunately I don't have to worry about her spending all my money while this BS is ongoing. She said she spent all but a couple hundred of the 10K upon her return from OH. However she did say she was attempting to recover around 5K from her former landlord as she must have paid a bunch of rent up front. She either got some money back and is supporting our daughter that way or is receiving money from her on again, off again mother and step father who live about an hour away in MO.
One if the best examples of the potential destructiveness fostered by the ownership institution we call marriage. My first marriage worked until insanity happened and she tried to kill me, based on what she IMAGINED.
Best adbice I have for any sane, loving people is DO NOT GET MARRIED. DO NOT LIVE TOGETHER OR OWN ANYTHING IN COMMON WITH ANYONE.
Anything people can do under one com.on roof, can be done in more than one individually owned/rented one. Marriage is founded on mistrust and arguable joint titles to people and things. It is adversarial from the begining; that's why promises, tokens and witnesses are required.
A trusting, respectful bond needs NONE of that.
I'm sorry you're in this situation. It seems there's no such thing as an amicable divorce unless both parties have their own money. Something very much like your story happened to my friend (and another friend before that). Guess what, in both cases the person wanting the divorce was financially dependent on their spouse. Were I you, I would do everything in my power to protect myself, which it sounds like you are doing.
From the experience of my two friends, i fully expect that you will get fucked over financially. The deal she signed thinking she was going to have someone else supporting her will no longer be good enough. I would also imagine that she is lying to your daughter about you constantly. Hopefully she is old enough to see through the lies.
The good news is it will eventually all be worth it because you'll be out of the horrible situation you're in. I wish you good luck in resolving it. It's going to get worse before it gets better.
Be sure your daughter is protected.
A human that low life would probably have no problem allowing people to rape your daughter.
I am sorry you allowed her back in.
The supposed "new" guy is probably the same guy as they try to steal your life from you.
My wife had, some time ago, posted publicly on facebook a bunch of nonsense about how if anything happens to her, I did it to her along with various other untrue nonsense. She has since deleted it as it came across very much as an insane person. The scary thing is she's guilty of much of what she accuses me of therefore I'm quite concerned for my safety. I'm somewhat intelligent and tough so I'm not overly concerned but anyone with a gun is capable of anything.
I consider your story a wise and timely reminder for this widowed man to never marry again and to be very careful about committing to a serious relationship without carefully vetting the emotional health of the woman. Even with that, it reinforces my current position on not moving in with or living again with anyone as long as both of us are in good health, have our own adequate money to afford living apart. I cannot imagine living thru this kind of nightmare ending to a relationship, as it would probably emotionally break me and ruin my physical health. I already endured six years of hell with my late wife's dementia before her death. I don't need to live that again anytime soon, so being alone is still better for the time being... I'll keep looking for a partner, but your story makes me glad I'm not desperate enough to jump in too soon with anyone....
I'm guessing you're stronger than I am, so you will probably get thru this ok, but I am sorry you are having to experience this...