If they are Christian, I always go for putting my head down and reciting some Latin ~ usually gets them to walk away at a pretty quick speed. Thank you, ten years of Catholic school.

Did you hear the following joke?

One day two people rang my doorbell and when I answered they gave me a blank pamphlet. I said "This doesn't have anything on it" One of them responded "I know, we're atheists"

I tell them that I worship satan and I ask if I can eat their children. always fun.

I deal with random preaching with the question: do you believe in the power of Satan? They will of course say yes; I then ask them in a very dead pan voice,if they are a virgin? Most become uncomfortable at that point and leave. If they answer yes, I suggest I could use them as a good sacrifice, I don't no what to ask if they say no as that hasn't happened yet. Any suggestions?

I think humor is the best way.

When they ask me if I've found Jesus Christ as my personal savior, I tell them that I'm already seeing a savior. He may not have the abs, but those extra hands give a great massage.

The sad thing about those kinds of people is they are so closed minded that they can't stand to listen to someone else's religious points of view.

Say come on in for whiskey and cigarettes. Not mine a comedian said it first. I listen politely and maybe I will learn something. I remember the first time I had to break it to someone, that didnt like Jewish people, that Jesus was Jewish.

In a case like this I'm likely to use my sexual orientation to frighten them. I'll work a reference to my husband into the conversation. Since I am male there is a 67% probability their head will asplode.

I have a sign at my gate that says "I am an atheist. I do not want to be saved. Move on, Thank you!" Used to have another sign that said "Religious representatives and related propaganda are not welcome." Both work but I like my new sign better.

Say, "Wow. You are SO MUCH like the Pharisees and Sadducees that Jesus criticized so harshly."

Share with them some of the biblical things that Jesus supposedly said that they ignore or don't want to give application to.

i was approached regularly by mormons at the kinko's in nagoya, japan, while i waited for my copies. finally, when two of them (it's always two!) came up to me and asked, with big fake smiles whether i had heard the story of joseph smith, i answered, brightly, "yes! i have! have you heard the one about the rabbi...?" and proceeded to tell them a very long chassidic story. their big smiles virtually cracked. they never bothered me again.

g

I'm not interested in hearing about your invisible friend.

Tell them to fuck off.

I'm old cases I tried talking to them which went no where. Some if listen and maybe nod till they got done with their little spiel.
Now a days I'm a little on the I don't have time for BS and ether leave, as they have done this to me at work. To wich I'll say look my job is to help you with X but it in no way includes you telling me how to live.

I think I am on some sort of banned list, have not had any religious callers in over two years.

Just tell the truth.I get them all the time that knock on the door and lord behold two little old ladies offering to save my soul.So its no offense but am not really interested in what your selling and if they carry on just tell them your Muslim,Them old ladies can sure move when they hear those special little words

The last time someone was preaching at me, I just happened to be next to a pub. I opened the door and walked in. Problem solved.

Too bad we can't all carry pubs with us.

Look for an opening in the conversation, and say the following in the most sincere tone you can manage:
"You know, it's funny you should say that. I keep having this dream where Jesus is sucking my dick/eating my pussy. I have an orgasm and feel this amazing feeling of peace and love!"

Snore....

Goodness. Glad my house is not easily accessible

I just say no thank you have a nice day

I was working on my front porch one day when I was approached by a pair of Jehovah's Witnesses. They asked if they could have a moment of my time, and I said 'sure'. They gave me the standard routine about being saved, etc., then one of them started quoting the Scriptures. When I asked him how he knew that it was really the 'inspired word of God', he said that he had faith that it was, but had no hard evidence. I told them that when they found any evidence, then I would invite them in and let them convert me. I haven't seen them since.....

Speak unsensored truth.

I don't know, tell them that the flying spaghetti monster is looking out for them or something.