Thanks for the information. I'll make sure and not Repeat this mistake

After I got divorced and started dating, I hopped on a dating site. I soon realized that it was a waste of time to send longer messages due to either no response or short messages in return.

meetmyage.com

I don't respond to emojis either. The men I'm likely to respond to are the ones who actually send an engaging note.... tell me what provoked them to write, what they liked about my profile, mention some things we have in common, or why they think we might be a potential match. If they just say "hi there" or "wanna chat" I don't even respond.

All of those sites are the same. If they're not scammers posing as Americans in broken English, they're dead from the neck up. Actually, in my case, being almost 80, the men in my age range are mostly just plain dead.

Actually, men are unsure and afraid of what to say, and so are women. Most people are afraid of making fools of themselves. It is easier to send a "stupid" smile and see where it will lead.

Generally the reason is laziness. Standard 'canned messages' can be sent out to any number of women, without having to ensure they have any relevence - hell, you don't even need to read her profile, just look at the profile picture to see if she's cute.

When I was still in the dating game, many years ago, I labored over trying to make personal connections with women online and it never really worked for me. I would look for areas of commonality, focus on important interests they mentioned in their profile, ask lots of open-ended questions, share analogous details about myself, (attempt to) be witty sometimes, and so on.

What it got me was a whole lot of nothing, aside from many, many wasted hours looking for a connection with someone in my general location who seemed like a good compatibility match. This wasn't the women's fault by any means — they're right to be cautious and skeptical, just as anyone should — but my earnest conversation seemed to be off-putting to the overwhelming majority of women who genuinely sparked my interest. I don't know whether it came across as someone taking too keen an interest and being a likely scammer, or whether it seemed like I was desperate, but I know that the online connection scene is even worse today than it was when I was trying to meet my Ms. Right, and ghosting is rampant (despite people reporting they're more lonely than ever).

So, all this to say that I think for a lot of people, online dating is just a numbers game; spending too long trying to connect with a particular person is, for many, a waste of time, and sending a simple statement of interest, even if it's their go-to opener, is a quick way to break the ice and see whether there's interest from the other side. That was never my way, which is why I abandoned online dating sites long ago (even before the advent of dating/hookup apps). But I was also willing to be single and celibate, which probably isn't the norm for most folks.

I don't think you're wrong to want a potential dating partner to put effort into their initial correspondence with you, and I wish that were the expectation across the board. It just seems that the nature of the internet has trained people away from anything very deep or meaningful, at least initially. I still write long-form messages to people, friends and family and even strangers as the occasion arises, but more and more people tell me (directly or indirectly) that they have no tolerance for that. If I can't get a close friend to say more than six words in a text message, what hope is there for a meaningful exchange with a stranger on a dating site/app?

Silly girl. Next time, remember that 1/2 of the population has an IQ of less than 100. I suspect the percentage with a low EQ is even greater.

The bright side is that you can quickly eliminate them.

Because we are frightened shy creatures who don't really know how to approach a woman romantically.
I say this both as a social scientist and personal experience.
When I was young and beautiful, it was women who approached me so I have never learned how to 'chat up' cold.
Now on the internet I have the broken down version of myself who finds that the inflection of the voice in head does not translate to the typed word. Also what are the social conventions of a dating site? A social sex site is easier and more direct, but I don't want that.
Do I pass a compliment, try a joke or just send a like?

For your consideration ...

"It would be all too easy to simply go through your profile and make vacuous comments such as 'I infer that you like Paul Simon', and 'I wish Trumpy Dumpty would drown in the swamp of his own devising", etc etc, but I would regard that as something of a cop-out, so I am not going to do it.

"I have instead taken the trouble get some sort of understanding of you, the person, by looking at what you have posted. Your care and concern for decent people is manifest, as is your love of plants. I envy your ability to cook. Your level of fitness is self-evident. You also have a broad range of interests. You have a great ability to think, and you are quite unafraid to exercise that ability.

"I am a long distance walker and a gastronome.

"I will be Seattle next week. Would you care for us to meet and have a coffee at a place of your choice?"

(If that gets me even 1 out of 10 I will be delighted. Caveat: the above claims about me are entirely fictitious.)

Sheer laziness would seem to go hand in hand with an impoverished imagination. I am sure that there are sites that cater for hook-ups and equally sure that lack of profile details is an indicator of character. I’m not sure what percentage of men on dating sites are looking for a “serious” relationship but suspect that it may be low. However, it may be better to seek a friendship which may become a friendship with benefits and flourish into a good relationship.

Thought you said you were quitting that sight?

These are men who do not want a potential relationship, just hoping for a hook-up so, they are to lazy to be creative.

And this is part of the reason why I am no longer on any dating sites.

I have no idea why such men are such jerks, sorry.

The shotgun approach………