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Most men send canned messages on online dating sites. Why?

Silver Singles was the worse. Instead of writing a message, men sent me a stupid "smile" symbol. That's supposed to stimulate my interest?

Today I replied to another canned message on Fitness Singles:

You men are like robots sending the same prerecorded message. I received the same lame message you sent me from a pull-down screen over 355 times:

“I’m interested in learning more about you. Let’s chat.”

No sign of personality, intelligence, kindness or humor. What a letdown.

LiterateHiker 9 Jan 1
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17 comments

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1

Thanks for the information. I'll make sure and not Repeat this mistake 🙂

1

After I got divorced and started dating, I hopped on a dating site. I soon realized that it was a waste of time to send longer messages due to either no response or short messages in return.


meetmyage.com

1

I don't respond to emojis either. The men I'm likely to respond to are the ones who actually send an engaging note.... tell me what provoked them to write, what they liked about my profile, mention some things we have in common, or why they think we might be a potential match. If they just say "hi there" or "wanna chat" I don't even respond.

6

All of those sites are the same. If they're not scammers posing as Americans in broken English, they're dead from the neck up. Actually, in my case, being almost 80, the men in my age range are mostly just plain dead.

Sounds reasonable. Reminds me of Vern. He was one of my dad's old childhood friends. When he would come to Bismarck to visit my dad he would always use my computer (this was before I had internet at my house so I just kept a work station at my parent's home) to log into his POF (Plenty Of Fish) account to find a date for the night. He talked about how he could always find a date because there were so many widowed women looking for a man. He talked about rich old widows that would take him (on their dime) to the Casinos to eat and gamble.

Also reminds me of Mary Jo, an old substitute teacher that would occasionally work at my school. On a few occasions she invited me to join her for these social dances where older people got together. When I asked her about demographics at these events she noted there were usually a few dozen women and one or two guys. Mary Jo was/is a theist so I never went to those dances.

For a follow up: My father died over a year ago and Vern (the last of what were his friends that are still alive) still occasionally calls my mother to reminisce about my father. Vern for the last four+ years has been living in a high service retirement home in Alaska.

I can imagine he may copy and pasts messages to women on social dating sites but I don't think he can physically make it out of his room.

As for why (idiot) men would copy and past: Reminds me of a guy Terry ( an old co-worker) told me about. How one of his friends who lived on a trailer house floated on a platform on the Missouri river would go around town and introduce himself with "Hey, I have a houseboat, Wanna Fuck." According to Terry, he was slapped in the face about twice a day but he also got laid every night. I am guessing for some less then enlightened women, those tired old lines may work.

@NoMagicCookie i was out one day with my brother ( who used to break horses) and his girlfriend when a guy like terry tried that on a girl near us. My brother told him he was going to hit him for that and then hit him 3 times, he was unconscious on the first hit and collected 2 more on the way down. Terry's method may have a high return factor but it's also very high risk.

@Cyklone Good story. That would be Terry's friend who was a (insert name). Terry had a wife who dumped him, then he transitioned to 2 cats. Then he got married again and his wife made him get rid of his two cats. That marriage lasted 2 years so no more cats.

3

Actually, men are unsure and afraid of what to say, and so are women. Most people are afraid of making fools of themselves. It is easier to send a "stupid" smile and see where it will lead.

1

Generally the reason is laziness. Standard 'canned messages' can be sent out to any number of women, without having to ensure they have any relevence - hell, you don't even need to read her profile, just look at the profile picture to see if she's cute.

Until you open the profile and find another photo showing what she looks like NOW. I go through that with the men all the time. Their main profile picture is from their glory days.

2

When I was still in the dating game, many years ago, I labored over trying to make personal connections with women online and it never really worked for me. I would look for areas of commonality, focus on important interests they mentioned in their profile, ask lots of open-ended questions, share analogous details about myself, (attempt to) be witty sometimes, and so on.

What it got me was a whole lot of nothing, aside from many, many wasted hours looking for a connection with someone in my general location who seemed like a good compatibility match. This wasn't the women's fault by any means — they're right to be cautious and skeptical, just as anyone should — but my earnest conversation seemed to be off-putting to the overwhelming majority of women who genuinely sparked my interest. I don't know whether it came across as someone taking too keen an interest and being a likely scammer, or whether it seemed like I was desperate, but I know that the online connection scene is even worse today than it was when I was trying to meet my Ms. Right, and ghosting is rampant (despite people reporting they're more lonely than ever).

So, all this to say that I think for a lot of people, online dating is just a numbers game; spending too long trying to connect with a particular person is, for many, a waste of time, and sending a simple statement of interest, even if it's their go-to opener, is a quick way to break the ice and see whether there's interest from the other side. That was never my way, which is why I abandoned online dating sites long ago (even before the advent of dating/hookup apps). But I was also willing to be single and celibate, which probably isn't the norm for most folks.

I don't think you're wrong to want a potential dating partner to put effort into their initial correspondence with you, and I wish that were the expectation across the board. It just seems that the nature of the internet has trained people away from anything very deep or meaningful, at least initially. I still write long-form messages to people, friends and family and even strangers as the occasion arises, but more and more people tell me (directly or indirectly) that they have no tolerance for that. If I can't get a close friend to say more than six words in a text message, what hope is there for a meaningful exchange with a stranger on a dating site/app?

1

I blame the pandemic for a lot of this when everyone was inside and afraid, worked from home and read stupid nonsense about pics and dating. Who got caught sending a wrong pic or who wants to just tease, etc. A lot of this is still going on. I'm on dating sites today with a few dumb answers. That is, if they answer at all. A few insecure idiots even want to get you chatting back and forth with them and I have no time for that. Example: What are you doing now? The same damned thing I was doing 5 minutes ago. Please stop!

As for learning more about me, I do not put all my likes and dislikes along with my info on a screen to someone with a user name. It'd just not a wise thing to do. They might be mining for info so they can become you, or sell your info so someone else can become you. Some take a while to slowly sucker you into this. Don't allow it to happen.

4

Silly girl. Next time, remember that 1/2 of the population has an IQ of less than 100. I suspect the percentage with a low EQ is even greater.

The bright side is that you can quickly eliminate them.

@Mitch07102

Thank you. I did not realize that half the populaiton has an IQ of less than 100.

I attributed it to laziness.

@LiterateHiker Mitch is correct, but it gets worse. IQ conforms to the standard distibution curve and if you are more than 2sds above the mean which you almost certainly are given the education level you've achieved then only 12% of people will be of equivalent IQ to you, half of those men. The good news is that IQ only predicts academic success so if you're willing to accept someone who is not as quick as you then you may find a nice bloke, otherwise you're fishing in a very small pool.

@Cyklone

Good point. My IQ was tested after my brother tried to commit suicide. My IQ is 147 (top 3%.)

Took two more tests and my IQ is still 147. The last test was at age 64.

That's why I date men like doctors and Ph.D. psychologists. Love intelligent people. Of course they need to be funny and kind.

@LiterateHiker I ONLY seek out interesting, Intelligent females.
Academic intelligence doesn’t always mean that they are smart though.

@LiterateHiker Ditto. I am not at your level, but close enough to understand the dynamics of a small pool.

2

Because we are frightened shy creatures who don't really know how to approach a woman romantically.
I say this both as a social scientist and personal experience.
When I was young and beautiful, it was women who approached me so I have never learned how to 'chat up' cold.
Now on the internet I have the broken down version of myself who finds that the inflection of the voice in head does not translate to the typed word. Also what are the social conventions of a dating site? A social sex site is easier and more direct, but I don't want that.
Do I pass a compliment, try a joke or just send a like?

You are dead right about men being afraid, but a lot of women are too. Women expect men to be the hunters though.

4

For your consideration ...

"It would be all too easy to simply go through your profile and make vacuous comments such as 'I infer that you like Paul Simon', and 'I wish Trumpy Dumpty would drown in the swamp of his own devising", etc etc, but I would regard that as something of a cop-out, so I am not going to do it.

"I have instead taken the trouble get some sort of understanding of you, the person, by looking at what you have posted. Your care and concern for decent people is manifest, as is your love of plants. I envy your ability to cook. Your level of fitness is self-evident. You also have a broad range of interests. You have a great ability to think, and you are quite unafraid to exercise that ability.

"I am a long distance walker and a gastronome.

"I will be Seattle next week. Would you care for us to meet and have a coffee at a place of your choice?"

(If that gets me even 1 out of 10 I will be delighted. Caveat: the above claims about me are entirely fictitious.)

4

Sheer laziness would seem to go hand in hand with an impoverished imagination. I am sure that there are sites that cater for hook-ups and equally sure that lack of profile details is an indicator of character. I’m not sure what percentage of men on dating sites are looking for a “serious” relationship but suspect that it may be low. However, it may be better to seek a friendship which may become a friendship with benefits and flourish into a good relationship.

@ASTRALMAX

You hit the nail on the head. I attribute it to laziness.

Yesterday I blocked a jackass who says he used to be a school psychologist. But he can't spell nor write clearly. I felt tired of receiving his inane messages:

I won't say

Jus sayin

Ha I typed it

ttyl

It is a fairly common condition which is not yet listed in Index Medicus. The Latin name for it is Ferro-Plumbum, a condition wherein the iron in the blood turns to lead in the ass.

2

Thought you said you were quitting that sight?

@phoenixone1

I plan to quit online dating in February. My Fitness Singles membership would be automatically renewed in March 2023. It's like fishing. Keep your baited hook in the water.

Recently a scammer tried charging a $150 Amazon purchase on my debit card. My credit union denied the charge and contacted me. They canceled my debit card and issued a new one with different numbers.

Fitness Singles doesn't have my new card. Ha ha!

@LiterateHiker I guess we will have a few more "crash and burn" stories to look forward to this year then. Meanwhile, try to stay warm and dry with that insane weather you're having. My oldest son is moving to SEATAC area in the spring or summer it's looking like(Government contract transfers are painfully slow it appears)...hopefully things will have dried out by then. Happy New Year.

4

These are men who do not want a potential relationship, just hoping for a hook-up so, they are to lazy to be creative.

Betty Level 8 Jan 1, 2023
6

And this is part of the reason why I am no longer on any dating sites.

That figures.

3

I have no idea why such men are such jerks, sorry.

5

The shotgun approach………

@Dhiltong

What is the shotgun approach?

@LiterateHiker Firing off a bunch messages and see if any hit the mark.

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