I've noticed that most of my classmates are parents, but I never got there. Having two marriages fail on me, I suppose that's a good thing, but my current marriage also features childlessness. The stork is not delivering to our house anytime soon, and adoption/fostering is less likely.
I'm concerned that I might be seen as "bad" to people. Perception does bring about reality, sometimes. The truth is, it just hasn't happened, for any number of reasons. I think of our cats as our children, but of course, they have different needs from humans.
So, does my lack of having a Mini-Me put me at any kind of disadvantage?
Not having children doesn't make you, me, or anyone else, a "bad" person.
Whatever anyone's reasons are, is no one else's business.
If you're going to worry about what other people think, you are in for a whole lot of
aggravation. And if you go ahead and have kids, just so you won't be looked upon in
any kind of negative light, you're doing it for all the wrong reasons.
There isn't anything "wrong" with choosing not to have children.
No, it does not. People who are thoughtful and considerate tend to avoid having children these days. I've asked many very intelligent people if they were going to have children, and a few replied with "Would you want to bring a child into 'this' world"? I can see their point. Consider that there are over eight billion people in the world. You will never live to be eight billion seconds old. Consider that it is only within the last century that we developed weapons so powerful, we can destroy all of humanity in twenty minutes. Consider the imbeciles that have their finger on those weapons. It's damn depressing. Have you ever watched the movie, Idiocracy? If you don't think we are on the way, just look towards the white house.
The reality , does not live up to the hype . Whether it's by choice or by chance , it's not all it's cracked up to be . Be who you want to be , you'll be happier that way , as will your spouse . And , if you have children you didn't want to be , they won't be happy either . Remember , it's about a 20 year commitment .
I purposefully chose not to have children for a number of reasons. The first of which is that I don't want to have a traumatic emotional effect on the formation of another human being. Secondly, is environmental: it would be highly irresponsible for someone to bring life into a dirty, overpopulated, perverse, violent, expensive world without considering these factors. Thirdly, my parents (who abandoned me during my chemo for cancer that runs in our family) have begged me to procreate based on the fact that I'm the last of our bloodline and not doing so is a huge F YOU to my family who feel they deserve grandchildren. I'm all set.
When my wife and I married neither of us wanted kids. We were married for about 15 yrs and for the whole time people gave us grief about not having them. It was a real pain in the ass. People were constantly getting in our business about this and moralizing about how we "should" have kids. We did (after 15+ yrs) have an unplanned pregnancy and decided to go with it, but not for the reasons people had pushed at us. I can tell you that having a kid is very hard and you give up a lot; ethically I see it as something that can be good or bad. As others have mentioned, there are many reasons to not have kids, and I'm not sure I made the "right" decision (because I don't think there is a "right" one... each person's situation is unique). Of course I love my kid, but don't ever let someone tell you that not having one is immoral!
Dude PUHLEAZZZZ! Stop worrying about what other people think and live your lives. If you and your wife are passionate together about having children, maybe there is a medical obstacle that needs to be overcome, but don't do it out of guilt for crying out loud. Be happy, live for you!
All it should mean is that it might be harder for you to relate to people when they are talking about their kids and we all know people who do that endlessly. Just like if I was talking to someone who was adopted and I'm not - it's harder for me to understand what that is like. Of course it doesn't mean you and your wife are bad people or selfish - it just didn't happen for whatever reasons. People love to label and categorize each other, it's how we make sense of the world. Unfortunately it can lead to not so nice judgements and behavior.
I ly do not believe that being childless makes anyone bad. There are plenty of good people who are childless. Example: had a friend in Atlanta who got a vasectomy because he didn't want the possibility of putting a child through the hell of dealing with his bpd.
There are also plenty of bad people with children. Just visit any school. You can point those poor kids out within 3 minutes of observation.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with not having kids, but you can't make people with children see that a lot of the time. I think a lot of them wind up having kids to give them purpose instead of realizing beforehand that spawning to give your life meaning is kind of selfish. And then they get mixed feelings about it that they can't voice because you don't want your kids to know that you aren't sure you really wanted to be a parent.
Point being, a lot of people automatically assume you hate kids/are an evil person/have no purpose in life/ are afraid of commitment/are immature yourself/are damaged because you don't have kids. Or at least they think these things about me. And they're right about being damaged in my case, though I did not have a terribly strong inclination to have kids before the abuse that solidified my need to be childfree.
I hate that they assume I don't like kids. I'm pretty cool with kids. I like some kids better than adults. I worked at Toys R Us for 2 years and loved the idea that I made kids happy for a living. I just don't want any.