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Relationships
What are your views on remaining in contact with ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends while you are in another relationship?
Do you believe occasional communication is okay? Do you think it best to totally cut the communication?

Unity 8 Jan 23
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19 comments

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4

Since my last ex was 100% not what he presented himself as, I treat him like the total stranger he actually was...if the alimony check doesn't show up (after 10+ years he still insists on manually snail-mailing it) I email him. Period.
The first ex is dead and the incessant nightmares (that he would show up and kill me & my entire family) stopped that day.
I love reading about people with Normal problems BTW.

5

Depends on the situation with an ex. I don't talk to my ex husband only at family gatherings where I have to. I still talk to my ex boyfriend, he was more of a father to my children than their actual father, my ex husband.

3

Depends on how things were at the end of the relatonship, friendly vs. bitter and resentful. I am still friends with a woman I met from Match and dated for six months, nothing serious, but we are clear with each other on where things stand, and were also, at the time we broke up. She is occasionally dating another guy she met on Match, after me, and I just recently met someone I am really attracted to and compatible with, so we are both good with continuing to be friends with occasional contact thru messaging. No issues or jealousy, even before I finally met someone else after her to date steadily.

5

I think it depends entirely on the personalities and dynamics involved, and possibly on who ended the relationship. I also think it's most often successful with people who have children together because there's a higher reason to work things out than simply maintaining a friendship.

My first partner was bisexual and his next relationship was with a man, and I think that may have made it easier for my husband to deal with. There were times, however, that he was uncomfortable with the degree of familiarity I had with my former partner, so I would try to avoid that level of intimacy when we were all together. Unfortunately, they all died but had they not, they were people I could see myself being friends with for the rest of my life so I think we could have made it work. With my other relationships, it seems to most often be their girlfriends who have a problem with it, not me. Then again, I wasn't as emotionally invested in them so that probably made it easier for me.

9

I have remained friends with most everyone I have had a relationship with. If I met them on the street or in a store, we could have a civil conversation. A few are in contact, my last wife and I are friends with no sex (her choice).

7

When I’m done, I’m done. But my son was over 30 when I divorced, so there was no reason to stay connected. Actually, the reason I divorced him was that he never really was connected, so it was in my best interest to be completely disconnected. People still sometimes ask me how he is. I say, “how would I know? His life is none of my business”.

6

It has happened a couple of times, but it didn't last. With one, her new boyfriend couldn't believe she was ever with me, being a longhaired ( yes, l had hair at one time ) musician. He was a VP for Pepsi. He also didn't like our being friends. I made her laugh when the three of us were together, which was only 3 times, maybe. I'm not sure he ever made anyone laugh. Eventually, she told my brother to tell me to stay out of her life, so l did. With the other one, l'm not really sure what happened. I'm sure it can work and have seen it at least once.

7

Cut communication with ex-intimate partners when you move on to another relationship. That is my opinion.

My ex-bf moved on, but when that didn't work out, he wanted to get back together with me. Nope. Once a lover has moved on, there is no going back, in my opinion. At least not with me.

I'm sure each relationship is different.

I am not in contact with any of my ex-intimate partners, except for this last LTR ex-bf who simply will not leave me alone. Emailed me today in fact trying to make me feel guilty for going out on Saturday night by myself, since he could see online that I was present at an intimate concert.

It would be healthier if he would just stop trying to contact me and let me live my life in peace. It's a small community, so we try to avoid each other. I am NOT looking for a relationship and he is. I would not be jealous at all if he would move on again to another victim of his covert narcissism, but I would feel bad for her.

While he and I were together, he never stopped being in constant contact with ALL his other girlfriends exes or otherwise, and it really affected our relationship negatively. I'll leave it at that.

It's my opinion that once an intimate relationship is over, cut contact, social media and try to avoid each other.

Only once did I err in re-opening the door. But love makes ya stupid AND blind. 😏 Live and learn.

8

Hard to say as it depends on the people involved. I'm not in contact with any of my exes and that's just fine with me.
I once went out with a guy who told me he was still friends with his ex and it was a fairly recent split. I was fine with that, for a minute. On our third (and final) date, he was texting with her from the time he got in my car until we got to the restaurant. I found that incredibly rude, dismissive and arrogant, but it also wasn't the only reason that was our last date. Lol, I don't even remember his name so obviously we did not remain friends.

dkp93 Level 8 Jan 23, 2023
7

When in a committed relationship you become a team. Which means decisions are made together. No one answer will fit all relationships. A conversation with the significant other should resolve the issue.

Betty Level 8 Jan 23, 2023
8

Short answer: it depends.

Long answer: see what everybody else has already written below.

9

I stayed friends with several ex-boyfriends. Sadly, the 2 longest relations ended poorly, one was my never wanting any contact ever again and the other can't seem to get beyond me asking him to make the choice between me and the booze.
I never fooled around while i was involved with someone and I would prefer to stay friends, sometimes ya just can't.

I took you advice and signed on again. Now, it seems all 5+ years of work has to be started over. It seems this problem can be resolved by admin.

8

Clean break, never look back. Of course, I had no children with any exes, so that makes it pretty simple.

Zster Level 8 Jan 23, 2023
9

I burn bridges and spread the ashes. It has seved me well.

11

One of my larger expenses is for explosives to blow up the bridges other people would either just burn or not take.

8

Depends 100% why you broke up, yes?
i found out i had NO IDEA who my husband of 32 years actually was.
i have nothing to say to him except, occasionally, '"The alimony check is late".

6

If you value the new relationship, minimize or end communication with the Ex.

8

Depends maybe on what motivates those continued connections. If they are people you have healthy sincere friendships with, seems like a healthy relationship should not only tolerate, but encourage that. I would not want to be the gatekeeper to my significant other’s social life.

skado Level 9 Jan 23, 2023
12

My ex-husband Terry is a good friend. We co-parent beautifully and talk about our daughter often.

Today Terry invited me over to see how he re-painted his kitchen. Wow! It is uplifting and beautiful. Terry is an artist.

I don't believe in burning bridges. I stay friends with strong boundaries with men I like. No sex talk or sex.

Emotional affairs destroy relationships and trust.

Dan and I continued hiking together after we stopped being lovers. After three years he moved to Utah. I miss him. Dan was my favorite hiking partner.

Gregg paid for a new flute and collapsible music stand for Coby, the girl I'm mentoring. He is a wealthy psychologist. On Christmas day we were both alone. We talked and texted. I told him about Coby and asked him to help her.

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