When you can finally forgive those that abused you, you will find a new freedom. Just remember forgiveness is not forgetting or holding accountable, it is no longer holding past actions as a barrier to future relationships.

Apology accepted. Welcome to the real world.

Have a great transition.

One day at a time and it will get easier. You don't need to apologize, indoctrination is not a fault of children but of the adults who should know better. You are doing great and you will get support from us here and from the friends you now make. Proud of you.

Don't beat yourself up too much; you had a lot of company. The scam is insidious and cruelty is the point. Resolve to improve every day, regardless of whether you achieve it. Resolve to ennoble others, know yourself, and be moderate. Pick your rabbit holes carefully.

Please go easy on yourself. Please also give yourself credit for seeing past the lies that were rammed down your throat.

Teach yourself about indoctrination techniques eg the use of repetitive messaging and ritual (like prayer) to reinforce the doctrine (there is a god). Understand doctrine is for a group, affecting that group only. Much doctrine is accepted by individuals because individuals want to belong to said group to start with but over time, the doctrine becomes totally accepted, something not to be questioned.
If you educate yourself about doctrine and the indoctrination process, you will recognise when it is applied to you uninvited in the future. That way, you are prepared and far better able to resist when it occurs again.

Repetitive messaging works, ask any advertiser. We are about the same age so can you remember back in the 80's 90's when footage of death and destruction used to horrify people? However, the repetition of violence over the last few decades has now removed the shock factor people used to feel. Violence is now normalised and shocks no more. The power of repetition in message.