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Celibacy: How is it working for you?

Kreig 7 Dec 8

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24 comments

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13

i am not practicing Celibacy, i consider it being patient 🙂

Wish I could look at it that way.

you have to! some people just aren't good in your life

Read my comment on this post and you'll see where I'm coming from.

10

1 year and 7 months since I left the abusive relationship. I like being single. I don't have to babysit or play mommy by buying his necessities and video games. Some days I get lonely. I feel I'm better off alone. Since my dad ruined love for me at age 8, (molested me) I can't find a man that doesn't want me for just my body or my money. I gave up on ever finding love. Which is fine. Since I've been raped multiple times, I find sex not to be fun, but rather a chore. I've never gotten off from sex, so I quit doing it. 2 customers hit on me at work Thursday. A lot of people hit on me at work. I realize it hours later after work. I quit flirting with men. I'm now seeking out a girlfriend. Maybe I'll have better luck?

I don't even know what to say to that. Have you sought counseling? It might be a good idea to help break the chain of abusive men coming through your life.

Some days I hope that there is indeed a hell so that some people can languish in its fires for eternity like they deserve.

Damn. That's harsh. Good for you for leaving; my heart goes out to you.

I've been in counseling since I was 6. Thank you guys. All men see is my face and thin body. They don't get to know me or don't care to. Once they find out that I live in a community center for mentally ill people, they back off. I get so embarrassed to say where I live. I was hesitant to tell my work where I live. I end up being made fun of for it. No one comes to visit me. I like my alone time, but I also like to talk to people in Messenger. Which is now always dry. My favorite boss, whom talked to me every night, is still in Panama on vacation until the 17th. No one else of my other 2 friends, talk to me on Messenger. Everyone is too busy in life. Which is why I joined here. Plus, my GM hits on me. She's cool. I like her back. Since she's my boss, dating is frowned upon. She's the only women I've been attracted to, and it won't even work out. 😟 Plus, my 65 "friends" on FB ignore me too. This is why I have depression. My aunt is dying of cancer, and the only one in CO, or any of my family that talks to me. Once she dies, I'll be alone here in this place for a long time. It sucks. I only see her once a week or once every 2 weeks for 1 hr. She will be gone for Christmas, so I'm stuck in my room on Christmas. My family left me when they found out that I'm an atheist. I envy people with family. My mom died when I was 18. I became a woman without a mom. I'm doing good so far. I had to grow up at a young age.

Hi Sarah, that indeed is a sad story and I'm sorry that your experiences with sex/love have been so screwed up. My advice would be to take your time getting to know him/her next time, without sex. Its the only way to see how people are going to treat you when times aren't so fresh and exciting. You are under no obligation to have sex with anyone ever, and anyone worthy of your time and attention will be willing to wait as long as it takes for you to feel comfortable. In the meantime, you should experiment alone to find what will flip you from the ho hum sex is a chore mindset to the ooh lala sex is fun mindset. Best of luck to you!

Thanks. I did wait with one of my exes. I have only dated two men in my life. One was a drug dealer/drinker and very abusive physically and verbally. (I started dating at age 22. I was an ugly child) The last one lied, when we broke up after all the rapes, I found out he was a registered sex offender. His whole family lied to me. Those are the only exes I've had. They only wanted sex in the beginning. The honeymoon stage of a relationship. Then I ended up buying their soap, shampoo, games, food, etc... Then they stopped wanting sex. Which I was happy about. Because it sucked. After the last guy, I lost all the 50lbs and now all men stare at me. It's creepy.

I hide my depression really good in the daytime. I tell jokes at work a lot and am hyper. (ADHD) At night my depression comes out. In the morning I'm all happy again.

I'm sending you hugs too. I think watergirl 64 has some good ideas but sometimes when someone has gone thru as much shit as you have maybe just stay away from sex with anyone for awile? When you don't have a positive self-image it's very easy to get into a bad pattern with relationships regardless what your partners genitalia are. YOU get to figure out when you are healthy and happy enough for physical intimacy. Are you happy with your therapist? Have you tried any 12-step groups? Please take care of yourself.

I'm not on drugs and don't drink alcohol.

12-step groups aren't just for chemical addictions. They can be for behavioral issues too. I go to Emotions Anonymous because of my emotional problems. There are other similar groups and there are ways to deal with all their 'god stuff'.

10

Eight years or so. It is what it is. I haven't killed anyone yet, so I guess it's going well.

Hilarious!

Well, Hominid alluded to it above, and AC/DC did a song about it... LOL

@Kreig -- "How do you know everything still works?!"

That's simple, Kreig, you just take matters into your own hands -- and voila....

Jeez, Kreig--A Whole Lotta Rosie! 🙂

10

It's not voluntary lol.

Ditto!

9

I've been celibate for a very long time. I may be somewhere adjacent to demisexual (though I still have some initial attraction, but not enough to want to engage in physical intimacy). It's "working" fine, I guess. It wouldn't surprise me if I never had sex again, considering I make zero effort, and I'm fine with that.

@GeekLeen, I don't especially like the label, but it's probably the closest descriptor, still rather inadequate.

@GeekLeen: This actually came up recently with a friend of mine, and I tried to explain that I'm not truly asexual, but maybe gray-asexual or demisexual. I'm hetero-romantic, but I don't have a strong desire to have sex with anyone, even though I do have a sex drive and I find women attractive. If I were in a relationship, I think I'd have greater interest, but when flying solo I can't really imagine having sex.

8

It's was 5 years in September, but who's counting? Thankfully I'm pretty good at entertaining myself, but sometimes I miss being held...A LOT. That's when I usually piss off the dog.

Entertaining yourself? lmao

Luckily my cats like to snuggle. I could make a joke here but tRump has ruined it for me.

7

Celibacy? Celibacy sucks. I'll be damned if I'm going to lay on my death bed regretting not having enjoyed one of the best things in life as often as possible.

Hell... I'll pay for it before I go without for too long. You always pay for it in the long run anyway. I can only have a deep and meaningful relationship with Rosey Palm for so long.

7

Celibacy? What is that?

5

Weird, no one's brought up the "M" word...

Lol... It makes many happy that celibacy & abstinence from all forms of sex are not the same thing.

Pssst Kreig I think he means masterbait

4

Lol... my buddy....lol. Well, I've never practiced this. If your responsible about sex then have fun.

3

I do not now or have ever any intention of becoming a practising celibate. I don't attach the act to anything other than fulfilling a need to release tension and create pleasure. I don't need a physical connection with partners, but if I can't get my mind stimulated first, there is no second base.

3

First off thank you to everyone who responded. I feel like I'm the only one who made this choice sometimes.

About seven years ago my marriage ended and I found myself to be a person with two children I couldn't see and a failed marriage. I've never been good at any typed of human interaction much less dating, so I decided to just stop.

Like I said that was seven years ago and today I am more awkward and creepy than ever. I said in a previous thread that I've lolost confidence and I've become something less than a beta. I no longer like or respect myself. So I've recently decided to quit quitting. This site is part of that. I'm reaching out and putting myself out there. Not for sex per se but for interaction. I figure with enough interaction that sort of relationship will come.

3

Shoot, just spent a half hour responding to this post then clicked submit and went to the log in page-drats, its gone! I am not rewriting all that. That's all i have to say about that, lol.

2

I definitely do NOT want a prize but I think I may have everyone on this thread beat. It's been at least over 10 years of not my choice celibacy. Could be significantly longer but it's been so long I'm not completely sure. Probably why I've written more than my fair share of sexual posts and comments on this site. It's gotten to the point where my desperation has gotten desperate. I'm sure I don't give off the best vibe to women either. Beginning to think Steve Carell was playing a version of me in 'The 40 Year Old Virgin'. When my new first time comes (pun intended) again I just hope it's not too much of a disaster. I would like to get it over with though.

2

Well, it is what it is. I hate it. BUT... I'm celibate by choice... not MY choice... but hey.

2

Even when I was married I frequently managed my own needs.

2

Works great, almost runs perfectly but the phallus needs a bit of work. Great deal, only one soul O.B.O.

1

Going through the change so idgaf. I got a scream laugh out of the term "no-mo sexual" used on here the other day.
It's sort of nice to be free of the strangulating hormones that have plagued me more than 1/2 my life. It's going to take a helluva person to change this trajectory.
Having been hit on(I think?!) a couple of times during and after dh's illness was unsettling to say the least.
I'm wondering to myself "Are you talking to someone behind me?" "Are you lost?".
These incidents happened at the worst times possible and clearly were not thought out which made me think some have an odd fascination with widows and I don't understand that at all.

1

Absolutely fine for me. I ID as ace (aexual) so I don't WANT a sexual relationship. CAKE, yes! Sex, no! Lol.....

1

Well..okay..but kinda depressing...and it's not by choice

1

does celibacy include masturbation?

I'm not celibate, I just have big breaks in between fucks like 2 years.

1

Well, I can't say I've ever done it on purpose, but a quarter century ago I was newly divorced and grieving the death of someone very close to me, and I didn't date for maybe 2 years. It was a difficult time for me. It was by choice, but I wouldn't want to do it again.

0

I hate it. Sometimes I feel like a virgin. 😟

0

It got Fired within a week of showing up. Removed from the vocabulary. Taboo. I do take sabbaticals but never in pursuit of a celibate condition.

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