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When did you start to identify as an atheist/agnostic?

Was there a specific instance where you started to identify as an atheist/agnostic, or was it a gradual process?

AshleyM1997 4 Oct 4
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Well it just didnt seem real to me. I decided to do some research and get other points of view. what i was hearing made a lot of sense, so i still try to get more information . I try to use reason , logic and what seems to be the truth. whatever is true is what i think is real

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Began to see through the BS in 2nd grade, but I remember it still upset me that god was watching me go to the bathroom in 5th grade (They said he was always watching us, right?) By 8th grade I was pretty sure no one was there & within a year or 2 identified as atheist.

Carin Level 8 Aug 14, 2018
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If you mean by publicly identifying as such, it was after my wife ran off with one of our friends. I didn't think there was any remaining benefit to putting up with the flawed arguments, or of "going along to get along".

If you mean by internally recognizing that I didn't believe and was no longer trying to deceive myself into believing, it was a few years earlier. I had been trying to build some logical support for my continued belief to strengthen it, and each attempt led me closer to concluding that it was unsupportable at all.

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Hello. I guess ever since I was a little kid I never really believed in God, per se. I always believed that there was a Unity between everyone and everything and the belief in quote-unquote God figure was trying to express that. I can't say that I ever had a moment here I thought everything that they ever taught me was a lie! I guess that's kind of because my dad was never very Jewish. He didn't know Hebrew he didn't like going to Temple oh and that's another thing I was raised to reform Jewish which is Jewish very light and kind of humanist and as I was growing up in this movement of Judaism which was somewhat more secularized as time went on even more so than the more religious other Jewish groups. At the same time reform Jews who initially were very against tradition and ritual and all this kind of stuff head covering the prayer shawl that was frowned upon when I was growing up. But by the time I was about 12 or 13 women and men started wearing the head coverings and the prayer shawls and it became what it is now which is most people or a lot of people maybe half where them and half don't. in this environment of moral ambiguity and people questioning and doing their own individual things I guess I was influence by that individuality of belief. I was taught that you didn't even need to believe in God to be Jewish which is actually true you're Jewish because your mother is Jewish it's an inheritance. so in some sense more than just being a religion Judaism is somewhat tribal in that it goes by buy lineage and there is conversion but it's really not frowned upon but it's it's not sought after.

I have always been very connected to my ancestral feeling of being Jewish. The Jewish community that I grew up in our family was not well accepted but I'd have to say that we were also not well accepted outside of the Jewish Community either.

Fragmenting myself from the people who were fervent Jews and even died for their face or were killed just because they were thought to be Jews always made me feel like I needed to hold on to that part of my identity for their sake because in a way they did it for me and all of their descendants. so my Assurance anything Jewish is for the most part not religious and I would say not even cultural in the same sense that other people consider themselves cultural shoes although I love a good cream cheese and lox and all that kind of stuff but that's not what makes someone Jewish.

I guess I I would be remiss if I also didn't mention the effective learning about the Holocaust and World War II and the rest of Jewish world history. Often times whether I think myself to or not other people will respond to me in that way and sometimes it's not going to be good and so that kind of pushes me back because whether I like it or not it's there and it influences me and it influences others opinions of me. so I guess I can sum it up by saying that you'd he's into me my Judaism is about my identity more than it is about my face although I'm very interested in and I'm profoundly interested in history and science and all kinds of different things and I think learning about who I am as a Jew is part and parcel of that interest in history.

So as an adult I've almost never really gone to Temple on my own or synagogue although I have tried it's just hard to find a community especially in Central Florida where I live on the West Coast. I did live in Israel for 2 years I studied some Hebrew and I thought of living kibbutz, it didn't work out. 9/11 happened I felt like World War 3 was starting and I came back to be closer to my family.

Some more out of respect for my ancestors I do keep a little kosher not a lot. I avoid pork and shellfish and sometimes I'm back and forth about eating milk and meat together. aside from the fact that sometimes it's really hard just separate that in this area of the world all of the time, it does taste good and at the same time though it is not the best for digestion at two different kinds of proteins and enzymes cancel each other out. So I think I am going to try to do it more but more for Digestive reasons.

I am a pretty self-aware uncertain things. I can say that based on the way my friends and people throughout my life have addressed me and describes me I think I can say I'm nice person. And I think that one reason why I'm pretty explicit I'm eating this way is because when I eat this way it's a teachable moment somebody can say yes I'm mad at you and she was nice. You don't know how many times I've met people and I didn't tell them then I'm Jewish or something and then I hear it 3rd hand from other people, telling me about other people they know who've never met a Jewish person before and these people end up either loving or hating me before they've even met me! So meager kosher observance can also be an opportunity that provides an opportunity for teachable moments. I don't fit any stereotype about being Jewish not in my appearance not in my behavior not in how much money I make or my preoccupation with money. I love to provide that two people who are stuck in a stereotypical world who only think within stereotypes.

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College. After taking some philosophy courses with close examination of other religions, the contradictions started to show.

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At 12 knew I did not believe in a god, nor that jesus ever existed, was a non-believer, until I found the name that fit perfect, atheist...thru and thru

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It wasn't an instantaneous thing for me. Took a few years for me to eventually come to the conclusion of atheism. I guess the time I can formally say it is when I was 20. I didn't announce it until I was 22 or so. Was kind of afraid to for awhile, and eventually so many people kept ask it that I just decided to say screw it and deal with the fallout.

Zabie Level 2 May 13, 2018
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I remember probably the last time I prayed as a Christian, I was about 11 or 12, sitting in my room.

My step-dad had been in the picture for several years by then, generally abusing me (which my mom defended). I was just starting to recognize the abuse, which had recently started including sexual assault (which I also didn't understand or stop when it first started, and when I did, it gradually got more violent as he kept upping his offensive, and me my defensive). They made me see social workers, but when I told them what was going on at home, without even understanding it was anything incriminating, the worker told my parents what I said and then I got punished once we got home.

I basically reached a point where I realized if god wasn't answering my prayers, it was either because he didn't exist, or wasn't someone worth believing in.

I was proudly atheist for a few years until we finally moved out, which triggered the post part of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which in turn was so traumatizing it caused me to develop multiple personalities as a coping mechanism so someone else could step in when the PTSD was kicking my ass. Anyway, experiences with that made me believe in reincarnation for most of highschool, then spent a lot of time in psych wards about a year later. The multiple personalities had only lasted about a year before the others all disappeared or converged. It was like all of the closest people, closer than any non-telepathic relationship could comprehend, dying at once, tearing me apart, and being fed with memories and emotions that weren't my own and muddled my identity. One of the other patients was Wiccan, and some of their beliefs resonated with me and helped me cope, so then I was spiritual, non-religious for a while, still leaning toward reincarnation but also acknowledging that may not be right (whether that meant some religion was more right, or there was nothing).

Then I stopped believing anything specific, my only belief being "I don't know. Maybe there's something, maybe there's nothing, maybe there's something none of the religions have gotten right". If any human beliefs were right, or close, I thought it was by fluke, not because we'd actually interacted with another plane of existence, or had any actual evidence. Probably a few months ago, I realized if humans never existed to bring up these ideas to deal with their own existential crises, it would seem really absurd for there to be anything. I think people are more inclined to believe even the possibility of it because we're raised with it being normalized. I now consider it highly unlikely that there's anything, which is a relief, but none of my other beliefs were enough to deter me from death or feel obligated to life anyway.

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Was non-religious growing up.

Became a Christian late teens/early twenties.

Reverted to my natural state about mid-twenties.

Became a conscious atheist late-twenties.

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I always knew from four years old, that it was a story and not a very good one at that - I was read really good stories and learned to read for myself really easily - I didnt know the word for it till I was fairly old about fourteen I went on a CND rally with my best friend and there were lots of older teens there who pretty much filled us in on everything we needed to know

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When Jesus came from the Heavens and said, "there is no God."

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When I went through catholic confirmation and I woke up mentally to realize they had no basis for judgement other than it was tradition. I didn't like the backhanded relationships and realized the church was more culty than anything

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After 8 years in all girl catholic school.

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Never being invested in any of it despite being surrounded by it helped me see it all for the BS that it was. At best I was agnostic when I was young, but late teens and on wards I still remained thoroughly uninvested and unconvinced, so I was pretty much atheist at that point. Religion class in school is one of the driest, most boring, and repetitive classes to sit through as a kid. They mostly taught us the new testament stuff and the more lubby dubby happy go lucky roman catholic stuff. And when I started to see how inconsistent all that crap was with reality, I took it as seriously as any fairy tale.

1

I started to identify as agnostic in the 6th grade in Catholic school when I just couldn't get myself to believe what they were trying to get me to believe.It wasn't a specific instance, but rather 6 years of Catholic school that didn't make sense.

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At age 35, mired in a deep depression and having prayed to a god for 35 years who never once answered my prayers. Just suppose there is a God---I did not give up on Him, He gave up on me.

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I ever considered this my natural condition. But essentially started labeling myself as such in 10-th grade.
For some years considered myself "atheist". But then had some... let's say "religious experiences" and started considering myself agnostic or following a one-man religion.

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In 7th grade, My parents raised me to think for myself. Was never made to go to church or forced into religion. 7th grade i truly wanted to see what religion was all about. Plus this girl I had a huge crush on at the time was a huge christian, so I went to 2 bible school events. After questioning everything that was being preached, and getting terrible answers. I decided religion was a made up tool to control my mind. I was way ahead of my time 😀

2

It started in about 6th or 7th grade. I had some really disturbing religion teachers with really fucked up worldviews. Some of them seemed so unhinged and unreputable, I think everyone in my class grew a bit skeptical. When Brother David, the only redeeming figure of the church, jumped in front of a train -- our religion teacher told us all he was going to hell. They never had a service for him. I remember being disappointed to find my friend was being confirmed Catholic. I was already halfway through 12 years of Catholic school as a Methodist and their intolerance made me much more prone to resistance. I refused to do the sign of the cross or kneel during mass. I felt isolated when I had to cross my arms over my chest when everyone else received communion. When I asked one of my teachers about reincarnation, I was laughed at (and this was maybe 4th grade). The constant slights bred contempt. I clung to my traditions in the Methodist church up until 8th grade, feeling they belonged to me and I needed to defend them. I was baptized but never confirmed.

When I was about 13-15 my parents decided to start going back to church. They brought us to one with a live band and the drums would give me headaches. I liked the quiet hymns and my grandma's organ playing. We never made friends there. Everyone stayed in their cliques and would give praise so loudly and obnoxiously, arms high above their heads, it felt incredibly insincere. They forced me to go on a white water rafting trip I didn't want to go on, which fell apart and became a sleepover at some church lady's house I did not know at all. I wasn't friends with anyone, I didn't make friends, and I'm glad no one tried to take advantage of my vulnerability because I was terrified of it happening... I didn't know them at all.

All throughout high school I would spend mass daydreaming and being generally uncooperative. We finally made it out of sacred scripture and into world religion, and my beliefs and understanding of the world gained more clarity.

I even stopped cooperating at home, where after refusing to say the blessing, I was beaten and my food was thrown into the next room. I already knew that it was a false display of Christianity to begin with and I had no more respect for it anymore. So of course you would throw the food you asked me to bless and be violent. It was definitely gone by then.

If it weren't for my grandmother... I'd never have seen the good in Christianity. She was the only real one I knew, and much of her advice still stays with me. Much of it fueled my resistance to the constant performance of belief, and I'm so grateful she helped sow in me the seeds for my own self-determination.

Cwen Level 4 Dec 29, 2017

OMG. I drank five Mountain Dews in the time it took to read that! I started hearing Charlie Brown. Suggestion: Break your responses down. People actually look forward to reading short tid bits. Keep them hooked. Shit: Netflix does that to us.

2

I would say I was swinging like a pendulum for years between belief and lack of belief. Then, I watched a Psych 101 course on iTunes University from Paul Bloom (a professor at Yale). He was talking about Alzheimer’s and I don’t remember exactly what he said, but it gave me this sudden dawning that we can’t possibly have souls. If disease can completely devastate our personalities, memories, and essentially dismantle who we are, then we are simply a personality of our brain’s functionality, and once that functionality is impaired or ceases, then we too cease to be. I don’t believe in God, because what evidence there is is based on ancient, outdated, fantastical literature and the very clear point of it is gap of knowledge explanations, control and order attained by fear. It doesn’t hold water, so I had to let it go.

I too had a similar inclination. Without our percepts and body to experience life and form a conscious, and let's say only the soul is left, the soul has lost it's vehicle of awareness and being. How does the soul now sense life and the existential plane? Is there another dimension it enters? Another celestial form? What is the soul? What is awareness exactly? Who am I? What happens to the memories and sense of self? How am I able to even sense self or feel alive as self? Will this self experience a different form of awareness and being? Are our memories being written and stored in a global sphere? Is there a sphere of all knowledge and being that celestial bodies can feed from? Does this sense of self ceases to exist when the body ceases to exist? For me, it's all awe inspiring (like thinking about the shear possibility that my sense of self even exists) and the deeper you think about it, the more it all just seems so surreal and magical and like anything is possible. Like we can experience anything so completely odd and different from the plane we sense in this humanly form.

I also thought there's no soul in the same fashion as your flow of reasoning. Then, started thinking about all the other stuff above. Had to clarify just in case this point was lost above.

0

I was very young. My parents didn't like it. The church youth group (that I was still dragged to) didn't like it. I didn't care cos I was 'trouble' lol

1

I was 9 years old. I was brought up in a religious family who were regular church goers. There was so much bickering and bitchiness, even at 9, I could see this went against the notions of God I'd been taught to believe. From then I saw religious communities as hypocrites. This coincided with me getting a telescope and learning about astronomy. There was no evidence of God being present in such an expansive universe.

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Catholic school

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I tried so many Christian churches throughout my life. My 32 y.o. daughter died of an accidental overdose and it shattered everything I believed. I was told that God would never abandon me or give me more than I can handle.WRONG! My trying to undoctrinate myself has been a long and odd process. But once I realized there most likely isn't a god watching over me, I decided how I wanted to live and felt such liberation. What I didn't expect was at 59 years old, when I came out 5 years ago, that I would lose friends, not to realizing just how Christian America is and how in that, there is some real bigotry against anyone who doesn't believe as your run of the mill Christian does.

I lost my 18 y2k daughter the same way. I understand how you feel

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I've never believed in God, gods, or so called supernatural stuff. If it existed...it would be natural!

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