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Compatibility issues

I'm new to dating as an adult (Divorced 16 months, married over 19 years) but when do you tell potential partners about you beliefs or lack thereof? I've always been direct and up front about it but where I live, atheism is looked down on much more so than in larger cities. Plus, I've never done online dating so the whole experience is new to me. Do you tell potential dates beforehand?

By ClarkKent4
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21 comments

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5

I would put that information in my profile for all to see. I must admit that not everyone reads profiles.

jlynn37 Level 8 May 14, 2018

I was just going to say the same thing. If they list being religious in their profile, I will ask if they saw I am atheist. I had really good conversation with a gentleman, we met and it was really really good. We definitely clicked. A few days later I jokingly said something about being a heathen. I could almost hear his brakes squealing. He missed that in my profile even though it was right at the top under religious beliefs.

He couldn't handle it and said "that's not how my mother raised me." I wanted to ask him if he never questioned anything his mother told him but let it go instead.

5

In the interest of being open, it is important to me that I am clear about that, early on.

Meep70 Level 7 May 14, 2018
3

Put it in your profile (it's not like anyone reads them anyway). Otherwise just let it come up naturally in conversation.

GwenC Level 7 May 14, 2018
3

I would be upfront and open about it, as I would want a potential date to be as well. It's too important an issue for me to not discuss from the start.

bingst Level 8 May 14, 2018
2

The more fundamental something is that sets one apart, the earlier it should be revealed. Don't waste time.... or hopes.

2

It’s a deal breaker for me. If they can’t accept who I am then sianara. I’m upfront about it always, first and foremost.

Deemo Level 4 May 14, 2018
2

I have it prominently listed. It's a big deal to me and putting it alongside my other stats on dating sites makes sense as a major filter (assuming anyone reads in the first place). When perusing profiles, it's one of my filters for them, as well - not that I'll only meet with atheists, but I'm very selective. If I can't discern their preferences, I'll ask.

Helga Level 4 May 14, 2018
2

That is information that should be in your profile.

KKGator Level 9 May 14, 2018
2

I would let them know right away.

1

Oh yes! It's in my online profile. And most guys usually ask about it. It's a deal breaker for a lot of people (I live in Arkansas) so I don't want to waste their time.

Sara72712 Level 6 May 25, 2018
1

Thanks for all of the advice. When I created my dating profile, I had put that I'm atheist in there but took it out with the idea that maybe people wouldn't be so judgmental once they got to know me. However, I've decided to just put it back in and let the chips fall where they may. Thanks again, I appreciate it.

ClarkKent Level 4 May 15, 2018

Leave it in. Easier to weed out those with whom there will be no compatibility ahead of time.

1

I have never worried much about the religion issue. I won't date a person who believes in naturalpathy or is more rasist than I am. It is probably diffrent as I am in my 50s and female. Most people really don't talk a lot religion that I have met. I want more of a skeptic than just an atheist.

Sonya456 Level 5 May 14, 2018
1

Religion is one of the first things I ask about with anyone I'm considering any kind of relationship with.
It's that important to me, and benefits them also.
I'm a firm anti-theist.

1

The thing about online dating is you get to put yourself out to a whole lot more other people. Okay this has drawbacks like there are a whole lot of other guys out there for them to choose but it does mean that you can set a very specific stall out and get exactly what you want (or near as damn it). I will give you an extreme example On another site, (less virtuous shall we say). There was a woman into wristwatches. I mean really into wristwatches, you know around the guys .... She found guys for her peculiar wants. So be up front and say what you are and what you want from a gal. There will be women out there who will be compatible.

273kelvin Level 8 May 14, 2018
1

Dating on and off 20 years not an issue.

@FoundMyNietzsche I'm in MN and while some people are automatically offended, for the most part people are pretty accepting here.

I've been seriously considering a move to the south but after being on here for a few months, I am definitely reconsidering.

Live in NH

@FoundMyNietzsche good to know. I haven't really witnessed blatant racism so I am sure it would be an eye opener. Well, shocking actually!

I am just SO tired of winter. I don't think I could move to AZ or NM because I need green...grass, trees, etc. WA and OR are out because I also need sunshine. We'll see, I will most likely just end up moving to the Minneapolis/St. Paul area. My parents are currently healthy but they are in their 70s so I'd hate to move "away" only to have to come back in a few years to care for them.

0

When I was doing online dating (not on here), sometimes I put Atheists, sometimes other, sometimes left it blank. None of them produced results, so I am not sure it made a difference.

0

A relationship between a believer and non-believer is extremely difficult. Especially when it comes to rising kids, from what i have seen. It is not something me and my partners talked about often... but when we did, it was difficult not to intentionally be hurtful. Goodluck

Xtravisx Level 4 May 14, 2018
0

If neither of you bring it up, it’s clearly not a deal breaker.

Marz Level 7 May 14, 2018
0

I have been on and had dated some women on dating websites. The advice that I can give is not far off from what I have read that other have posted in responds to your question. Put it on your profile and it will for the most part get rid of the religious zealots. The object as I see it is to narrow your search to people you would be compatible with. If being an agnostic or theist is important to you say so in your narrative. You want someone you don’t have to walk on eggshells around and form some religion is a deal breaker and that’s fine the idea is to find that person you want to be with so decide what you want and look for it. Good luck and use good common sense when dating.

0

Just say it... It's easy.

If you put it a profile it's said for you.

0

How important is your religious view to you? Are you ok dating a religious person? Does your atheism encompass a large part of how you view yourself?

Your answers to questions like that change my answer to yours. If it is important to you, or if you could not see yourself with someone who is strongly religious, you should mention it early. If not so much, I would say (since you stated you are generally "upfront" ) that it'll come up early enough in conversation that you'd be fine.

Tucker79 Level 5 May 14, 2018
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