I joined this group some time ago when my wife was very ill and her doctors didn't expect her to recover, but she did. In March of 2020, she was admitted to the hospital with very high arterial carbon dioxide levels and she was hallucinating almost all the time. Over time, however, she improved and was eventually released to a rehab hospital with the plan for her to regain strength enough to come home. COVID hit the scene which made visits impossible. We were able to visit through her window since she was on the first floor until July when she was moved to the second floor (I told her I would buy a trampoline). Still, we communicated every day by phone. She had regained her senses and the hallucinations had long since become a thing of the past. She continued to struggle with certain health issues, but remained hopeful for enough recovery to come home. Very recently, the hospital made accomodations for hour long visits with a negative COVID test and a visiter suiting up in all sorts of protective gear. I was able to get in one visit before a COVID case had been detected which shut down visitation again. Still, it was good to be able to be in the same room with her even for a short hour long visit. While some similar facilities had experienced terrible rates of COVID infections, this one had been extremely cautious and kept patients as safe as possible. They had very few cases of COVID and they acted quickly to address any positive tests amoung patients or staff. Last week, my wife began experiencing abdominal cramping. She called me early in the morning to tell me she was transfering to the hospital because her pain had become so severe. I called the hospital to see what their visitation policy was and I was told they only allowed patients in the ER. A couple hours later, they called me and said I could come and be with her, so I hurried to the hospital. She was in terrible pain, but worse, they were having difficulty keeping here blood pressure up which didn't allow them to administer pain medications. She asked me to try to help sooth her and I did what I could. By the evening, the doctors thought emergency surgery was warranted. They suspected a portion of her bowel may have died and needed to be removed. I knew my wife was not a good candidate for surgery, but they did not expect her to survive the night without it. The anestesia alone could have been too much for her, much less the operation, but the procedure went about as well as possible. No necrotic tissue, although, things didn't look great either. The surgeon said he found a lot of scar tissue from earlier operations which he removed and things appeared to be better. I sighed a bit of relief and went home to try to rest. During the night, the hospital called for authorization to increase the regimen to support her blood pressure. Later, they called and asked me to come down to the hospital. I hurried in. I met with the doctors before going in to see my wife. She was not doing well. Although the surgery had gone well, my wife was not recovering and was going down hill. Her blood pressure would not stay constant even though she was on the maximum amount of medication to keep it elevated. With her blood pressure too low, her kidneys weren't functioning as they should and dialysis was recommended. But dialysis would put additional pressure to lower her blood pressure and they didn't think they could do it without harming her. The decision was made for DNR. I went in to see her, to hold her hand, and to tell her how very much I loved her. That was about 9 AM. Around 9:30, Monday Feb 1, her heart stopped and she was gone. I have spent the week trying to do the necessary things to arrange for her funeral, start the life insurance claim, and all in between having bouts of depression and crying. Things around our home remind me of her; sometimes the very silliest things set me off. My wife hated the food at the rehab hospital so I had made it a habit to fix something for her, or to buy food from a restaurant. It was a nice break for her. When I fixed her something, I had an insulated bag I would transport it in. Because I was using it so often, I hung it on the back of a dining room chair for easy access. The morning after she passed, I walked into the room and spotted that bag hanging on the back of the chair and just lost it. I had myself a good cry. That's pretty much how the whole week has been. I had been working from home because of the pandemic, and I did put in about a half day Tuesday to Friday to accomplish essential tasks. I thought doing something normal might help - it may have a little - but all I want to do is lay around and feel sad. My kids are coming in next weekend for services which we will hold vitually. My wife had lots of internet friends all over the place and we have family in many parts of the country. Anyway, this is why I am here in this group. My wife and I had beem married for 42 years. We had our share of issues over the years but these last 15 years or so have been particularly wonderful. Perhaps we both "grew up" enough or had had enough therapy that we came to appreciate one another like never before. I am going to miss her terribly.
I am so, so, sorry for your loss. My husband and I were married thirty years when he died three years ago. The first few months without him are still a blur. The first few weeks I couldn't begin to tell anyone about. I don't remember them. Maybe that's a good thing. Three years out it's easier in some ways but more difficult in others. I wish I could offer you comfort. Take care of yourself.
My heart goes out to you. I am so very sorry about your wife’s passing. You write so lovingly of her which tells me you two had a very loving relationship. The first few weeks are tough while trying to take care of insurance and bills etc., I know as I lost my husband in 2018, so please take time for self care while you go through this very difficult time.