I voted "A Relationship That Starts On A Lie Has No Future". Be yourself and you can worry less about rejection later or worse yet, going through marriage and then being asked for a refund later. I heard that can be very expensive.

I would always prefer to hear an ugly truth over a pretty lie. I believe if both people want to overcome something, anything is possible....through communication and honesty. But what do I know. Guess that’s why I’m single lol.

I recently ended a 20+ year friendship over a lie. Honesty is important.

I recently got a message from a woman saying she wanted to meet me. after a couple text's I asked to meet for coffee and she answered not now. She texted me next day and said she didn't live near me , she lived in another state (900 miles away) and was thinking of moving to my state. ???

Not exactly lying, but there are a handful of scenarios where a half-truth would be acceptable. Some situations are too complicated for a profile and better left to a face to face conversation on the first date.

I keep saying to people "If you don't lie, how the hell are you supposed to lead an honest life?" Everybody lies about something to someone sometimes and usually more than most of us realize. So sure, it depends the lie. There's good as well as bad lies.

I had a longish post here, but I'm also curious what people think about things that happened 10+ years.

Some people think the number of sexual partners is absolutely and always off limits, ok would that include doing a bit of porn?

I have no felonies or any legal issues. One of my friends is a convicted sex offender, he got married last year but didn't open up about his history until the third date when it seemed like the relationship could go somewhere.

I don't have deep secrets and am very open about my past, lol largely bc I'm the most boring man in the world. If a woman won't date me bc of a threesome 20 years ago, meh IDGAF.
I'm especially curious what women I might date would hide until she got to know me. When would a woman talk about drug addiction, screwing an entire football team...I've had two female acquaintances who were prostitutes long before I ever knew them. I'd decided not to think of them romantically months before they told me about their past, but when do people think it's ok to talk about sensitive issues when first dating?

On the flip side, I've heard of couples where one had extreme abuse, omitted talking about siblings...for years or even decades. Most couples have a few little secrets, and most of those are innocent things like they'll eating McDonald's, playing the lotto...crap their partner wouldn't care about even if it came up.

People are very different on these issues.

Never. It's one thing to be discreet until you get to know someone better, don't be an open book right away. But don't fake who you are. Appreciate yourself and what you have to offer, even if it's not perfect.

People lie when some aspect of their life is not what they want it to be. I've found giving into that compulsion just makes things uglier and more complicated.

Better to expose your own warts up front and be rejected on that basis than to be discovered to be a liar and rejected as a liar and inherently not trustworthy.

I set up a profile test to see why I qas passed over. I made 2 profiles that only varied by 1 character. The true profile never got a response... the fake one got hit within 5 minutes. The real profile had a 5 which was replaced with a 6 in the fake profile.

Guess what the change meant.

To the people that voted for "relationships built on lies have no future", some religions are over 5000 years old. I agree lies are bad and destroy relationships but bullshit can get a long way.

It is best to be honest. If a guy does not want to meet a woman who is overweight, comes from an unhealthy family, is atheist, is liberal, who has no interest in sports, etc. etc. etc. ... (all these things apply to me) .... then it is better that I be direct and honest right off the bat. It would be a waste of time and energy to lie. If anything in my past or in my character is a deal breaker, then it is best to be honest. When a good trust level has been established, if the relationship is going somewhere, both partners ought to be honest about health issues or things in their past like a criminal record, going through alcohol treatment, etc. Lots of lies will come out eventually and if it breaks up a marriage or live in partnership, that is pretty tragic.

Oh I could write an encyclopedia on this one but... I won't

I am who I am and I am not a liar nor do I want to date a liar.

Once I know you have lied to me about anything, even something inconsequential, there is no reason for me to ever believe anything you ever say; and every reason to assume that anything you say could be a lie.

There's information I wouldn't reveal in my profile that I would in more private communications, but an outright lie gives you some idea as to their integrity at the onset.

People have disparate definitions of "lying" too.

I'll never agree with my sister thinking I lied when I said I ran 5 miles when I only ran 4.7 miles.

It's also good to understand EVERYONE puts their best foot forward at first, yeah that includes you and me. About the time I get serious with a woman, we have a conversation about any skeletons that might crop up.

I've had women tell me they have an STD, they screwed 15 men in one night, specific sexual things they need or won't do, bankruptcy...and depending on the vibe I might be ok with those conversations by the 2nd date, but IME very very very few people would give someone another chance after finding out many things.

For me, if there's something in the back of her mind she's ashamed about and would try to hide from me, those are the things we should discuss. I offer women the same courtesy. Secrets grow venomous fangs in the dark, lol to paraphrase the bible, the truth shall set you free and it does feel awesome when you understand someone you care about doesn't judge you for past "sins".

Again, I have two friends and on the 3rd date he made sure she knew he was convicted of rape 24 years before. He's sober and one of the more respectful men I know now. He won't go to strip clubs bc they demean women and will help anyone. I called him at 11pm when my sump pump broke last year, he wouldn't even take . They're a great couple, but I bet 75% of women wouldn't give any rapist a chance, and I can't really argue with that attitude TBH.

What is the point of lying? Had a guy once lie about his age (not on a profile but in real life), his explanation being that he thought I would prefer someone closer to my age. He seemed to not understand the idea that it is my decision to date within a certain age range and that he was attempting to remove my option to do so.

If a man lies for romance he is just trying to get laid. If a woman lies for romance it is usually about money.

Lying is what children do.

You can't survive much on lies

Wouldn't it be preferable to tell the truth and find the person who is OKAY with your truth? Wouldn't you be happier with that person, instead of the person you lured in on false pretenses, with whom you'd have to continue lying to, in order to keep?

I met a man who seemed like a great fit on his profile. We had a nice dinner and conversation. Near the end of dinner he confessed that he had lied on his profile that he was actually four years older. I told him I had a wonderful evening but I had to go.
Why? Because I am honest on my profile.. even about my weight! If you hope to develop mutual respect you cannot start out with dishonesty. If he was going to lie about something insignificant as age, what about other issues?