I don't see how thats childish at all. If you do not want to speak with some one, thats your right, you don't have to say a word.

What I will NEVER understand is why anyone would bother trying to "make nice" with people who clearly have no regard for them, or their feelings?
Just because you slap the label "family" on them means nothing.
Family has nothing to do with DNA, or marriage, or any other damned thing.
Family are the people who know you best, love you anyway, and always have
your back. You don't need to share a single drop of blood either.
Everyone else is 100% expendable.

I agree with you don't speak to her. she will just continue her aggression. But, remain in contact with your cousin, and make sure that he knows what she is doing.

Since she decided to throw shade, I think it's more mature of you to not feed the flame.

She sounds like a jerk. Just ignore her.

Why do you think you're the bad guy? She was mad at you so you, she dissed you by not inviting you to a family event, she is mad at you so you steered clear of her. sounds like you're the victim here. you don't need to extend an olive branch, she does. But yes a civil hello to her is appropriate..No need to be warmer than that.

In time you will be able to be civil. She will by then be cousins second ex wife.

Sorry, but this is "Mind your own damn business" time. She has no right to meddle in your affairs. Don't speak to her?, best advice of all, I think.

She sounds like an asshole who needs to mind her own goddamn business to me. Whom you are friends with is no concern of hers.

It sounds like she's unhappy because you won't let her dump her garbage on you. Some people are just garbage trucks, they carry their drama around and look for people to dump it on. That doesn't make you bad, just means you're not going to put up with it. It's not your responsibility to unable anyone. Rock on!

She is toxic. Say your peace to her and be done.

You aren't obligated to talk to anyone. A polite greeting is enough to avoid being "rude".

You can talk to, or not talk to, whomever you please. As well as be friends with whomever you please. Drama because of this may happen. Mitigate or not as you wish. Depends how much you care about pleasing the people involved. Who, by the way, are the ones being childish.

You don't owe anyone forgiveness. Some people are bad for you and there's no reason you should get the short end of the stick for cutting those kind of people out of your life. I wouldn't mind too much what your relative says. You can't make everyone happy, nor should you.

You're the bad guy because in a Kafkaesque world full of judgmental asshats, there's no possible explanation for not "making nice" other than that you're not a nice person. You always come out on the losing end of such judgments. No exceptions that I've ever seen.

Yeah, it's not right for your cousin's insecure 2nd wife to try to sabotage other people's relationships with his ex. But it's a VERY common gambit.

My current wife's ex remarried to a bitch on wheels like that who would not collaborate or seek common ground on raising the children in a split household. In fact, the woman instigated a court battle to reduce my wife's child support and otherwise marginalize her. It was basically a living hell for several years, that ruined a very cordial divorce and co-parenting situation that had existed before the remarriage, and caused major problems with her kids (for example the bat refused to not smoke around her son, despite that he had asthsma). So look on the bright side -- it's just a cousin. It could have been WAY worse.

So ... considering that this person is of no daily significance to you or even that close to you relationally, I'd just pretend nothing happened to the extent of saying hello and acting nice, and not having any more interaction beyond that. Well ... if it was me I wouldn't be going to family reunions anyway but given that this seems important to you, that'd be my thought. Let go of it. You're not helping things by holding on, and only hurting yourself.

I always at least say "hello" to anyone and everyone at a gathering. There is no need to say anything else if you have no desire to do so. Just acknowledging someones presence harms no one.

I'd avoid her too.

She feels threatened - possibly rejected by you and is motivated by that fear. That much is clear.

If her fear can be assuaged, then that would be something that would be good for everyone. If not, then someone brought a crappy person into the family and you are stuck. Still, holding a grudge isn't good. If it can be worked out, work it out. Some fights aren't worth it.

Best of luck on it.

Oh...i would never forgive the bastards for their judgemental behaviour. But thats just me.

Don't need the negitive force in your life

This is on your cousin too ya know. F all who tried to hump your leg. F them all to hell. FTS!
What a bee hatch.

Most adults maintain the pretense of being rational and mature but when the pressure rises, the kitchen gets hot, the chips are down etc.: the pretense crumbles and they begin to show they are small minded, parochial, judgmental and most of their decisions are emotionally driven. I used to have the same argument with my ex about getting good information from from "bad" (people you don't like) people. She wouldn't listen to a word (right or wrong) from someone she didn't like but the reasons she didn't like a person were often unknown to her or clearly petty.

There are no background details. You are a stranger. It's impossible to form an opinion.

My ex-wife had 3 sisters and they unsurprisingly would fall out from time to time.
Sister A would fall out with B. Sister C would talk to B = Sister A would then fall out with C as a consequence. Then sister A would make up with B but still not talk to C because of her "betrayal" by talking to B when the feud was on.
As for your case, its not unusual for a new wife to try and isolate the ex and insulate the guy from all contact.