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Why can't a man have a friendship with a women like he does with another man? My best friend and I, we are both straight men, spend time together at each other's home, go out to eat together, go nightclubing together, travel together, camp together, enjoy each other company. I would enjoy having a female friend to enjoy those things with.

jlynn37 8 June 26

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9

For thousands of years, it's been taboo. Women were always considered property, so bonds were not encouraged. Even when I was married, my partner didn't want me to have male friends. Fuck that noise. I have several platonic male friends now.

Good for you.

7

Men and women can be friends. Believe it or not, not every woman out there is out for a relationship. I'd love to meet a guy to just pal around with.

Cinjar Level 5 June 26, 2018
7

Well I have friends both male and female, But I have two very best friends, that know me 100 percent and I know them the same. they have been my best friends at least close to 25 years. One is a male, and one a female. So I know it can be done.

6

I don’t see why you can’t. I have male friends and we do the same things you mentioned without incident.

Agreed.

5

I have had several platonic male friends. However, I have found that most men who say that they want to be friends really mean that they want to be friends because they think it will eventually lead to "romance."

How about not lead to romance but friends with benefits.

@jlynn37 In my view, this is the MOST slippery slope where people can get really misunderstood and HURT. One starts out ONE WAY and one or the other feel more of an attachment OFTEN BEFORE THEY REALIZE IT, as sex brings out the primal part of the brain, YIKES!

This has been my exp as well.
I found out the depth of it when I became PG with my girl 20 some years ago. Suddenly I had only one or two "platonic" male friends!

@jlynn37 "Romance" was a euphemism for sex, and if I tell a man that I want only to be friends, it is because I don't want to have sex with him--or I already have a boyfriend. Your question is an example of my point. Why does "it" go immediately to sex?

@jlynn37, @LetzGetReal Studies show that a woman knows on meeting if she wants to have sex with a man or not. When I say no, I mean no, which leads to another annoying assumption in that women play hard to get or the man can simply wear her down.

Believe it or not, it works just as deceptively and tenaciously both ways. 🙂

@Silver1wun That men know immediately with whom they will have sex? Or women will become friends with men in order to wear them down in order to have sex?

@Gwendolyn2018 Not that complicated. It is more about men and women who are not honest with themselves about their motivations and the self-deception gets unintentionally passed on. I don't mean, incidentally, that they cannot consider each other to be physically desirable people. It should take a lot more than that and when it doesn't, many otherwise good friendships end.

@Silver1wun Both men and women can be self-delusional, for sure, and some have unrealistic expectations. I know women who have entered into physical relationships with men hoping/thinking that it will turn into something serious, but in those instances, it never did. I also have had a couple of platonic male friends who told me that they had developed friends with benefits (and sometimes, just benefits) with women who SAID that they were just looking for sex. I told the men that the women would "develop feelings" and both times, the men insisted that the women KNEW it was all about sex. Then, a few weeks/a month or so later, the men said that they broke off the relationships because she wanted something deeper. Told ya so.

However, I also had an online male friend (for over ten years) who would fall for every woman who would pay attention to him, including one who said she only wanted sex and meant it.

Go figure.

@Gwendolyn2018 I believe for both personal and studied reasons that what is called 'just sex' is comparable to half-sex; as in self pleasuri thing with the assistance of another. In quality ir compares to a favorite, non-issue related Swedish proverb that comares functionally.

"Shared sorrow is half sorrow. Shared joy is double joy."

To me, sex isn't something that one 'gives' another in optimal circumstances. It is what Nature gives two people sharing a discharge of life/sexual energy. Anything less is a substitute and a comparitively poor one at that.

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@Gwendolyn2018 I believe for both personal and studied reasons that what is called 'just sex' is comparable to half-sex; as in self pleasuring with the assistance of another. In quality it compares to a favorite, non-issue related Swedish proverb that compares functionally.

"Shared sorrow is half sorrow. Shared joy is double joy."

To me, sex isn't something that one 'gives' another in optimal circumstances. It is what Nature gives two people sharing a discharge of life/sexual energy. Anything less is a substitute and a comparitively poor one at that.

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@Silver1wun It is up to the individuals. Whether it is biological/cultural/religious or not, women tend to look at sex differently than do men. I have had a couple of friends with benefits and one of them told me that I was the only woman he knew who did not apply "sentiment" to sex. I don't, but I still have to LIKE the guy and find him attractive. there are very few men in my age range whom I find attractive and I just don't like most people in general (even when they think that I do).

Also, I broke it off with that friend because it essentially boiled down to the benefits for him. He was attractive, but he wasn't great in bed--so why bother?

5

I think they can. In fact I think a lot of women would welcome it. However you must mean it, on both sides

5

My best friend is a woman. We kissed once, and it was weird! We agreed to let it go & be who we are. I'm kind of metro & she's kind of a dyke, though we're both def straight. I'd kill for her & she'd do the same for me. Best friendship is like a blank check nobody ever wants to cash.

NerdyB Level 4 June 26, 2018

Love that last line. Quite the exceptional friendship there.
I've had one-ish , but we had a pact that we would marry each other when older if we found ourselves simultaneously single...unfortunately we'll never be able to fulfill that , what with his having died.

5

Wives and girlfriends don't like it. I have gotten to the point that I won't be seen alone with men that are in relationships (is this how Pence feels?!!) because I have had their ladies assume I had designs on them. No way, no how. I've also had male friends assume that I wanted to have more than friendship and move on me. Damn it, men!

Pence, that part is funny~

I have run into this in more provincial communities, especially IN the bible belt... SAD!

5

I am a gay man and have friends just like you describe of all genders.

icolan Level 7 June 26, 2018
4

I have women friends. In fact, I am more comfortable around women. I find my male friends to be self absorbed. Always talk about their problems. Not as considerate of others. Never got the male bonding thing of going to bars or playing cards.

jab60 Level 6 June 27, 2018

^^^^^ I resemble these remarks.

4

I have had a few male friends, have one now but I know if I said lets take it further he would. But we have a good friendship.

4

I can dig it! Always wanted to be treated like one of the guys.

3

Friendship is friendship, it doesn't need to be validated.

3

I would like the same, but I have found at least in my age groups straight guys don't want to be your friend for just pal around stuff if they don't want to shag you.

Hmm... Maybe a new group of friends... more hardcore Atheists? Just kidding about the LAST part. 😉

@seaspot, you said a lot when you brought up age. Younger people probably have a more difficult time being friends with the opposite sex. The biological urge to procreate drives us all when we are younger.

@freeofgod Thank you for saying I am in a younger age group. LOL. I don't feel that way! but most men my age who are attached aren't going to be palling around with an unattached female without the wife along, and seriously, the unattached guys aren't interested unless they are interested. It is most unfortunate in my view. This is why middle-aged women tend to like to have some gay male friends. I would love a fishing buddy or someone to just do some nature stuff with, no strings and no expectations beyond friendship, but I am not sure that's realistic.

3

Biology.

Nah... I think CONDITIONING, more so...

3

One of my best friends is a woman. We go out to dinner, go to concerts, etc. No problem.

I know it can be done and is done so often, but it is not the norm in my opinion. I have also been there several times but it has gotten more difficult as I have gotten older.

@jlynn37 Why, what happens??

2

I had occasion to count up my personal friends yesterday and of the 6 that knock on my door regularly, 4 were women. One is an ex and the rest are platonic. Not saying that I would not if they asked (ex excluded) but no means no and till they change their minds thats how it will stay. This is not an ulterior motive just that if I find a woman attractive, I will tell her so. Its up to her where she takes that.
The most important thing in this is, I enjoy the company of women period. I like to talk and listen to them. They speak so differently than us guys. It is almost like another language. Mens conversation is so easy. Its upfront, out in plain sight, sport, politics etc. Women are much more subtle and personal. It adds another dimension to any subject, which I personally find fascinating.
Bottom line is, if you want women friends, you have to like them for who they are.

Agreed entirely.

2

as we take down some very ingrained cultural ideals, about everything, including gender,, Things will get better. Many younger people are moving over to having a very close friend in their lives as their 'one human' instead of dating.

2

when i lived in germany it wasn't an issue at all; there most of my friends were male. since living in australia it doesn't work for me any more - sexism being pretty much in the way of integrity.

2

I am pretty sure he can, he just have to find her

2

It definitely is a slippery slope. I struggled with this in one of my current, closest friendships. What helped was that she already has a boyfriend and that he's actually happy we hang out (long distance relationship dynamic).

In the very beginning, there definitely was an attraction on my part. It ended up being one of the greatest personal growths I've ever had. It forced me to really dig deep about my feelings (I've never told her about them). If anything, the way I see it, I worked hard to convert the attraction I felt into a different, much more platonic kind of love; through it all, I learned there are different kinds of love, and that it is possible (though tricky at first) to just be friends. All in all, as mentioned before, be honest with her, and most importantly yourself through it all.

Hope my half ramble helped a bit

Great for you!

2

I have not spent any considerable time with anyone over the last 5 years. I can say that having a woman friend just to rationalize some things would be a welcomed normalcy.

azzow2 Level 9 June 26, 2018

I can relate very much to that.

2

Every male friend I've had always wanted more than friendship.. It just seems to be one of those things.

And Gatekeeper is right. If the man is attached to a woman it usually gets ugly fast.

@freeofgod WE ALL have had different EXPERIENCES. I do feel it is FAIR to go to sweeping generalizations.

@LetzGetReal , I was only speaking of my own experience. Maybe I was just bad at reading the people involved. But the men I refer to, in my experience, wanted more than my friendship. And their female counterparts, if they had one, seemed to think I was of the same mind. I was not.

2

I think the issue from men .. they give bad idea about themselves.

Areej Level 2 June 26, 2018

Bad self- image, due to social conditioning? YES...

2

My Fair Lady has a great song about this...sung by the professor. It does happen but it takes...wisdom?

@OlderMusicGeek YES! That's the one. Isn't that the OP's complaint? lol

@OlderMusicGeek hahaha OP would be jlynn37...original poster. You didn't sound as if you were complaining...

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