Why can't a man have a friendship with a women like he does with another man? My best friend and I, we are both straight men, spend time together at each other's home, go out to eat together, go nightclubing together, travel together, camp together, enjoy each other company. I would enjoy having a female friend to enjoy those things with.
I have a few too few of such female friends. It makes appreciation of them so much greater knowing how rare they are. One in particular is a best friend relationship as close as it gets without sexual intimacy.
We once had it as well but mutually recognized some differences in living and outlook that weren't a 'fit' at that level.
We are afflicted by religiously and patriarchally based social canon and erroneous notions that prevent both formation and salvation of close heterosexual, platonic friendships.
Barriers can be overcome with honest examination and refusing to allow others who are not part of the friendship to interfere. It's no easy task for those who've already succombed to being 'saddled' and branded.
Agreed.
My best friend is a woman. We kissed once, and it was weird! We agreed to let it go & be who we are. I'm kind of metro & she's kind of a dyke, though we're both def straight. I'd kill for her & she'd do the same for me. Best friendship is like a blank check nobody ever wants to cash.
Love that last line. Quite the exceptional friendship there.
I've had one-ish , but we had a pact that we would marry each other when older if we found ourselves simultaneously single...unfortunately we'll never be able to fulfill that , what with his having died.
Wives and girlfriends don't like it. I have gotten to the point that I won't be seen alone with men that are in relationships (is this how Pence feels?!!) because I have had their ladies assume I had designs on them. No way, no how. I've also had male friends assume that I wanted to have more than friendship and move on me. Damn it, men!
@gatekeeper63 That is a good point and unfortunately too often accurate
I have women friends. In fact, I am more comfortable around women. I find my male friends to be self absorbed. Always talk about their problems. Not as considerate of others. Never got the male bonding thing of going to bars or playing cards.
^^^^^ I resemble these remarks.
I have had a few male friends, have one now but I know if I said lets take it further he would. But we have a good friendship.
I can dig it! Always wanted to be treated like one of the guys.
Friendship is friendship, it doesn't need to be validated.
I would like the same, but I have found at least in my age groups straight guys don't want to be your friend for just pal around stuff if they don't want to shag you.
@seaspot, you said a lot when you brought up age. Younger people probably have a more difficult time being friends with the opposite sex. The biological urge to procreate drives us all when we are younger.
@freeofgod Thank you for saying I am in a younger age group. LOL. I don't feel that way! but most men my age who are attached aren't going to be palling around with an unattached female without the wife along, and seriously, the unattached guys aren't interested unless they are interested. It is most unfortunate in my view. This is why middle-aged women tend to like to have some gay male friends. I would love a fishing buddy or someone to just do some nature stuff with, no strings and no expectations beyond friendship, but I am not sure that's realistic.
I think you can but you have to be very upfront about it right to the point of either saying yes or no to "friends with benefits" I have quite a few male friends and we are just friends
One of my best friends is a woman. We go out to dinner, go to concerts, etc. No problem.
I know it can be done and is done so often, but it is not the norm in my opinion. I have also been there several times but it has gotten more difficult as I have gotten older.
I had occasion to count up my personal friends yesterday and of the 6 that knock on my door regularly, 4 were women. One is an ex and the rest are platonic. Not saying that I would not if they asked (ex excluded) but no means no and till they change their minds thats how it will stay. This is not an ulterior motive just that if I find a woman attractive, I will tell her so. Its up to her where she takes that.
The most important thing in this is, I enjoy the company of women period. I like to talk and listen to them. They speak so differently than us guys. It is almost like another language. Mens conversation is so easy. Its upfront, out in plain sight, sport, politics etc. Women are much more subtle and personal. It adds another dimension to any subject, which I personally find fascinating.
Bottom line is, if you want women friends, you have to like them for who they are.
Agreed entirely.
as we take down some very ingrained cultural ideals, about everything, including gender,, Things will get better. Many younger people are moving over to having a very close friend in their lives as their 'one human' instead of dating.
when i lived in germany it wasn't an issue at all; there most of my friends were male. since living in australia it doesn't work for me any more - sexism being pretty much in the way of integrity.
It definitely is a slippery slope. I struggled with this in one of my current, closest friendships. What helped was that she already has a boyfriend and that he's actually happy we hang out (long distance relationship dynamic).
In the very beginning, there definitely was an attraction on my part. It ended up being one of the greatest personal growths I've ever had. It forced me to really dig deep about my feelings (I've never told her about them). If anything, the way I see it, I worked hard to convert the attraction I felt into a different, much more platonic kind of love; through it all, I learned there are different kinds of love, and that it is possible (though tricky at first) to just be friends. All in all, as mentioned before, be honest with her, and most importantly yourself through it all.
Hope my half ramble helped a bit
Every male friend I've had always wanted more than friendship.. It just seems to be one of those things.
And Gatekeeper is right. If the man is attached to a woman it usually gets ugly fast.
@LetzGetReal , I was only speaking of my own experience. Maybe I was just bad at reading the people involved. But the men I refer to, in my experience, wanted more than my friendship. And their female counterparts, if they had one, seemed to think I was of the same mind. I was not.
My Fair Lady has a great song about this...sung by the professor. It does happen but it takes...wisdom?
@OlderMusicGeek YES! That's the one. Isn't that the OP's complaint? lol
@OlderMusicGeek hahaha OP would be jlynn37...original poster. You didn't sound as if you were complaining...
I would love that same kind of friendship. I often wonder why people think having a male friendship needs to involve a physical /sexual / intimate aspect..IT DOES'NT