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I had been talking to a guy for a month. Tried to meet up several times but he either had something come up or got sick. I was definitely getting the "not interested" vibe. But when I asked him he was always so like " no I am interested..lets just take it slow" So I point blank asked him if he wanted me or not. He gets all defensive and says for me to stop acting like we were dating!! Wtf?? I don't have time for games and I am too old for that shit anyway. Why can't men just be open and honest about their intentions??

#WTF
ErinS704 5 July 12
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54 comments

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2

Most cis hetero men are basically walking sex organs with large bellies. They typically go for the youngest, hottest woman they can find. If you have any romantic notions about men, forget it.

The book, The Rules for Online Dating advises women to delete any men who don't ask to meet them in person within four messages.

Women are advised to wait at least one day before replying to messages.

If a man asks to meet you, only meet them in your own city, at a public place. Take your own car. Let friends know where you are. Never tell the strange men where you live or give them enough information for them to figure it out for themselves.

If the man tries to make the woman pay for the date, stand up and leave immediately.

DO "google" the men before meeting them. Find out if what they told you is true. Are they married, employed, have kids, are in another relationship, are listed as sexual predators, etc.

End the date first. Don't sleep with anyone until you're in a exclusive relationship. Don't bare your soul to them. Don't complain to them about your past relationships, implying that you think THEY will solve all your romantic expectations. Don't chase, call, or throw yourself at them. Don't act needy and clingy.

Be mysterious and somewhat aloof until you get to know them much better, or until they've asked for an exclusive relationship. Then, be careful what you tell them.

Holy crap that's a TON of rules. I understand that women in this day and age need to be careful. I only take "issue" with one thing: I am always hesitant to know when to ask a woman I'm talking to online to meet. It seems like something they should initiate interest in. So I'll wait about a week, sometimes 10 days. And by then I'll mention wanting to meet her, and I'll apologize if it's too soon.
Also... sometimes getting chased feels good to us as well. My last serious girlfriend chased me. We were together 2 1/2 years and it was probably my best ever relationship. Just saying... not everything can be so easily slotted into categories.

@KCjoe108 Um, you do realize that all people are on a gender trait spectrum. You obviously have lower amounts of testosterone at work. I was talking about a typical cis hetero male strong in male traits.

There are always less aggressive men types for the more aggressive females. In my case, I don't react well to them. I need a male more aggressive than I am, and those are rare.

@birdingnut
No reason to seem so defensive! I can assure you my testosterone levels are fine, lol. But I was also raised to have manners.
Rules are meant to be broken after all!

19

He actually weighs 400 lbs, is unemployed, and lives in his mum’s basement. The photos he posted are his brother-in-law, Pete. You dodged a bullet.

LOL!

12

Some are, you found the wrong guy. Cut your losses, forget him and move on. Don't make a priority someone who makes you optional.

10

He's either playing games to boost his ego or afraid of involvement. Move on quickly!

10

Guys can be. You're just talking to the wrong dude.

9

Yeah he's playing around. When your older ain't nobody got time for that. Lol.

9

Try not push all guys into the same hole as this one, who doesn't sound like he's worth your effort.

8

If things are not going to your satisfaction, move on. Problem solved.

8

Sounds like "he's just not that into you"... Move on and don't waste any more time and energy on someone who's not willing to fully invest their time and energy in you.

8

Pay attention to the red flags that are flying in your face.
There is definitely something "not right" here.
Cut him loose.

8

To be honest, This guy seems liking like he's hiding something. To me I would drop him like a hot potato. there are manother fish in the sea. believe me, he's not worth the hastle.

7

You got a married man looking for a transition to single life.

7

I know. Been there. I don't like games either. Mine didn't have the balls to break up in person, no call, no text. Screw that noise. They keep telling me there are good ones out there. We'll find 'em. 'Til then, let's go have a beer. First round's on me!

Sounds good lol. I’m in the same boat as you. I’m wondering where the good women are hiding. I’m up for a nice quiet bar lol

7

There are a dozen episodes of Catfish that start just like this. Move on

GwenC Level 7 July 12, 2018
6

Darn it, ask me next time ?

6

Not all guys are like that. I for one am not. When I have a lady in my life nobody will be able to get me to cheat. I call everyday when I’m unable to go visit. I tag her in romantic memes on Facebook and such. I do my best to let her know she’s always in my thoughts

PaulD Level 5 July 12, 2018
5

Yeah, this guy was lying to someone for sure. That's how people act when they are potentially cheating.

Watch our for the warning signs. Being a poly guy, we get it a lot with women pulling the same exact thing. If someone isn't wide open with you about their life or things within it by about a week or two, then they are being dishonest somewhere along the line. Just level and tell them this is how it looks and, often, they will come right out and admit it.

You're 100% right - don't waste time on those guys. Move on.

All the best to you!

5

He probably has feelings of inadequacy and is intimidated by your superior sexual prowess.

Or he's just a dumb jerk.

Maybe both.

Prolly both.

?

5

Sounds like he was trying to keep his options open. Meanwhile he's giving you mixed signals. You don't need that.

5

Some people are just ass-hats. But there are genuine people out there.

4

I am a firm believer in believing what people do over what they say. Words are easy.

From your description he is acting uninterested, I would assume no matter what he said he is uninterested or like couple of guys I shooed way wants you to be there when he has nothing else going on.

You are definitely worth more than either scenario.

4

Many people (men and women) are bad at expressing their thoughts or opinions clearly and honestly. Also, many people tend to have things they want to hide. My only advice is just remember you can't change people. At the first sign they are not being upfront and honest then move on and move on quickly. Also, trust your gut instinct on these matters. That is your subconscious mind contradicting your conscious mind trying to rationalize the other person's behavior.

They say to trust your gut, first impressions,if something seems "Off" run away.....

4

Some of us are capable of openness and honesty. Don't let the bastards grind you down.

The Internet selects for posers and shallow people.

4

Married , no doubt about it.

4

He was probably married or catfishing. He's definitely got something to hide. If a guy is truly interested, he'll do what he can to make it happen. You are better off moving on.

Absolutely!

4

He's married.

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