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How religious family members "support" you.

Ive been having a pretty rough go of it these last couple weeks and im away from my family for the first time ever.
They are religious and im an atheist. Weve discussed this, had conversation about our difference of beliefs. Its all good.

But they always try to comfort me with god. Like "don't worry, god will guide you where you need to go" "god has a plan" "praying for you"

Which i know they are trying to help, BUT its so infuriating!!!

I feel like they are rubbing religion in my face rather than actually help!? And what good is that to me? God has a plan!? There is no plan, you have to make things happen.

Rather than thinking deeper for a way to help, they just use a cop out that makes them feel better but me feel worse.

Venting for the day complete ✔

Lynn1216 4 July 21

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Nicely done ?

Saying there's a divine plan means that bad things happen for a reason, so it's somehow supposed to be a comforting thought. In my book that just means God is kind of a dick. A benevolent God, if there were any God, would have a plan that didn't involve so much meaningless pain and suffering.


I think sometimes parents have a hard time truly believing that their children are now unbelievers. I believe they continue the god savior talk believing that the child will return to the fold. chin up. it's tricky for them to see the adulting in their child.

I agree.


Accept their love while ignoring the beliefs. Love is good.

Agreed ?


You believe in facts and reality and your family believes in magic and fantasy. Congratulations you are right and they are misguided. Stay strong.


I like where you said “you have to make things happen”. In my experience when people say “god has a plan” they mean that they themselves aren’t going to help you make things happen.


If this is a rant or a vent you can do better than that, come on let it go! I do not know how your mind works but perhaps every time they say god you could think dog. That way you know something real is there that might give you some guidance. But them it just might want a good home and figures you are a good person it can adopt. I don't know when I get into a situation I do not like I try to do something funny with it. I kind of like the challenge, but sometimes I get nowhere.


It’s far easier to control yourself then it is to control other people, take it in your stride… Don’t let it bother you a bit, They are walking the walk for their chosen path, silly as it may be. Just do your thing and take as many deep breaths as you need🙂


They're trying. You can always smile sweetly and change the subject. Eventually, they'll get the message.


What's even worse is when complete strangers use these kinds of comments on you. I just say, "Let's pray! god, if you're up there, which I seriously doubt, here's a message from me to you, directly! Screw You, you son of a bitch! Amen!"

That usually sends them scattering like roaches when the light is turned on. I don't use the word "screw", though. I use the other word that seems stronger and starts with the letter F.


Everywhere I see the word "god" I substitute the words "white men" it helps to explain religious insanity a little bit. So in a very quiet and slow voice, just lean in close and explain that everyone is entitled to believe what ever they want, and you have reached a calm state of peace where all that nonsense about religion is not necessary any more. And that you've matured past it. We're not trying to convince anyone about atheism. But we won't have our liberty challanged or trampled ether.

Hey!!! As a non-insane non-religious white guy, I'd appreciate it if you mentally excluded me from that category when you do your mental substitutions. I've never had a "plan" for anybody beyond "dinner, movie, hopefully some fun later tonight."


Don't know if this helps, but I have gone through his for 70 years. Your parent's reality includes the god belief that is so deeply ingrained that it is literally impossible for them to imagine any other reality which includes their inability to imagine that you don't share what they believe. It is impossible for them.


Don't call on family members who rely on God for answers, they will only upset you by referances to God or God's will or something like that. Rely on your own intelligence and let there own lack of intelligence be part of your justification that you are doing the right thing.


It will get easier . Just ignore those comments. Just like anything else religious in this world, which is a lot of stuff!


Just do what you can to ignore their remarks, making no response to any, no reference to any and move on. You live your life without god and they live their's with god (whatever that even means). Everything they say is nothing more that a bumper sticker cliche and is meaningless.

sir I must disagree. I know plenty of Christians in my family and out. they're not empty and meaningless with regard to their religion. there is wisdom which can be learned from those books. I believe it to be the wisdom of man, and some of his vanity rather than gods. Yet I don't think someone being religious is a reason to spurn or ridicule them. Yet, with regard to the folks... I agree that the lack of Engagement is preferred on the subject matter.

@hankster Your opinion is noted as is mine.


I say something to the effect "Thanks. I'll take all the good luck I can get."

xyz123 Level 7 July 22, 2018

Its there way of saying you don't need help, a self serviing denial based coping routine that essentially explains why they won't help you, you are okay as you are.


My parents are a little like this. I try to see how I can ask for specific help from them, or tell them about things which they might be able to do real-world things that are beneficial.


Rest assured that god has a plan. I'm not sure of his plans for all those children dying of cancer but I suppose that mother Teresa is going to be a part of it. They can get to god through suffering. After all, Jesus suffered. On TV old Pat says god doesn't want these kids to grow up to be another Hitler. There sure are a lot of Hitler wannabes. God never did anything about Hitler anyway. Keep in mind that god knows everything in advance and he doesn't want even one to perish. That just makes me wonder what is the plan? What is the point?


You nailed it in your last paragraph.


I know the feeling most of my family and some of my friends are the same way. The best thing I've found for the situation is to ask them if they believe "god only helps those who help themselves" and to follow up with so what should I do to help myself right now. Usually it works. If it doesnt then it's a lost cause anyway.


"Yes, thank you! Please keep praying for me. If God is real and truly merciful, and if prayer works, he will make me come to my senses."

Then pray they eventually come to theiR senses.

Athena Level 8 July 21, 2018

I used to be puzzled that everything I "prayed" for happened. But it happened even if I didn't pray, just wished it. I also noticed that the answers had nothing to do with it being good for me or happened exactly as I envisioned, for good or bad.

So, we are our own gods. You can pray to Jesus, god or whoever but it doesn't's all YOU. So now I go ahead use my habitual religious habits to "pray" such as praying "in Jesus" name" and it happens. It also happens if I don't pray at all. You could pray in your dog's name..doesn't matter.

As physics teaches, we are co-creators of our own universe..making our own reality.
What you believe, or fear, comes to you, since your focus on it makes it manifest, for good or for bad.

“Consciousness is fundamental and matter is derived from consciousness." – Max Planck, theoretical physicist who originated quantum theory, 1918 Nobel Prize in Physics


Well, that sucks! My family's the same way - oblivious as to how unkind their kind words are. What has worked for me is to acknowledge that this is, and always will be, their approach to support during difficult times. They think I'm sad because I reject their notion of God and don't bath in his healing light, when in fact I'm doing just fine, having learned to live in and appreciate a life rooted in reality, without spiritual, nonsensical scapegoats. You're not going to fix your family, and (hopefully) they're not going to fix you. There is no solution to this dilemma, beyond recognizing how much you're willing to expose yourself to their dogma.


That is what gets me too. People always saying they pray for you, god will help, but nothing happens from that. It is only a way for them to feel better that they are in some way "helping" you but doing nothing in truth.


You do have a legitimate issue. I also come from Colorado and got one of my degrees from University of Ilinois instead of Indiana.

I just returned from a visitl with my sister in Denver. I have been an atheist for over 40 years. My sister was an indifferent Christian follower until she married my brother-law. She became a staunch Baptist. Visiting was difficult as it was expected that God ran their household. They would not even entertain the concept of atheism. It was an uncomfortable visit and it be awhile before I go back for a visit.

My point, is its not always possible to change some persons minds. Be prepared for a long adjustment period to you being an adult and you're being an atheist is an adult decision on your part. Good luck.

t1nick Level 8 July 21, 2018

Yesss you understand the midwest bible belt mentality!

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