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Time Sensitive!
I need some advice!

I met a cute guy on Wednesday who seemed into me. I sent him an email asking if he wanted to go out with me on Sunday, my birthday. I received a limp answer 2 days later. Today I sent another email asking if he could tell me something definite. Still no answer. My birthday started 2 hours ago, and it will still be when I wake up Sunday morning.

Should I ...

  • 2 votes
  • 173 votes
Meta-Jen 4 July 29
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58 comments

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8

Make other plans. If he can't be bothered to answer in a timely manner, you
have your answer.
Go out with friends. You might actually meet another cute guy while you're
out. You never know.
Happy Birthday.

8

If you just met, that's too "relationship-like" and probably scared him off. Birthdays and holidays shouldn't be shared unless or until you've become exclusive.

THANK YOU Gina. You said it much more politely than I was about to.

Or in a much more casual setting like “We’ll all be the Cantina-stop by for a drink if you feel like it.”

@Meta-Jen Sometimes the insistence that it's casual is seen as obfuscation. Just the fact of it being your birthday already set expectations in his mind. His avoidance is more positive, actually, because it means there's some probability that he really does like you but wants plausible deniability over this occasion. He can say he got really busy, his phone was dropped in the toilet, a grandparent died... and pick up where you left off without the awkwardness of an "occasion" hanging over your heads.

@Meta-Jen I'm going to have to refer back to Ginas answer again.
NO ONE has a casual, which you didn't mention here, date on a significant date to you or them.

A casual date night is on a Tuesday night at the bowling ally with beer and burgers or coffee on a Thursday afternoon at the local cafe. It should stand alone as a new meaningful date not related to something else.
Did you tell him it was your birthday? Why? We're you expecting a present other than a free meal and drinks?
As a guy that's what I'm hearing. As your date if I don't bring you a present I'm a dick. If I do bring you a present and you don't like it I'm a dick. If I bring you a present that you love did I just buy or barter something which also makes me a dick. Am I expected to bring you gifts every day because that's how our relationship started out?

Hey Jen how did you and Tom meet?
It was on my birthday and he...

This makes the date and meaning of the meeting all about you and whether or not Tom lived up to your expectations of how you should be treated because it was your birthday.

This is a red flag and a NO win situation for poor old Tom.

In my bio I use the word 'mature' women. A mature woman wouldn't say it was her birthday even if it was. Its only a casual date.

My dates aren't that casual in the first place because I ask questions that make most women very uncomfortable but if you read my answers to other questions here you'll already know I'm not looking for most women. Just one exceptional one and most women aren't that.

Ps. Happy Birthday!

6

Hmmm, I'm going to approach this from a different angle (I'm a bit of a romantic). If a woman that I'd recently met asked me to take her out on her birthday, I would be flattered, not offended or troubled. It would be a chance to knock it out of the ballpark as far as a first date impression goes. So don't second guess yourself for the birthday invite, I don't really think that it's relevant. It is, however, not polite to string a woman along knowing that she probably won't be able to make alternate plans in time. So I'm leaning towards flake. Happy Birthday 🙂

5

Make other plans. This is where women don't get the message. When I'm into a girl I don't miss q chance to date her.

@Meta-Jen exactly. I don't understand guys like this. This is why I date one girl at a time. You give her your undivided attention.

5

Geesh...when he didn't answer for two days...that should have been a clue...

Move on. He's NOT into you.

5

I would not ask someone for a first date for my birthday. He might feel a bit overwhelmed and rushed. He might think that he hardly knows you and would I be expected to bring a gift? A cake? Is her friends and family coming? A little to intimate for a first date. It sounds like his reply was trying to let you down easy. I would just forget about it and have fun by yourself.

5

Happy birthday ? Agree with others go for a drive or a hike somewhere you feel you deserve to be and unavailable if/when he manages to get away from the wife.

Salo Level 7 July 29, 2018

@Meta-Jen it's a maybe. But when someone doesn't communicate I believe that's our cue to assume whatever we want 🙂

4

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ????......Fuck him! That's just mean.

4

First off don't make plans with a guy you just met for your birthday. Did you tell him it's your birthday? If you did he's probably ghosting you because of that. He should have the balls to tell you but most people don't so there's no surprise.

Secondly if you didn't tell him it's your birthday he may just be busy. Odds are he's avoiding you because you two aren't a good match but it happens. Move on to the next and see if it goes better. If he wants to talk he'll reach out.

4

I may not be the person to give advice or take advice from but I give it two goes. One to say hey and what not and another to make sure they got the first. If nothing moves forward from there, I’m done wasting my time. Anyway, whatever happens I hope you have a great birthday.

4

If he wants you in his life he will make the effort. SEE him for the POS he was.

4

Happy Birthday. The first response/non-response is the true indicator of interest. Make your plans and enjoy your day and don't accept lame excuses, you are worth more than that. Take care and have lots of fun and laughter on your special day. 🙂

Betty Level 8 July 29, 2018
4

I can't really be the ONLY one who might think hitting someone new (who you've not gone out with, yet) with something as intimate as your burthday celebration might have felt a bit caged, can I? I wonder, had you asked him to join you in a casual cup of coffee, if things might have gone differently. He might have thought that you were fishing for gifts.

Zster Level 8 July 29, 2018

@Meta-Jen Yikes! Not a great option, either! (;

4

With the "limp" response, that would have been it for me. I'd have made my plans & he could go hang.

Don't get me wrong, if he'd have come back later with a warmer response, great, these are my plans, if he wanted in, he could come along.

I used to be accommodating to men because thats how I was raised. Then, I grew up & embraced the following (my own personal credo may not duit others):

I am not hurting for sex partners. I can catch a dick any time I please. I'm looking for more. If he isn't, the door swings both ways.

What he has to pay for, I can give away for free.

I'm living life & not apologizing for doing it, on my own terms. Being part of a couple does not, in any way, increase my personal value. Nor does being alone decrease my value.

When my feet hit the floor every morning, if there were a devil, i'd want him cringing & whining, "she's up".

I've been told men like to be needed. I'd hope that the men in my life understand I do need them, just not to rescue me or pay my bills or anything else of that nature. If I need help, I ask. I need them to be a friend & companion, not my own personal banker...we'll negotiate everything else.

4

Happy birthday! It's your day, make it about you.

3

He seems (to me) like an insensitive shit, I would move on. Do something you love and don't give him another thought.

3

Never chase a guy. It'll only end in frustration for both parties.

It’s good to change the patrichical rule that woman are objects to be won my men. More woman should go after what they like then be chase by the fuckboys and perverts that are good at playing the game but don’t stick around. The problem is woman get too attached and need to move one...precisely bc there is no one teaching woman how to date...that’s how u get in trouble...for to read and learn how to date smart to reduce heart breaks.

@burlavv I've learned though that if a guy wants to hang out with you, he will let you know. He won't be wishy-washy or vague.

3

His loss! No need hanging around for him. Grab or friend or it with yourself as company. Go on a walk, to a museum, movie, or whatever you enjoy. Know that you are awesome and happy birthday!

3

Happy birthday!

FLUSH the toilet and visualize him swirling down the drain.

3

Make other plans, enjoy your birthday... Your joy needs to exist independent of the actions of others. Sounds like at this point if he is interested he knows how to contact you and if he’s not your better off.

3

You're wasting your time with this dude move on

Oh and by the way a happy birthday to you and many more

3

At this point he seems to have missed his chance, I would say do something for yourself, and Happy Birthday

3

Don't let him steal your happiness, it's your birthday!! Enjoy it to the fullest, it's his loss!

3

Enjoy your birthday. Happy birthday by the way.

2

Let em go

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