Agnostic.com

47 7

My mother wants to take my daughter to church every sunday. It makes her feel good and my daughter has fun in the Sunday School. But I feel like it's brainwashing child abuse. I also feel like if you are going to brainwash somebody that you would do it when they're very young, so am I allowing my daughter to be brainwashed by letting her go? I've stopped letting her go recently and it is upsetting my mother. But should I be forced to allow my daughter to do something just to make my mother feel more comfortable in her beliefs?

Rawreality 4 Aug 4
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

47 comments (26 - 47)

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

It difficult to comment as I don't know your environment and pressures of religious adherence but...

Sunday school can be fun for kids and it isn't a slippery slope into the religious abyss. I would suspect you'll teach your daughter how to think, rather than what to think, and as such her abilities to think critically will develope and she'll reach her own conclusions, probably similar to your own.

1

I took my son to church when he was about four years old for about six months to appease my Mom. She had a deep, fulfilling relationship with her small Presbyterian church, and for a while, Max was happy. But once the church members realized that (a) I was single and liked it, 🍺 I wouldn't tolerate the child abuser who stood at the sanctuary entrance every Sunday and felt up all the women as a "greeter," ☕ Max was mixed race and not "adopted" - then he was slowly ostracized and shamed for being who he was, and for who I am. Fit in or shut up - and that is a powerful brainwashing technique for a child. All of the lessons, the social pressures and habits force conformity. It's so antithetical to what the historic Jesus was all about - a homeless brown Jewish man who wandered the Palestinian countryside with a bunch of other guys and a single woman.

Anyhow, my son still remembers the ostracism and hypocrisy, and that was the legacy of taking him to church. You've made a good choice. Your Mom, like mine, will come to understand. Or she won't. But don't let that stop you. You are right.

1

No, no one should be able to "force" you to teach your child one thing or another.

However!! Like most things in life, she will be exposed to it at one time or another. Wouldn't it be better to be able to talk with her about it and offer useful ways to think about these and other things rather than trying to keep her in a plastic bubble and avoid exposure to them??

1

The churches want to start their attempts to sway a persons beliefs as soon as possible. Kids do not have the ability to distinguish real from not real. In addition are being presented with views from "Authoritarian" figures and are more likely to accept what evere they are told. A lot of times there is some coercian by forcing the children to go to church regardless of their preferences.

The young lady is your child and you have the choice and right to raise her the best you can per your perceptions of what is right.

Kids should bot be forced to any church and should not be introduces to religious teachings untill they are capable of reason and logic. That's my opinion.

1

Is she your daughter or your mother's daughter?.... That's all I have to say

1

Some people never buy in to superstition, no matter how young they are when the indoctrination efforts begin. You could help insure that your daughter is inoculated against the religion pathogen by countering ever Sunday school lesson with a lesson on science. Take her to the natural history museum and show her the Dinosaur skeletons. Point out the inconsistencies in the religious stories. Teach her that people invent lots of fiction, tell lots of untruths, and participate in mass delusion. It will only make her stronger.

1

Plenty of other places she can take her soft play areas , the park , swimming pools . It should be about the time spent with her and noy where it is .

1

I'm with you. My mother in law took my children to summer vacation church without my knowledge;reminds me of the scene in All in the Family when Archy Bunker Baptises the baby. My mother in law told my daughter she would go to hell if she didn't believe in god. This at the age of 7. Imagine a 7 yo trying to process all that. Fortunately my daughter is a healthy apparently unscathed adult at 37.

IMO you tell your mother you are in control and her getting upset is on her, not you. Be sane to your daughter.

1

I agree with everything here that other people said. I would add that if I were in your shoes, not only would I put my mother on pause, I would come up with fun adventures/outdoor activities to do with my daughter on Sunday so that she would not have the desire to go to church.

1

You are the father, that means you have the responsibility to take care of her, not your mother. The only thing that matters here if your daughter really wants to go there. Then I would suggest you let her but also talk about what she learns there. Teach her to reflect on the things that are said and teach her to have doubts. You can't keep her from having contact with religion at all.
The age and level of maturity matters, of course. Is she younger than let's say six? Don't let her go, because she might not be able to reflect yet.

Dietl Level 7 Aug 4, 2018
0

Could your Mother pick her up after Church and spend a few special hours with her?

0

My father forced my sisters and me to go to Sunday school for years to appease his mother. It was fun sometimes but the older people in the church used to always tell me to bring my parents next week. For years I felt guilty that it was my fault that my parents were going to go to hell.

0

I think bringing up children is quite tricky, the best you can hope to do is encourage their enthusiasms and skills and hope not to fuck things up too badly. You’re inevitably going to pass on some of your attitudes and hangups but if you do so with enough compassion, kindness and love then it might turn out ok. I think that includes not letting kids go to church until they are old enough to decide for themselves.

0

Thankyou all for your feed back. It has been so helpful. I will keep you updated on what i decide to. Do if anything. But for now im gonna hold off on letting her go until i have had a talk with her.

0

Uh, she's YOUR daughter. Do what you want.

0

Nope. Your daughter. Your wishes not your mothers. Gave my daughter her Hebrew name in their temple to make them happy. My daughter was 2.5 lbs at birth and was in hospital for over 3 months. It stopped there. No Sunday School.

0

She is your child. I would in advance book that time with your kid to do something like dance and ice-cream. Tell your mom she is invited. Just block that time so your mum’s choice is consistently the unattractive choice. Church cannot compete with ive-cream in the park with some friends or a water park.
When you spend time with your child, speak to her about what she sees in church and get her thinking. “Do they take money at church?” “Even if people are elderly or poor?” Hmmm. What do you think they do with that money? Ok, next time honey, try to look out for which car belongs to the preacher? What clothes is he wearing? Do you think they are more or less expensive than his congregation? “Do you go to church and look after homeless or sick people? “Why not?” Hmmm.
Open your child’s eyes to the corruption.

Livia Level 6 Aug 4, 2018
0

I agree that it's brainwashing and abusive. However, depending on her age, maybe ask your daughter what she thinks, too. Is it about spending time with her grandmother? Has she made friends there? Batting a kid back and forth without their input over ideologies breeds resentment.

0
  1. If you feel forced, don't do it. Guilt shouldn't be a reason to take any action.
  2. If you teach your daughter to think critically, things will likely take care of themselves as far as the fear of brainwashing goes... After all .. I think it's nice for kids to believe in santa.. and fairy godmothers... And super heroes... And then they realise as they grow older that these are all just comforting fantasies... Like God. 😉
0

I was brainwashed as a child, and it took me decades to grow out of it. Still, I sometimes attend churches for the sake of friends and family. It does me no harm, because I know it is myth. In fact, it gives me something to laugh about when I get home.

If you would please your mother and allow your daughter to attend church, be sure your daughter understands that it's just a game people play. They treat myths as if they were reality, but they are really fictitious. There are some good lessons to be learned from the myths, just as there are good lessons to be learned from Aesop's Fables.

If it were me, I would only pull my daughter out if I see that she is falling for blind faith and discarding reason. As long as she understands the mythical nature of religion, I would allow her to fellowship with her grandmother and others. I would leave the choice up to her whether to continue playing the game or not. It should not be grandma's choice, but the daughter's.

Of course, this is only my opinion. Take it or leave it as you will. 🙂

0

I’m in a similar situation, except it’s my idiotic ex in-laws that are doing the brain washing and taking my son to church. Thankfully he hates it! ?

I have no control over it as that’s my ex time. But I make sure I discuss the ideas they put in his head and offer him perspective on those lies.

If you can, I’d avoid it. It’s child abuse.

0

I agree that religious indoctrination is brainwashing. I've seen the effect it's had in my nephews, and that sickens me, because they really won't have a fair shake of reasoning their way through it.

This said, I don't think there is anything wrong with letting your daughter go to Sunday school to get that information. While the specific stories and legends told are largely inaccurate, many of the morals she'll hear in Sunday school won't be so bad. Plus, this would give you a great opportunity to have discussions with your daughter and what you think and how you've gotten to those conclusions.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:147682
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.