On the one hand extremes of 'Honoring' can lead to Honor Killings. On the other hand one can earn the right to be honored as some of the post above do show, but automatic assumption that one deserves to be honored is damaging.

Both are one in the same.
IMHO

Honor no-one, seek to understand everyone (including oneself) ?

I have tried for years and cannot seem to do either from their perspective. I have made peace with being polite and responsive; it's all I can offer them.

If I remember right, the commandment said something like 'honour your parents so that you will live long on the land'. I think it meant your parents would get to live longer because you would help them, and then your children would do the same for you. But it would be daft to think all parents merit honour by their family position. Not enough counsellors advise children to get away from their toxic parents.

Both my parents passed away in 2008..as soon as one died, the other one did also.

I honored them because I was very religious then, but they were gaslighters and emotionally abusive. However they mostly just left me alone, and I was provided for, so it wasn't too bad.

To Understand is healthier, especially for your own piece of mind. Like everyone, all parents are imperfect beings. As their children, we run the gauntlet, so to speak, of honor and love to anger and hate, and all can be mixed in one package.

When it comes to parental units, I hit a massive winning lottery. I never, ever forget that; especially when I hear my friends talk about their dysfunctional families.

I honor my mother because she is worthy of being honored. She is an excellent person who taught me to be kind to others and true to myself. I wouldn't honor her if she wasn't worthy.
I try to understand my mother [whatever that means] inasmuch as one person can understand someone other than themselves. She tries to understand me in much the same manner. I think we do a fairly good job of winging it.

Neither - I left home at 15 years old ,mother mainly manic, father war damaged, brother 8 yrs older & innaccessible ,- I fail to see how I could honour the abusive parents I was stuck with - Leaving was the best thing I ever did as my manic mother always was sparring for, a fight, a real one. it was a terrifying existence till I got a job and got out. What would there be to honour in all of that?

My parents have died and I am now left an orphan. I remember them with pleasure, and I value the sacrifices they made on my behalf. They were just people—I honor them as I honor everyone.

I’ll never fully understand them. I don’t even understand myself. I can see how their experiences might have caused their personal characteristics.

I am smarter than my parents (and my dad) so understanding them comes without effort. I am currently taking care of my mother as her dementia progresses so my intelligence does me no good.

Both are equally important. Although I care for and love other people, my parents are the only two people I will ever, or have ever worried about on another level. I have always felt compelled to protect them in any way. Especially as they get/got older. My father was always able to handle himself against others, but even as he got older it was harder on his body. He used to be a power lifter and would smack the crap out of someone if he had to whether it was in defense of himself or his family. He passed away 4 and a half years ago. My mother is a firecracker, but obviously less powerful than a power lifter lol. She's going to be 69 and I would kill someone to protect her if I had to. I've always struggled with wanting more for them and protecting them. When I say struggle, I mean that I have understood them and their lives (to the best I can) and have always wanted to absorb any hardships they might have or ever had. So yeah, both are equally important.

Mine are , "no longer with us ."

understand it can help you sort out issues i never understood my mothers distance until i was 26 and found out she had been raped and got pregnant then had to give up my older brother her sadness immediately made sense everyone goes through some trauma without knowledge we make assumptions and we are all the heroes in our own life story

There are some people in this world who should never have children.
My parents were two of them.
I do not "honor" them, at all.
As far as understanding goes, I have a little bit of insight regarding my mother.
She died in 2003, and I didn't learn of it until 2012. No one told me.
She was a complex network of flaws. We hadn't spoken since 2002.
I don't miss her.
My father, still living, is not much different. We rarely speak. He's extremely self-centered and doesn't have much time for anyone who isn't doing something
for him. Including his children.
That's fine. I leave him to do whatever he does.
I might hear about it when he dies. I might not.

I loved my parents and respected them for who they were, but I did not try to make them something they were not. I understood the circumstances that made them what they were,which helped me to understand them as people. As I grew up with the benefit of a college education and exposure to another culture, many of my beliefs and attitudes were different from theirs. I never belittled them.