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It goes without saying you can't change the past . But did you have something beautiful in your life that you messed up or messed you up and you wish you could go back? We have all made mistakes in our lives. I've made many many mistakes. So here's my question. In your past if there's someone that you wish you could go back and be with would you? Me? Yes my first wife! But I was young wild had no self respect or love for myself. She was a beautiful loving spirited woman. There's more to this story which I don't want to get into it.. theres very hurtful things I did that and I realize I can't change...the past is the past so they say . But that doesn't change things. People say don't live on regrets but thats easier said than done. So do you have a past that you wish you could go back and change?have another chance?another opportunity? Or to be with someone who was special in your life at that time?

HardBlues69 7 Sep 5

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23 comments

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9

Nope. I'm happier now than I've ever been.

8

For me it’s the opposite of that. I wish I hadn’t been with some I had relationships with. But I really regret nothing. I can’t fix those mistakes; all I can do is learn from them and move on.

6

I followed the rules . And if I could do it over again . I would not have married .

5

NO. It's absolutely pointless to dwell on such things. Learn from whatever mistakes you've made, and move on.
Regret, guilt, and recrimination are all complete wastes of time.
The past is the past. Leave it there.

4

"I refuse to live another day in regret and remorse," I wrote in my journal at age 24. Flying home from my father's funeral, I reflected on what I learned from his untimely death.

Immediately left my abusive first husband, a medical doctor. Got a divorce. Began counseling to help me recover from the pain from loving a man who physically hurt me.

When I feel hurt, I listen to the kernel of truth, learn from it, and let the bad feelings go.

"I wouldn't know a grudge if it mugged me," I wrote in my profile.

Holding onto grudges and regrets only hurts the grudge-holder.

3

While it would be nice if I could go back 20 years and UN-meet the husband I divorced this past year, overall, I wouldn't really change any part of my past. It made me what I am right now. And if I may toot my own horn, I'm a pretty cool person today.

Deb57 Level 8 Sep 5, 2018
3

I don't dwell on the past, as much as possible. I'm sure I could have made many different decisions and changed where I am today: it would neither be good nor bad because I wouldn't have known. I have had hardships along the way, but life has held for me many interesting encounters. Many good and not so good memories, but they are mine. I don't regret the choices I made in a different time. I have matured and still have decisions to make. I have a girlfriend after 7 years of simply being by myself. She is a great, good woman I met here, very intelligent. So, life still has surprise moments to offer.

3

I have an ex spouse that regrets cheating and all he has lost. But I could never take him back. I wished I could and I tried. But I could never trust him again.

Bravo . When trust is gone , is gone .

@SukiSue

Well done.

"I could never trust you again," I told my first boyfriend who betrayed me.

I had walked in on Dave and my best friend, Laura, naked and going at it like bunnies on our living room floor.

3

No, I do not ever wish that I could go back and correct my mistakes. I know that is impossible. All I can do is learn from my mistakes and try not to repeat them.Do I regret serious mistakes? Yes.

3

Same as you. I've been married twice, but my first marriage probably would have been different if I had known then what I know now. When you are young, you let your emotions take over easily. I do not regret it though. Out of my 2 marriages, I got 5 beautiful kids. Three gorgeous girls and 2 handsome boys.

3

I consumed the past... I can't go back to what was digested. Sorry.

2

Nope. Others messed things up with me and likely have regrets, but my only mistake was in believing in them at the time, when they proved beyond a shadow of a doubt it wasn't a good thing, at that time. Maybe the best is still yet to come, who knows.

Not good living with regrets. We do what we do for whatever reasons. It's the real us at that time, we need to learn things from our experiences, which hopefully we can adapt to new and/or better situations, when and if we recognize them. Sometimes it's best to be thankful for the good memories, and let the bad ones go. Enjoy life in the present.

2

Nope

1

If I could go back I would choose not to be with my first husband. I'm not sure I will ever fully recover from that relationship. My screwed up religious beliefs led me to marry him and then stay with him, even after he was seriously abusive. I had a promising life before my marriage and now I'm trying to scrape myself together again.

1

"If only" ruminations are pointless. Despite a lot of things I'd rather not have experienced, those experiences gave me my [grand]children, my present wife, and other people and situations that I cannot imagine life without.

While I can see some clear benefits and missed harms from making strategic changes to my past, I certainly can't see everything, and it's clear that there would just have been different mistakes, disappointments, and frustrations.

I think many of us suffer from the delusion that there was some perfectly threaded course through life that would have made it idyllic. In reality, we'd just find different ways to screw our lives up. All of us figure out life (to the extent we do so at all) too late to live it optimally. That's the essential problem with life: we make way too many portentous decisions when we are young, inexperienced, and hormone-crazed; these decisions limit and burden us; eventually when it's all over but the shouting we kind of half-assed figure out how reality actually works. And then the young cannot hear our warnings. It'd be crazy-making if I let it be.

Well said!

1

Not at all . My mistakes served their purpose . I evolved and keep evolving . I did things " my way" in life . Very few regrets and visiting leftovers is a way to eat pizza . Not life . I wasn't the smartest always , not even often !, and I wasn't the best always . But see if I care ... I was Me . My ways . I was brave and I was chickenshit . And every risk or mistake that came out of ea behavior made me the person that sits here right now , w frozen coffee , two lovely dogs , few good friends , and ALIVE . That's plenty for me .

1

I have one that if it could have ended better. Like you say you can't undo the already done.

1

"As their relationships progress, Logicians’ daily needs prove remarkably simple. Gifts, surprises, complex social plans and date nights are all fairly unimportant to people with the Logician personality type, but this is also one of their chiefest weaknesses – their partner may very much need these things, and it won’t even occur to Logicians to plan them out. For all their analysis and attempts at mutual understanding, Logicians are notoriously bad at picking up on others’ emotional needs."

That paragraph describes the one only thing about which my wife and I ever really fought for sixteen years. We went in cycles. We'd fight about it, I'd spend a few weeks or a month working really hard to correct the issue, but I'd inevitably relapse in to my old ways because the effort required to combat my own nature is unsustainable. Many times we tried to meet halfway but halfway was not enough for her and too much for me.

That's probably why now, after two years of separation, she's actually dating someone and I'm just here looking for intellectual stimulation.

I don't actually regret my nature but sometimes when I'm down I do irrationally wish things [ I ] had been different.

1

I'd have to say yes but the dimensional stabilizer is malfunctioning on the old type 40?

1

No I think I made mistakes with others and others made mistakes with me and its pretty equal i am loving my life as it is feeling moe capacitous than ever I ma in otuch with some of my exes and they are all having good lives too so win win.

0

I can't go to "what if's." At one time I did, because I didn't understand the things I went through. But I see now that they brought me where I am today -- both the good and the bad, and what I did or didn't do that I regretted. In retrospect, I made the choices I did because of where I was in my life and what I knew at the time. If I had known better, would I have done differently? I don't know and I don't have to know. All I know is, do what I can in the present and the future will take care of itself.

0

I wasted many years on a mistake, but I'm not sure had I made a different decision, that it would have made that much of a difference.

0

It's a legitimate question, but you gotta consider what would've happened on the alternate timeline: good people who you likely would not have met, nasty people who you would have otherwise avoided, other mistakes you would have made instead, strengths you would never develop, weaknesses that might not otherwise have persisted. It's an interesting thought experiment, ultimately it can only cause you self doubt. You live your life, you take the chances, you get some stuff right, you screw other things up, it's human existence. There are no do overs, and ya know, I'm cool with that. ?

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