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Have you ever felt so completely out of your depth, tried to think of the people there to support you and realised you are the only one? God people can sit on their vicar's knee (so to speak). I only have me. There is my partner, my ex hubby, my Dad, my brother, my adult children, my students and my colleagues to take care of. No one ever tells me someone will love me...not complaining..how the f do you cope?

Amisja 8 Sep 7
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0

I don't cope very well at all. Sorry I'm no help. I just try to stay busy. Good luck!

Carin Level 8 Sep 14, 2018
1

Some days are worse than others. My puppy helps ?! I have a lot of people (friends) who call when they need my help with something (frequently), but I rarely hear from otherwise. I am the guy many need, no one wants or cares what I need. I have gotten better at just accepting that and derive satisfaction knowing I can help them out. Love for some of us is just not meant to be.

Hugs xxx

2

I've always known I'm the one person I can depend on fully. Sometimes there's others - but I don't know how supportive they would be in a real situation ?

One day at a time. Find oy when I can. Try and see the good side. Or retreat and hide away a while if things get too nasty.

3

As sad as reality is, we came into this world alone and we will depart alone as well. Even if there is someone holding our hand while we take our last breath, we will depart anyway. That's how I cope with it, knowing there is nothing I can do gives me peace.

2

First of all, "God people?" hahaha. That's a new one for me.

Why are you taking care of so many people, particularly your ex-husband and colleagues? Like many people have said before me on here, you got to take care of yourself first. If you can't take care of yourself, eventually, you won't be able to take care of anyone else.

Does your partner not say he/she loves you? Does your dad, brother, and children not say they love you? You are loved by your friends and family, even if they don't say or show it all the time.

Do little (or big) things for yourself to cope with isolation. I listen to music, put together jigsaw puzzles, play video games, go watch a movie at the theater, and/or try to go somewhere new to hike. Find something you like to do, then "just do it" (registered trademark of Nike)

Here's celebrity, Shia LaBeouf, to help motivate you.

My background is nursing and being a Mum. I lecture now at university (oh and still work one shift a week in practice). I am not sure why I ended up with all these caring roles, I just did. I wasn't really complaining about that, I do care for all these people, its just sometimes it just feels too much. How do I find time let alone anything else? The support I provide my ex is mostly financial (hence the two jobs) and my colleagues tends to be sewing or fitting in extra teaching when they are busy. My adult children just need money and for me to listen to what dreadful childhoods they had (they didn't) my partner is a lovely kind caring man but lives in a bit of a muddle. My Dad is older but I have to help him with practical things and my brother is disabled. Actually its the students who pushed me over. All adults, most are 30 years+ and so needy its unreal! I don't like being a moaner, I am fortunate in so many ways.

@Amisja definitely phone off for students at weekend. And tell people that the sewing will have to wait. I sympathise about your dad, as we have Pappy living down the road from us and it is getting more important that we keep an eye on him as he has been told he may have to stop driving soon and has finally accepted that he needs a cane as well. But you current partner? Big enough and ugly enough.....?

@Amisja ps.....you probably live with a Jude Law lookalike, so don't take it personally that I implied your partner looks like the back of a bus ?

3

Full disclosure, I'm usually the support. It makes me feel like I matter when I am there for my family and friends. Sometimes I'm not enough and as I get older I find my energy isn't always the best but I still get more out of helping others than letting someone else help me. I'm never down if I can help someone else solve a problem or help out in a difficult situation.

1

My atheism is accepted or tolerated by most of my family and acquaintances. What alienates me from others is my vehement opposition to the cruel, oppressive, theocratic, totalitarian, treasonous political ideology emanating from Mecca and Medina. It confuses me that so many are in denial of the danger and objectives of that ideology.

2

Not easy! The loneliness is unpleasant and shortens life. I feel like I'm trudging on most days with no good reason for it.

2

Im sorry. I'm feeling quite overwhelmed and isolated today myself too. My parents are about as helpless as I am, my sister loves me but she's a long way away, no kids or partner, just me and the cobwebs for now. Also im almost out of herb (the only medicine that keeps me from clinical depression) and ive got poison ivy rashes all over, including eyes lips and my junk. So if you needed someone to feel grateful in comparison to, theres that. : l

Awww hugs xx

@Amisja i look like ive been pepper sprayed lol. Ive got a nice jewelweed alcohol tincture mixed with some itch cream for it though, its startin to clear up but unfortunately that means the rash dries up and starts burning instead of itching. Oh well i can only assume someone with poison oak up their ass crack has it worse than either of us so there's also that. ?

@Wurlitzer ouch.....just made my life look like an idyll of calm! Hope it eases off soon for you.?

2

I don't feel of my depth and I don't feel lonely but I am alone. I have my daughter that I see (11 years old) and a daughter I don't (15 years old), courtesy of my ex, I have friends, good friends, and a brother who I get on well with, I also have colleagues at work I get on well with and my work involves learning disabled adults who rely on me but I have no one I would confide my feelings with, at least not a confidante. I make all decisions by myself and have only my own sense, intelligence, intellect and intuition to problem solve.
It is what it is, I make the best of it, I cope because I do, it's just the way I am.

5

It sounds like you are the go to person. That makes you an amazing person.

Now go and look in the mirror and start practicing say NO. Saying NO does not make you a bad person.

There will be people who genuinely need your help and there are those who can do it for themselves (but will ask you anyway because they know that you will do it)........the key is being able to recognize that.

You are a strong person so be that strong person for YOU!
........and by the way it is okay to complain. 😀

2

@linxminx, great post.
Sometimes tough love is the hardest thing to dole out, because it is so much easier to fix things yourself. But you have to step back. My mother, the wisest woman I know, has a great phrase "you're old enough and ugly enough by now...". It means cute and helpless won't help you now, get on with it.
Last week my 19 year old son finally admitted.....he had nowhere to stay when he returns to uni' next week. This summer he forbade me to do the residence search as last years was 'crap' (actually a great little studio his twin sister approved of) and he was going to look for his own gaff. Ok. I went to work and left him to it. Apparently he started looking four weeks ago, and, surprise surprise, there are no apartments left. ?
Or precious few. Won't co habit and kind of looked at me with spaniel eyes. So I told him he wil have to couch surf for the next couple of weeks and start looking the minute he gets there on Monday.
He was a little shocked, I think he expected me to swoop down and Airbnb him, or start ringing agencies. At the moment I have neither time nor energy, having already done the drive down and back last week to sign the parental authority things (had to be done in person)
Yes, deep down I want to rescue him......but I know he will be on the ball next year.

Tilia Level 7 Sep 8, 2018
2

Sounds like you really need some alone time . Time to take deep breaths, listen to the quiet, read a book in peace, look at the stars. If you have an appointment book, make a date with yourself and follow through. Go to a spa, take a walk in nature, whatever you feel would relax you. Don't forget to turn the phone off.

1

First and always love, like and respect yourself. It is all you have. Even if you (think you) have someone, you don't really. It is you that has to internalize it. So skip the external step and do so. Granted it is not easy.

2

It sounds like you havbe reached the existential dilemma -- realizing that we are ultimately alone in the universe and that no one will ever really understand us fully or know us for who we really are. Hang in there, you can work through it and make connections with people in spite of it.

2

This post sounded so much more pitiful than was intended. Certainly not meant as a 'woe is me'. I just got an email from a student at 10pm with alsorts of personal problems. She ended her email with 'I bet you are missing us' (they are all out of clinical placement). It really hit home, like all these people really believe I live for their benefit. My Dad calls me in the middle of work with demands, my sons constantly need something. My partner just lives in a world of muddles and I am pushed from pillar to post. My brother has an aquired brain injury so he is the only one who really needs help. Colleagues turn up with dress making disasters and ask for me to repair stuff. (I'll get you a bottle of wine Jayne!) I agree with Tillia we all need to down tools, its just so hard sometimes. I thought I needed a prince Charming to take me away from all this but what I actually need is a 30 hour day, four brains and eight arms!

You'll end up looking like one of those Hindu goddesses !!!?

1

My immediate reaction was to be flippant, and hopefully humorous, by suggesting you can sit on my knee ?. But really i have to ask why on earth you think you are responsible for the well-being of all those people!!?? (Esp the adults!). Support, yes. Take care of? Definitely not!

Thank you for the knee offer but I'd probably crush you

2

Good stand up comedy helps. Laughing makes it all better for a moment.

On a less together note, alcohol.

1

Oh sweetheart, you are taking on far too much. More than is possible for any single person. Yes, I agree it sometimes feels like you are the fulcrum that is holding all these orbiting bodies in place. Sometimes you have got to say "Stop."
Who can you let go for now, literally today? Your sons, perhaps, definitely your colleagues and students.
Your dad and brother are more needy, but can your partner give you a bit of a break.....take you out for a coffee, let you go for a long walk and take the phone calls for you?
As atheists, and I know the feeling, we are responsible for ourselves. And that can be shit hard at times, but it also means grabbing our own time and owning it. Right now I am in bed, I should be going around to a neighbor I said I would help this morning. But after a week of nights, ten hours driving my son around to look at apartments, and sitting on a phone trying to get parts for a broken car all week, I woke this morning with excruciating back ache and I said 'No.' I could work through it, but I am backing off for now and loving myself. My body is pleading for a bit of down time.....so I'm giving it some.
Go and walk in a woodland, breathe easy and remember - we all think you are fantastic !

Tilia Level 7 Sep 8, 2018

Hugs.

2

To be honest, Citalopram. And hoping that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't an incoming train.

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