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So my boyfriend and I who have been dating for about a year moved in together and the other night we were on the phone with my mom and she says to us “you guys have to right by god and get married, if you’re going to be living together” it really frustrates me because I try hardest to not bring up religion whatsoever in my family who are “god fearing” people. My boyfriend and I felt like we were put in a corner.

Ashxoleyxo 5 Sep 10
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11 comments

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0

You've had some good advice here. I hope it helped. She probably won't stop, of course, because she's your mom and she's obviously religious, etc. But you are an adult (!) and you're entitled to your decisions.

Marriage is hard enough if you two have made that decision independently, let alone how genuinely HELLISH it can be if you did it for the wrong reasons.

Keep smiling...remind her that this is probably the second most important decision you'll ever make (right after "Do we want a child?" ) and it's YOURS. Not hers! Good luck to you!

1

I say as someone who is divorced, if you truly love each other, don't get married. 😉

I'm sure your mom will keep bugging you. And I'm sure it will be annoying. But the bottom line for parents is to see their kids happy. So despite her beliefs, I'm sure she'll accept your decision as long as she can see that you're both happy.

1

There's really no way to answer that, but it might help to say, "God and I talked about it, and we both felt this was best..." Don't give her the "moral high ground" because it isn't hers anyway.

2

My Jewish parents did that to me too. We were living together with my girlfriend and were pushed into getting married. My mom is now 90. She knows she can't push me and Dan this time. Marriage is for havingchildren.

Thank you for your reply!

2

there is no way to change folks who think that way. all you can do is shrug it off with as much benevolence as you can muster, unless you can "get away with" (it depends on your relationship with your mother) asking her not to bring it up anymore. "that is not how we see it" may or may not work, but don't let her displeasure knock you down.

g

I like that idea, thank you for the encouragement.

1

You can give a non commital answer. Like, I know you feel that way Mom. End of discussion.

1

For the love of all that is logical - please don't get married because you feel pressure from your Mom !

I'm sure she means well, but you may have to lovingly let her know that her feelings are not yours.

I agree completely!!

1

I think religious parents say that because they are afraid of being judged by their church friends for having a child living in "sin."

My sister was very judgmental until her own daughter moved in with her fiance.

I think so too!! That’s sad

3

I'm sorry to hear this! Smile sweetly and go on about your business. "Mom...we'll be married when and if the time is right. Want some more salad?"

“Want some more salad” haha.

5

At some point you have to live your life the way you want to regardless of what others think you have to be true to yourself first

True!!

3

I would ask your mum to get God in on a conference call so he can tell you himself what he wants, rather than play Chinese whispers. If God does not have the good manners to talk to you in person, then he is not someone polite enough to be worth taking marital advice from.

I love this so much lol!!

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