As a child, were you forced to hug/kiss relatives or friends when you didn't want to? If you are a parent, do you force your children to hug or kiss when they don't want to, either you or other relatives or friends?
Yes I was, being raised Latin it happens. No I don't support it.
My children have their own body autonomy and it is up to them if they feel like they would like to hug or kiss anyone.
this is me too, although I was silent for a while when they were young. I didn't do the forcing, but I didn't call my family out when they were insistent. took a while to understand, for me. kudos to you.
@HereticSin this actually triggers me. I have my personal reasons, but I have no problem putting my sister in law in her place when she tries to pinch my son. He said no, and she will respect that. That's how consent is learned.
I totally understand the culture programming though. Glad you didn't force it ?
@Sirena I started defending my daughter when she was around 7. too late, in my head, but I learned. just wish someone had taught me better, so I didn't have to come late to the party for my daughter, ya know.
@HereticSin 7 is better than never... good for you ♡
@Hercules3000 it's the "making the child hug or kiss" others that blurs the lines of consent and body autonomy
My daughter doesn't force my grand girls to kiss or hug anyone...I like that. I didn't force my kids to do anything like that either and I also made sure they knew how to refuse anything inappropriate. For example, when my girl was a preschooler, we went into a convenience store for water and an old man approached her with a quarter he insisted she accept because she was so pretty. Wow. I politely refused and made sure my daughter understood what was wrong about that situation (oh so much).
love it! respect, Ready!
Not normally but last time my son saw his granddad I made sure he gave him a kiss .......granted my dad has not got long so it may have been the last time it happens so I can be forgiven for it
was it forced, or a request with an explanation?
@HereticSin just give gramps a kiss goodnight
@Simon1 yeah, I can see that. if it is that last time, he might regret not taking that opportunity later, even if it was a bit coerced. I ain't mad atcha.
@Hercules3000 nothing to do with age ..illness
I was forced to. I did not force. I think that it can hurt the child's sense of personal autonomy and and could set them up for abuse.
this was what I was thinking about. I had a big problem with both personal autonomy and with learning to respect others, I had to teach myself that shit, because it wasn't shown to me. kudos for not passing that on to your children!
My daughter was just naturally affectionate . As a child I showed affection to my parents and grandparents but I don't remember hugging and/or kissing others. I'm not a particularly affectionate person but I will hug people I know. Don't want to touch or be touched by strangers although I will shake hands .
I was, occasionally, but don't inflict the same treatment on our son.
I'm mostly Italian, and it's just tradition to hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Well, at least the hug part.
It's not sexual in any respect, it's a show affection, love, and respect to each other.
There are some traditions I still hold dear, and that is one of them.
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I'm the same way with my good friends,men and women, a hug upon meeting, and leaving, minus the kissing part.
But I do feel a bit strange doing it with people I don't really know yet.
I’m very affectionate and have a very small personal space so it was never forced. My kids are pretty affectionate as well so it’s almost a foreign concept to me. Ultimately no, I wouldn’t force them but I would talk to them to understand why. My fear being inappropriate touching from the adult. However, if my child just wasn’t a cuddly person, I would respect that.
I think this is changing today. Possibly we see it secretly today that all this huggy kissy stuff could have caused uncle Charlie to end up molesting you. That's why he doesn't get this treatment from kids today and gets only a goodbye if he gets anything at all. Today kids are told to say "goodbye" but only if they are in the same room as the adult leaves.
I disagree with your last sentence, that’s not how I raised my kids
@Marcie1974 Let me explain. When I leave my daughter's place the kids are not gathered together to tell me bye because "grandpa is leaving." They might be outside playing or in another room.
@DenoPenno we always gathered our kids to say goodbye. I’m not saying EVERYONE does this, but you generalizing that “this generation” doesn’t teach that is wrong. Plenty of us do.
@Marcie1974 OK, and you are free to do it but it doesn't mean that everyone does it. This is the only fact I was reporting.
Surely it depends on whether this is "goodbye until tomorrow" or "goodbye until this time next year"?
No. I think my parents encouraged us to say bye, and we kinda decided if a hug was gonna happen.
I continued that with my own kids. As we leave, I say tell them bye and they decide to what degree.
But I'm not a huge kiss/hug-say bye type myself, unless it's my SO
I don't remember, but I doubt either that I was forced to kiss relatives, or that I forced my kids to do it, since we're all a bit headstrong and rebellious at times.
But it's a very bad idea to teach kids to accept unwanted physical touching from adults. Ever.
Or to be mindlessly obedient to them.
No kids, either. When I was a kid I was told to hug/kiss relatives and I never really minded. The only relative I couldn't bear to touch was my mother. That made my skin crawl.