For the benefit of the men reading this thread, I feel like I should add: I don't generally smile at men I don't know. It's not because I "hate" men in general, or even that I don't trust men in general--it's that I care so much about potentially catching the eye of the one person that maybe wants to hurt me that I don't have anything left to invest in caring about the hundreds of people whose feelings are maybe hurt because I didn't smile back at them.

Honestly, IDNGAF if you think I'm a stuck-up bitch. I care about staying alive, and unraped, unbeaten, unstalked, unharassed. It's worth it. Anyone who wants to guilt me over this is not someone I want to be around.

Wow! I just read the comments. Back in 2008 I went to China for a month. I was in Chengdu (where the pandas are) At 10:30PM I did what any Australian man would do and walked a lady to the bus stop. We went through a park. The lighting in Chinese parks is solar and so not very bright. But enough to see the path and recognise people. To my surprise there were young women walking through the park by themselves. Why am I reading all these comments from women in the "land of the free"? Perhaps you should live in a uncivilised country with no "freedoms".

That is very true. Men without having things pointed out have for very long been trained by both parents how to live and react in society (this goes for most of the world). I remember studying linguistics and seeing the evidence of sexist language in the English language alone to whit showing there are more derogatory terms to describe females than males.
These thoughts and actions are one of the reasons that I, in high school, predicted a black male President of the United States before a woman. Note black men got the vote (at least legally) in 1868 while women here did not until 1920. I grew up in a rural, very religious and Christian oriented farming area. Many there haven't changed much over the years. I got thrown out of class, even before school stared one day for insulting Billy Graham by insinuating he was a drunk who sold an Elixer named Christ. Such fun times to have been liberal minded. Mostly I got thrown out for arguing with the teacher, whose father was an evangelical minister (who also happened to run a notoriously poorly operated old folks home, now called senior centers), over how I didn't believe I had to "watch it" because I didn't believe her god was going to get me.

Not to minimize others trauma, but it really comes down to men stink at listening to women. That's why I'm generally pissed off around men. I used to not stand up to it, now I do.

Wow, that’s truly awful! As a father of a young woman, I thought I was pretty sensitive to this, but I guess I still have a lot to learn.

This guy doesn't ask that question. And there are also lots of other men who don't either. Better to say SOME guys ask why women are so pissed off. That would be a lot more accurate.

It’s really very easy to see things from your own perspective. I can honestly say that I’ve never thought about protecting myself from any kind of sexual attack, but I’m very conscious of what could happen to my daughter. I’m aware of the possibilities, but this is an eye opener. Thanx.

The right post at the right time. I am a man who actually tries to imagine all the safety measures a woman has to think about and I could only come up with maybe a quarter of the precautions listed here. Frightening and frustrating AF!

To the extent even 15 year old kings vested by god will go to make sure there will be no queen ruling the land. He, he, ha, he. And he Died!!!! Granted the grown men educating him and managing the country for him had a lot to do with his behavior.

A few days after i was assaulted when i was 12 by a family friend who lived with us, i had to go to an official police interview. When getting ready, my mother told me not to wear bright lipstick. "We don't want them [the police] thinking you were asking for it."

I quit wearing feminin or revealing clothes at that point.

Can we at least mention the elephant in the room? That being how religion has instructed the cultural values so that women withhold sexual availability. Now we have men becoming mass murderers in response to their frustration.

As long as the underlying issues are self-censored, we shouldn't expect any improvement, and indeed, a worsening.

The corollary is that women also suffer as a result of their fear and inhibitions.

This article is spot on. And its truly sad that this is 2018 and a lot of guys still are so unaware - what the hell is it going to take?

This is a huge reminder to me because I had forgotten that I do all these things on a daily basis. They are so ingrained into my being, that I just don't notice them any more.

Doesn't really refer to being "pissed off". True, the above does highlight what women go through all the time. To make this analysis refer to being pissed off, it does show all the added baggage women have to lug around. These current supreme court hearings show how women have to take so much shit from men. Considering the suffragette movement, Rosa Parks, Anita Hill have had to go through would highlight in a better way why women are justifiabfy pissed off. While we're at it, call the Senate switch board before today, Friday Sept. 28th @ 202-224-3121 now. You will be directed to your Senator, tell her/him to NOT vote for Kavanaugh's nomination.

You have to watch this man's TED Talk. I post it at least once a year to my FB page. If I could figure out how to do it, I'd work with this man. He's putting amazing information about there on not just the toxicity of "Manhood" but how it's making men suffer, too.

Excellent post.

What a powerful post.

Very enlightening and more men need to understand (or should I say see this as many men could care less). This was not my late partner. BUT, after she died I discovered she had some problems with her Ex I had not thought of and I think she was too ashamed to discuss. I had met him on several occasions and he really was/is a jerk. In some cultures and even here for many there is no such thing as rape within a marriage. Unfortunately, there is!

I knew that women took precautions, but it's sobering to see the magnitude of toxic masculine behavior and how it affects all women every day in exercises like this. Great post, timely because of current events but really there is no time dimension to it, it's always like this.

It saddens me that this is even an issue. It's terrible that women have to be constantly on the defensive because of this very real, virtually constant, danger.

Great post...Absolutly great.

Unfortinately women have to be supper careful. Men not much. Its not fair.

I've been giving this a lot of thought since my initial response yesterday.

I think the men who ask the question simply do not get it.
That's it. They just don't get it.
I also think most of them don't want to get it, either.

Thank-you for posting this. It brings up many emotions and memories that remind me that I am often not careful enough (regardless of that fact that I shouldn't have to be)

I am boggled and not surprised at the same time. Honestly, just because you reached a certain age doesn't mean that you stop learning.