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Do you think a boy really knows how to act with a girl and how does he learn that?

Marine 8 Sep 28

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23 comments

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1

I think we are born with a lot of knowledge.

Are you being serious? If so, what knowledge do you link we are born with, other than natural instincts?

@MarcT I was shooting from the hip, based on observations of newly born animals, and based on my children. What I noticed in both animals and humans is spatial orientation, muscle usage, and social behavior.

But luckily I am rescued by google: [sites.bu.edu]

That is one of many on-line articles about innate knowledge. There’s a nice Wikipedia article under “innate knowledge”.

Not everyone is in agreement about the subject of course. My opinion is that there would not be enough time for a baby to learn all the things it’s capable of so soon after birth. One example of many: Take a bird dog puppy out in a field—one old enough to run around a little bit. Even though the puppy was never taught to hunt or never exposed to birds, that puppy will hunt birds like crazy. Is that instinct? Maybe it has to do with epigenetics.

The problem I have with the question at hand is that as we grow up our behaviors change, so that a once docile boy baby might turn into a raging bull as a teenager. There is definitely some learning in the equation, as well as innate knowledge.

2

God, what kind of question is that. They have mothers, sisters, aunties, etc, etc. The question seems to be some kind of justification for horrible behavior.

I think it is in line with the toxic male american culture that has brought us Incels and their ilk. The assumption that boys and men cannot help and therefore cannot be blamed if they are assholes/misogynists etc. A insult to me and all men. One of the few things I truly hate that idea/belief/movement. Like the idiotic men's rights movement.

2

If he wants to act with a girl he needs to take acting lessons, as far as I know!

^^Winner

2

I believe I was very lucky because I applied the rule treat them the way i wanted to be treated. I had no instructions no guidelines no birds and the bees instruction only that which I learned on the street and that is what I rejected.I credit common sense for my behavior.

3

Some of it is the example set by the adults in your life. And what you see on the media, and what you are told by society. It is up to your parents to lead by example and also be explicit on how you should treat all people, not just members of the opposite sex.

1

I don't think so. Or vice-versa. But because there is a power game involved, men are usually the supplicants and women the judges.

1

I was once told only a girl knows how the date will end lol

2

I believe most of it is learned after thier male and female role models. I do my best to make sure I’m bringing up my boys to be good men.

3

Children learn from their parents. Friends and peer pressure influence children, too.

2

Some do, some don't. They learn from their parents, their peers, the images they are subjected to in church, school, the media. They learn a lot from hypocrisy, like seeing their dad laughing at blatant misogyny while telling the boy "women want respect", they learn what to give lip service to and what is really "expected" of them.

the question is difficult for me because there is an implied "should" that I am uncomfortable with, but that's the best answer I can give.

2

Nobody comes out of the womb knowing instinctively how to act. This is stuff that is taught to the child through socialization, role modelling by parents and loved ones and through conditioning. So if the only examples of behaviour a boy sees is toxic and aggressive and bad, whether it be from parents and family as well as from media and peer group/mentors, odds are high he will grow up to be a shitty guy. Now if he has some positive influence or receives negative repercussions or consequences for his poor behaviours he may unlearn what he was taught. But that's a big IF.

4

Boys are taught how to be men. A man knows how to treat a woman. It is a learned behavior. I was a Boy Scout leader for 11 years and helped to teach this very thing to dozens of boys. But they also have many other influences, so it can be a battle.

MarcT Level 7 Sep 28, 2018
1

Some do, some do not.

2

I'm curious where this question is coming from, and how it differs in your mind from, say, "does a girl know how to behave with a puppy?" Are you asking if we think that boys are typically aggressive, domineering, dismissive or otherwise indelicate with girls unless that behavior is corrected? What age group are you picturing when you say "boys" and "girls"? Are you asking if a boy knows how to navigate the rules of polite society when engaging in conversation or some sort of group activity with a girl without having to be told? There are about a billion factors to consider, none of which have been established. We covered age, but are there any females in this fictional boy's household? What are their ages and relationships to him, and more importantly, how would you describe their relationships to the men in the household whom this boy might regard as role models on which to pattern his own behaviors? Why not ask the question in reverse? That seems to be a good acid test to sniff out bullshit, I typically find: "Do you think a girl know how to behave around boy's? How does she learn that?" You could remove the gender barrier altogether and just ask how any child learns to behave around any other person: they base their behavior off of the adults around them. Chances are pretty good that if a boy grows up in a household with a domineering father and a meek, submissive mother, he would be less likely to view that type of relationship as unusual, and may be more likely to model future relationships after that of his parents to carry on the cycle of domestic abuse. That having been said, I grew up in a healthy loving environment and no one ever had to sit me down and remind me not to hit, slap, grope or rape anyone. I honestly don't know if you were heading down that rabbit hole with your initial line of questioning. Were you?

1

The assumption here is there is a universally acceptable "correct" way for a boy to interact with a girl. On a base level I think a boy acts on his own wishes based on his preferences and the situation if he is a boy used to using physical intimidation to get what he wants he would attempt to use that. Depending on his intelligence/self control if this failed he might resort to increasing levels of force up to rape or killing the girl if that achieved his goal of possession, release or influence. If he is a boy more used to gentle forms of persuasion and if he has a sense of respect or fear of the girl he might simply leave her alone or continue in non physically violent ways to persuade her to accept his intentions. Perhaps he is prepubescent and simply acts towards the girl the same way he would with anyone else. Of course outside influences would define the boys actions as well, tempering, denying or encouraging his behavior. I think the real intent of your question is how does anyone know how to act around anyone else. I think it is a combination of personal disposition tempered with outside influences like parents/society/culture etc. In many human cultures woman are considered property. In that case the boy knows exactly how to act around a girl. It is perfectly acceptable for him to treat her as property. Morality and ethics are human constructs to allow for greater success and cooperation among populations from the family on up too Nations. Too me the idea that higher morality is something
instinctively human is incorrect. Morality is forged from any number of factors, availability of resources, access to education, the framework of ethics within the culture. Again and again despite our enlightened sense of self when society collapses people revert very quickly to savagery and a quick loss of what many would consider ethical or moral behavior.

Quarm Level 6 Sep 28, 2018
1

I would think if the household the children are raised in show understanding,tenderness and love between the Parents,they would use that as a guide when they become Adults in their relationships.

It seems the downward spiral in abuse begins when Dad knocks Mom around,Sons and Daughters assume the behavior is normal and perpetuate this abuse.Women falsely believe love is shown by being hit,or have an arm broken,sadly this happens more than we think...

2

Unless a boy attends a one-gender-only boarding school and has zero female siblings, he's been interacting with them since preschool at a minimum. Its not like they are aliens from Venus, certainly there has been contact with female relatives, cousins, classmates, neighbors. With half the population female, its really sad that someone has to ask this question as if there has been no prior contact and zero way to learn it. Perhaps we need a class in school entitled "how to act with a girl without raping them"?

1

In my experience boys learn how to play nice when they get beat up by their girl cousins.

4

What does "boy" and "girl" have to do with it? Why does it have to be any more complicated than people treating each other with respect and dignity? I don't get it.

2

"A" boy and "a" girl?? How would I know without knowing the specific ones you're asking about?

Some boys have more of an idea how to go about it than others. Girls vary in their cluefulness about boys, too. And men with women and women with men.

I guess I'm really not understanding the question. But it's late and I tend to take things literally even when I'm not tired ... so I'm probably missing your point.

2

I think a boy learns how to treat a girl. There are a lot of behaviors that have been accepted, encouraged by society that objectify and diminish women and that does not make them ok. We are working toward a culture shift.
But no matter what the culture, no one thinks it’s ok to pin down a crying girl and muffle her screams while you... well, anything.

1

No. He doesn’t.

1

Boys usually learn from their mothers and girls from their fathers. Boys are usually closer to mom and girls are usually closer to dad. Not always but mostly.

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