I just don't understand how people can stand being alone. It is the worst feeling for me. I wish it weren't but I have to be honest. Wondering if I'm some sort of freak as most seem just fine with it. Am I?
I am going to stick my neck out here, and hope I don't get dog-piled. Men are conditioned to expect a lot of emotional support from women, and without it, they suffer. Lots of studies show that men benefit from marriage more than women do. When a divorce happens, men remarry quickly (if they can), while women are slower at getting hitched again. It's not always about choice: some women can't find partners, because men in their age group prefer to date younger women. But on the whole, women do better at being alone, partly because they have more friends (generally speaking), but also because, when they get divorced, they lose LESS emotional support than men do.
I think that for both sexes, finding a partner who is genuinely interested in them as a person is a goal. I've been dating for about 5 years now, and very few of the men I meet ask me many questions about myself. I am a practised interviewer, and it's easy to get men to talk about themselves; most do it easily, anyway. Much harder to find a way to let the man know who I am. Is it because he has already figured it out, and doesn't need to ask me anything? Maybe. Or is it because he doesn't really care to know? Too often, that seems to be the case. In my age group, snap judgements nip many budding romances in the bud. Come on, guys, ask US some questions. It shouldn't always be all about you.
My worry for you is that you get involved (and screwed over) with someone just because you can't stand being alone. You'll put up with crap just to feel loved, but love will have nothing to do with it. I see relationships every day where one is more in love with being in a relationship than they are with the person they're in the relationship with. Get used to you. Learn to like you. Your life is about you, not someone else.
Everyone is different. What you want is what YOU want. Doesn't make you
a "freak", or weak, or anything else. Those are other people's judgments.
They don't have to be yours.
Personally, I prefer to be alone. I don't want to be in another relationship.
I have family and friends, and I can be with them when I want to be, and go
home when I'm done.
I can't even imagine sharing my personal space with another man ever again.
I have zero interest in putting up with anyone else's bullshit, and no desire to
subject anyone to mine.
You do you. Don't worry what anyone else thinks about it.
Good luck finding someone to share your life with.
You aren't a freak, but it might be an idea to learn how to be alone. It helps prevent you from trying to manipulate people to be with you and it helps prevent you from being taken advantage of just to have someone around. It will help you be more successful in a relationship, I think.
I was completely devastated when my husband left last year and thought I could never stand being alone...and so I moved in with my brother and his family for a few months to get back on my feet. Now with a job and new apartment - I find I do enjoy being alone and realize how hurtful the last couple of years of my marriage were. Now that there is nobody criticizing my every move I am comfortable with myself. I don't think you are a freak. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. I do think it gets easier over time at least that was the case for me. I hope for you.
Being single does have its downsides, but I've filled in that void with hobbies, and interests that I'm interested in doing. The partner thing will come along when it does, but I don't focus on that; instead I just enjoy each little moment as they pass. Nothing in life is ever guaranteed, not even life itself, so I make sure to be grateful for each moment that I do have, single or not.
I think there's a difference with being alone and being lonely. I personally enjoy my own company most days, and i find it rejuvinating and offers me time for self-reflection.
Being lonely is different. Sometimes you just need to have someone around, as we're social creatures.
As an introvert, i prefer the former, but recognize that occasionally i need the latter, and then realize i want the former again.
As many have already mentioned most people aren't fine with it. I've become fairly isolated the last few years. If it wasn't for family and coworkers I would have virtually no social interaction.
I am definitely not fine with it. I may look that way to others but I spend most nights wishing I wasn't alone.
I am not built for alone, so I understand. I am self destructive without someone else. Bringing joy to "her" is what brings me the most joy. The worst thing anyone can say is what everyone seems to say, "you have to be happy alone before you can be happy with someone else". That abysmal phrase makes me die a little inside every time I hear it said to me.
I've had the phobia.all my life. I hate being alone with a passion but I can't find a mate and I'm so tired of being turned down . I've been so rejected lately. It really hurts. Right now, I'm on vacation by myself. I'm so tired of waiting for Mr Right to come along. Maybe there is no Mr Right. Should I waste my whole life waiting? My answer is no. I'm getting older and debilitated. I have to live for me. It sucks but such is life.
I do believe isn't in humans nature to be solitary. We naturally yearn to be with another human. But, one the same token, I do not believe in monogamism life. Monogamy is a religious construct.
Life should be made with partners, not just one spouse until death takes us apart.
Just need to be honest here, most men do not believe in one partner, mist tinder men above 40 are married men looking for something different.
I am for open relationship, but don't take your date in the motel, bring her or him home and let share the goodies.
Anything can become tolerable through enough exposure. Spend enough years of your life predominantly alone and you get used to it. Spend enough years used to it and you start to prefer it because being alone and bored is actually less horrible than the constant drama, pettiness, and stress of being around other people.