All the time Gracey. Women just want to be friends. Men either see me as a freak show or a fetish. I am not sure what to do...

Hell no! I know l'm lovable. You're probably lovable too. You just need to get out of your own way.

Well @graceylou you are not alone (if there is any consolation on that ? ). It's weird for me... I have made a lot of friends along the way, peers at work like working with me and family shows appreciation left and right. It's all peachy until I go out to a bar. It's like everyone got a memo "don't talk to that dude !!!".... I don't go out much anymore and got used to enjoy my own company.

Yes, I have had bouts of both all my life.

IDK why you feel "unlovable," but you have 66 followers, among them me. We love you enough to listen to what you have to say; okay, maybe one or two are up to no good. There are rotten apples; toss them out. The world is indifferent to everyone, but we humans, who aren't rotten, love and support others. Please accept my gift of flowers to help cheer you up. [encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com]

All the time, but for the second part. I take care of a lot of people, and they need me. Gives me purpose, but outside of familial love, I got nothing.

I have self confidence for days. So, it's not that I see myself as unlovable, but as unwilling to let someone love me. Because getting hurt sucks and eventually everyone will hurt you.

I've actually been feeling that today. It's a weird feeling.

Just to clarify, I don’t feel unloved. I just think of myself as someone who is unloveable a lot of times, someone with no qualities to love. Loving me may not be the wisest thing someone can do. May be I choose to be unloveable sometimes to keep myself and others from being hurt.

Like someone among you had said to me, I feel like I don’t deserve love. I think it’s a coping mechanism I’ve adopted because of my current situation. I had a particularly difficult night last night and couldn’t sleep. I was thinking I would be better off if no one loved or cared for me, and it’s better for others too.

I felt that way a lot while married...and incredibly lonely too. Now, I am actually beloved by many, and love & treat myself like gold. Just had to dump the anchor that was holding me by manipulation! Look around, you may have the same problem & not realize it!

I've felt that way many times over my lifetime, enough to know now that the bout of depression will pass, and that while I feel I'm worthless to others, they don't feel that way about me. They can overlook my shortcomings more easily than I can. It's a curse of being a bit of a perfectionist, in my case. I have learned to just be kind to myself during those times, give myself a pass, and know that things will get better.

For me, it's mostly the holidays and other special occasions that seem to trigger feelings of not being able to live up to the expectations of others - but my learned strategy is to encourage my loved ones not to have any expectations of me during those times - I simply have to give myself a break and need them to do so also. I hope I have other qualities other times of the year that make up for my inability to do what normal people do during the holidays.

Yes, from time to time.

I'd say get a dog. The cuddly , fluffy, needy type...

Yep.

Yup with lots of proof to the contrary. Then I have to give myself a mental kick upside the head and remind myself of all the people that love me. It's just a stupid feeling love. I think we all feel it from time to time.

often. as I get older the struggle for meaning gets harder

Almost always.

I am at a Point where I DO Fear to NEVER be LOVED and DESIRED Again, I have Many Friends and Family, but My apartment is EMPTY

Thanks to accidents of good parenting and my own psychological constitution I have generally regarded the judgments of others about how I'm less than totally lovable to be bizarre assertions but in recent years my self confidence has finally broken down somewhat. I've seen the patterns in certain complaints and had to acknowledge who the common denominator in them is. That even if the merit of the complaints is questionable (and it may not be), what matters in relationships is people's perceptions and judgments about you -- that trumps who and what you actually are every time.

In other words I haven't sufficiently credited the value of PR you might say. I should have smiled more copiously and insincerely and had way fewer particular expectations and more flexibility, among other things. These days I touch base more with others to find out how I'm being [mis]understood or [mis]construed and it's a disturbing thing to see how little they actually know me, even after years. And to know that while I can make some changes to improve the situation, ultimately, I will only be seen through filters, probably even by myself.

These feelings come and go day to day and week to week. I can bee very low then very high on life and feeling loved.

Yes, no stranger to that feeling.

All the time.

That's a place to be. And yes, I feel that way often. Like you, I 'know' I'm loved, but don't always feel it, and especially don't always feel lovable.

Yeah. I get that feeling, it sucks and I'm tired of it.

Some days are better than others, but some of the bad days are really bad. Thing is that I, and I think that you do to, realize that even though there is comfort inside the walls, you need to get out. For me, it's getting the momentum to open that door that I'm lacking. Small steps seem to work for me. Doing something that's for me sometimes helps. You know, treat yourself.

What doesn't help is people telling me that I don't have a reason to feel the way I do or folks saying "pull up your boot straps."

Not sure what your history is or even your current situation, just wanted let you know that you are not alone.