I am almost 3 Years out from a very toxic marriage. I am still recovering, less from the divorce than from the 20 years of emotional abuse in the marriage. My ex moved on immediately (actually had been carrying on a relationship in secret while telling me we were trying to reconcile) and is already re-married. I have hardly even dated because being married was HELL and it is so much better being alone than with someone who diminishes you.
I am so never going to be able to use this site for dating because I am way too open about my past!

I was happy when my first wife filed for divorce. I even thanked the process server effusively. Getting over the divorce was easy. Getting over 30 years of a terrible marriage took much longer. I had nightmares for years.

I would recommend to just focus on and develop your interests and hang out with friends and for sure enjoy your alone time..
Get used to being independent from a relationship and cherish it.
Being single is really wonderful.

Know exactly how you're feeling. This bubbling stew of lonelines and neediness reduces down to a overwhelming sense of unworthiness and being too fucked up to be with anyone. At least that's how I feel... I've been told it gets better?

I was “emotionally divorced” for a good 4 years before we actually filed. It’s been 6 months since I moved out (papers were finalized November 1st). At first I had the “need” to feel like someone cared for me and for me to care about someone. I think I was just so emotionally starved for so long. I feel like I’m in a really good place now though. I’m actually really happy being single! It’s fun dating and meeting new people. I KNOW what I want in a man and a relationship and I won’t settle for less. Right now I feel content to wait a very long time for that. I know I will continue to grow emotionally as well.

I'm going to need a teensy bit more info here are we talking Walmart Taco Bell or Burger King parking lot here?

The thing that really helped me was talking about it... a lot. Really, just a lot of venting and ranting.

I got over my divorce about a year before he and I were legally divorced. He wouldn't leave.

Don't do that to the cats! In all seriousness though, build up your support system. Spend time with friends and family who make you feel good. Maybe join a support group or exercise class? My best to you,this is a chance to make things better for yourself.

It can take a while. There are a lot of variables. Just give yourself the time you need. Wherever you are in the healing process is ok.

Depends on what you mean by "get over." If you mean when should you start dating again, the rule of thumb is that when you no longer care who your ex is with, then it's OK to date again.

Otherwise, you might find yourself in the role of complaining, angry divorcee who spends every date bashing her husband, or trying to spy on him.
After you've passed through the stages of grief; shock, denial, pleading, playing victim, and anger, and move on to indifference, then you'll feel OK with the divorce, and may or may not start another relationship.

Some studies show that if women go more than five years without remarrying, they probably never will, due to discovering how freeing it is to live independent lives, without answering to anyone.

I opted to remain single for a few years between my last big split. We have two children together so that added a new element of screwed up to a breaking of a union.

I knew it would be a disservice to myself and to anyone else if I sold myself short and began dating before I was ready to Fully commit All of myself. I needed a clear mind so i could, likewise, have the sensibility to make a prudent and logical choice of mates. I needed a clear mind so I could understand when the time had finally come.

I needed to mourn the death of the relationship, of the future dreams, the original hopes and plans. Those things also take time.

People tend to get lonely. I don't really because I have always been a loner despite the assumption I am an extrovert. I am just good at dealing with people, but I rarely trust them and constantly wonder what is going on inside of them truly. I am thankful that I have have numerous intersts and hobbies and I am a lifelong learner and currently in college again.

There are so many other things I knew I could do in order to find was to Reclaim Myself. Again, before you can give yourself to another, you must first have the tools with which to Reclaim your own identity.

I would never wish to commit to a person simply because I was too lonely to hold out for something better. I don't want to bring someone into my life when I am in the midst of turmoil. How much can you honestly claim to care for another person if you choose to go into something of that nature at half your game?

I suggest taking your time, making certain you have cried out, bled our and screamed out whatever you felt toward the end and do currently, before you move on to the next phase in your life. It is good for us to take the time we need and to regain our mental health and composure. It is good for you to enjoy spending time with yourself again. I found it enjoyable and exciting on some level because now I had time to learn all the things i hadn't had the chance to before.

When its time again, you will know it. Trust yourself, love yourself, forgive yourself, forgive your ex and move on. Take your dignity with you and find another doorway to haunt.

I wish you good luck out there and don't worry, you Will love again. Only time can prepare and heal you for your next journey in life and it will come. Time is such a gift. The things that hurt you at this moment, months from now you will forget. Life is in flux. You are in flux. Embrace the change and enjoy the ride.

Getting over the Ex was easy. I was so over being with her that I am the one that filed for divorce. Getting over the divorce is another thing. Because the Ex continues to be an abusive presence in the life of our child (thankfully, I have had custody since he was three years old) and an anti-parent rather than a co-parent, there has been continuing action in Family Court at least every few years, to try to protect the innocence of a child. Almost eleven years later, the dust is settling and I have a feeling I am finally done in court for a while within the next few weeks.

Please, if you have children, work TOGETHER for their benefit. If you don't have children, once the court stuff is over it is OVER, and the feeling of relief is like a new lease on life. Go forth into the world and be HAPPY!

Obviously it depends on the situation and if you have children or shared investments etc. Generally figure a month or so for every year of marriage after the divorce is final. Almost for sure your first relationship after will be transitional and won't last. Your lawyer is right - wait.

I suppose i'm one of the lucky ones. My ex and i seperated in November. Tuesday, we go to split the cell phones and car insurance, and schedule the "official" divorcery.

The town in Wiscinsin has something called "Pro Se", which is basically a lawyerless divorce service.

When we seperated, all i took was my clothes and guitars. I left her everything else.

Thus far, things have been very civil. We've gone out for drinks a few times.

But here's where it gets complicated.

I, and my ex BEFORE my soon-to-be ex wife own a house. Said earlier ex has been out of the picture since 2008. She signed a quit claim (quick claim?) and is no longer on the deed. But still on the loan.

My soon-to-be ex Mrs. is interested in buying the place. Right now, though? We don't even have a lease signed, let alone any plan for her to buy it

Wish me luck, this could potentially get ugly quick.

Ugh.

To tell the truth, it has been 14 years and I still think about it. I never knew why. And then the guy she hooked up with shot her.

I was separated for a while, but once I decided the marriage was over for me it was a lot of stress re kids and such. Divorce was a bit later and the ex fought it (not that you can, but she tried). I did not date for about 6 years so as not to make further stress, then 3 relationships failed due to partners kids being problematic. Advice, take you time.

It takes time to process the change. I wasn’t ready for at least two years.

It's been seven years and I still have bad moments. But it's a LOT better than it was at first. It depends on the condition of the divorce, and who initiated the divorce. I got left for someone else, and that hurt for a while (TBH still does, but only in pangs now).

I get wanting to fling the cats at people, just make sure you let in the people who catch them and pet them. If they scream or flinch at a kitty attack they are not worthy.

Well the good news is that it gets better. I divorced in 2009 and I can't, for the life of me, remember anything about the ordeal. I can't give you an exact date as to when it got better but at it certain point it just becomes history and your mind moved on to other things.

A lot longer than I thought/realized. Very painful again many, many years later. I think I never really dealt with it in the first place, and so when the time came and I broke down... it was surreal, confusing, and cathartic.

Each divorce is different. I've been married three times. Divorce from husband #1 was easy, as was the divorce from #2. It's been over 10yrs, and I'm still not over #3 (worse mistake of my life which is why it still hurts).

You being in Annapolis, I don't know if there is any military involved. I was in the Navy when I got divorced but I knew when I left for an unaccompanied tour in Germany, I was not coming back as we established and it was up to her to setup the divorce and send me the papers to sign. She was free to pursuit anything she wanted while I was gone. And we have the most normal relation even now. At least from my part. No animosity. I may complaint about this and that but... divorce was the best thing to happen to us. After our three kids of course. I still call her for her birthday, xmas (was our anniversary), new year, mother day and yes st valentine day. Your life will continue and most likely the next man will be a better man and will appreciate you more. I noticed you went back to your picture against your lawyer wish. That is a sign you are starting to break out. Some people it takes 8 years... other 8 hours. I had never been a return back kind of guy so it was easy even when coming from Germany to visit the kids. No desire. Everything depends of who are you divorcing and reasons for the divorce. I had no counsel of a lawyer I just signed the papers, gave her the house and assumed the debts. To me... Freedom was worth every penny she could get from me. But I always been a different, not materialistic person. Don't let him take advantage of you or get you down if this process is Painful... It will pass to better pasture and times. There is a lot of you left for this Life.

My ex has been gone four years and I haven't felt like dating yet. Part of that is not wanting the risk while having a 12 year old at home, but the bigger part is recovering from years of emotional abuse, then being blindsided and financially stressed. I'm self sufficient and have many things that bring me joy in my life. Still not sure if it's worth putting myself out there. Doing a little research here. Great topic.

I think I was over my divorce at least 3 years before it happened. We were separated for a few years before the divorce happened. We had both moved on, so divorce was just a technicality.