A Christian friend of mine tried to justify to me several years ago why men should be the decision-makers. He claimed that the man, when there is a dispute between the husband and wife, is God's surrogate and has God's authority and wisdom to make the final decision. Has anyone else ever heard this particular argument? Or have you heard other arguments used to justify men as the indisputable decision-maker of the family?
Ephesians 5:22-24 ESV
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Because we're all friends here (smile) I'll admit that I was raised Baptist. And not ''just'' Baptist....but SOUTHERN BAPTIST! As a child, I was told to prepare myself for life as a CHRISTIAN WIFE and that meant submission to my husband first and foremost...and then to my children. I left that group before puberty, so I don't know their attitudes about sexual roles but....I can guess. These women wore no make-up, never spoke out of turn and buttoned their blouses up to the collar. It's not just Mormons, sorry to say.
Oh yeah, I heard that discussion frequently. I even tried to let/force my then husband make some decisions about the household. He didn't like it!!!! The Xian theory is wife is under the husband who is under Jesus, and that makes husband head of household. Sort of like many of the laws in England and the US way back when. All in all, Xianity just likes to treat women like chattel, like mindless children, even though Proverbs 31 talks about a woman making decisions and running a business. It is not a real workable approach in most households/families/lives. It's so bad it is not even archaic.
It's in the bible, and yes, it's a common belief among evangelicals, including the second largest denomination in the U.S. -- In a resolution released in 1998, Southern Baptists believe the husband or man has authority in the marriage (and the final say).
Genesis 3:16 - "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."
1 Corinthians 11:9 - "Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man."
1 Timothy 2:13, 14 - “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner.”
Ephesians 5:22, 23 - "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior."
Even the largest denomination teaches that men are the headship in the marriage. [catholic.com]
As Christopher Hitchens once said, "Men created gods so they could own women."
I grew up in a Christian family but the women in my extended family have always been decision makers, many being successful professionals (mostly in the medical fields).
In my current location, we are in contact with the Hutterites often. They are a sort of Amish type community but they don’t shun technology. The men make the decisions (particularly the Preacher) and the women have no say. They even tell their women who to vote for. I don’t know if the men believe they are god’s surrogates but sounds like they do. A couple of their men came to my house while my SO was out of town. They told me my SO wanted to sell the horses and they came to look at them. Of course that’s ridiculous. I told them they’re my horses and there had been no discussion about selling them. The horses were not for sale. Those men could not understand the concept of a woman making that kind of decision about family property (of course my horses are my children not property). I was furious and sent them away. Ugh.
I've not heard the idea of "God's surrogate" but a different scenario came into my mind from an experience from decades ago:
During an all female baby shower for my former sister-in-law, put on by members of her church (Catholic) the main theme in a speech made by the hostess was a reminder that the needs of the husband always come before the needs of the child.
This directive upset me so much at the time, I had to blurt out my shock and disagreement, in front of everyone there, to the shock and dismay of everyone in attendance. (I'm sure I was the only atheist.)
A thought process like that seems to pave the way for child abuse, incest, neglect and so much more, when worded that way. I grew up in a Catholic household, as did many others, where those things were swept under the rug, because of the belief that the husband's needs and desires come before what's best for the child. The wife had to just ignore and let it go.
For women to perpetuate this idea, seems to be a coping mechanism, for helping them to ignore some of the things they've endured or are enabling in their own families. It only makes sense that a man (perhaps guilty of misusing his imagined "surrogacy" ) might also want to perpetuate.
My brothers former church, Generations Yuma (they may have changed their name) would promote that men are the ruler of the bedroom. Women must never turn down sex and that God doesn't look in the bedroom. Which was used to encourage the women to be super sluts with their husbands, at the suggestion of male church leaders, no doubt.
Funny thing is that the head preacher was caught cheating on his wife several times. He also delivered a sermon following the legalization of gay marriage; "TWO DUDES" every other sentence.
This is called "complemantarianism". [en.wikipedia.org]
In theory this is different from male chauvinism in that it uses the slogan "ontologically equal, functionally different" to suggest that women are, in fact equal but have different roles. However you can't get around the fact that if you limit certain roles by something arbitrary like gender, you are actually inherently making the genders unequal.
The Mormons believe this, I worked with a girl who was moron and she explained it to me and she really believes men are the right hand of Dog. I sorta laughed and she called me a heathen ever after. A happy ending.
Yeah, I think it is in the buy bull but I could not swear to it since I have not read the whole thing. I like cherry picking the parts that work for me. God is love. John Lennon paraphrased it All You Need is Love or maybe Imagine.
I grew up having Ephesians pounded into me but I'm not sure how much took root even then. Now after being out I observe a lot of my acquaintances that are evangelicals and it's comical. One guy I've known for about 20 years has been slowly getting back into religion and I see this thinking working on him. He was a Democrat but couldn't support Hillary simply because women aren't supposed to tell men what to do. The irony is that although he claims to have a Christian home his wife most emphatically rules the roost.