a long time ago, in a galaxy far away (los angeles), when i was young and shy and stupid, i was helping out a friend at a yard sale and a dorky guy came by and tried to chat us up. he asked for my number and... did i mention i was stupid? i was too dumb to give him a fake number and too shy just to tell him to fuck off. so of course he started to call me regularly and he was the boringest idiot you could imagine. naturally, he always wanted to turn the conversation to sex. one day he called and was nattering on and he said something about "gentilia." i said "what?" "gentilia." i couldn't understand what he was getting at. finally he explained: "sexual organs." "oh," i said, "you mean genitalia! i thought you were talking about christians!" he never called me back. i never even needed a blade.

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