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What's the one line that made red flags pop up and your brain say... "deal breaker"?

There have been several over the years but once I had just recently started chatting online with a new guy and he made a comment about my profile stating I didn't wear make-up or perfume and I didn't care for cologne on men. I explained that I was allergic and my skin couldn't tolerate make-up, broke out in a rash and perfumes gave me a headache.

He then tried to negotiate, "But you could wear make-up for a little while, right? Long enough for a date? I mean you'd "want" to look your best for me, right?"

Ahhh, no. Done here.

mzbehavin 8 Feb 8

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Deal breaker line:
"How can you call Trump an idiot?! He's a very successful businessman and is way smarter than you!" Said in a very loud, angry voice in a public place. (this was during the campaign).

I left with no apologies.

@mzbehavin For real! The guy even texted me a few weeks later with some witty comeback that he thought of later!


Several come to mind

  1. do you shave (you know where)
  2. please send nude pics
  3. wow, you have big boobs (as if I didn't know already)
  4. I'll be in town this weekend and looking to have fun
  5. if you were really looking for a boyfriend, you would do (insert whatever here)
  6. can't talk about anything but sex

If all you want to know is my sexual preferences, I'm not the one for you. There is more to life than sex, and you aren't getting that until I know something more than your name.

Oh, and this "do you do girls" b/s.


When she mentioned how her ex was going through a tough time and so was staying at her place for now.

Along with her alcoholic father-in-law.

This was on the second date...

@mzbehavin Yes, and now you mention it, there was the pet collection. Dogs, cats, horses, AND snakes. There's a limit.



You gotta be freakin' kidding me with this shit!
What the hell is it with guys like that???
Why do I have to DO anything for you?

That's definitely a deal-breaker.
No question.


He sounds like a control freak. Flush.


Cannot stand obnoxious, constantly barking little dogs that jump up on me, scratching my bare legs and drawing blood.

"NO! DOWN!" I command. "She's just saying hi," idiot owners lamely explain.

Shrill barking hurts my ears. I broke up with three men because of their out-of-control, obnoxious little dogs.

"She's a herding dog," the men said, making excuses. In the Wallowa Mountains, the Corgi stopped suddenly in the middle of the trail, often tripping me. It's lucky I didn't fall off a cliff.

Finally, I made him tie the dog to his belt with a rope. The dog jerked him all over the trail to my satisfaction. I dropped far behind, out of earshot of the constant barking.

Then he insisted the dog sleep in the tent with us. All night long, that dog barked at every leaf that fell, every crackle in the woods. I got zero sleep.

By morning, I had a plan: kill him and then the dog. But he had the map and knew the way, so he was safe. HA.


I don't like dogs because...
Or I like Trump because...
Or let's get naked.
Either of those and they all happened on first dates are an instant no.


11 deal-breakers:

  1. Man-child: wants a mommy to take care of him and great sex.
  2. Trump supporter or Republican.
  3. No sense of humor.
  4. Poor communication skills.
  5. Lousy sex.
  6. Smoker, heavy drinker, drugs, etc.
  7. Fat and sedentary.
  8. No activities in common.
  9. Not over his ex.
  10. Lives too far away.
  11. Lies.

Hey! Not all republicans support tRump, and not all republicans are bad!!


well, i live with my guy and i don't date, but i can safely say that anything that sounds like a line is a dealbreaker by virtue of being a line.

i certainly would never have gone out with, or refrained from laughing at, someone who tried to make me wear makeup.

i don't mind when folks don't use my name. in fact, i think it's overused and can be a tactic. if someone used my name a lot in writing, or if not actually trying to catch my attention in oral speech, i would find it irritating, kind of fake. so i feel differently about that.

i do recall once i met a guy at a party my then-roommate also attended. i may be remembering wrong but i think i was invited and brought her along because she begged me to do so. anyway, we both met this guy and liked him, and she threw herself at him. we both gave him our numbers. he called me, and i invited him to my house (by that time i was living alone). he told me how turned off he was by my ex-roomie's having thrown herself at him. he expressed interest in me, and how i lived. he didn't seem fake. i usually have pretty good radar for that. my radar isn't perfect, though. we ended up in bed and after we had made love he said he had to tell me something. uh oh. he said he was in a relationship. oh, i said -- i thought you were going to tell me you were married. yeah, he said, that's it. sheesh. so i didn't want to see him anymore (right?) but he kept calling me and asking me if i liked it when he did this, or did that, sexually, that one time. i had to tell him, look, i enjoy doing it, not talking about it -- but because he was married, and even more importantly, because he didn't come clean BEFOREHAND and give me a chance to decide whether to sleep with a married guy, i wasn't going to be doing it with him anymore. he declined to "just be friends" -- he didn't see the point. well, that was strike number three: if he doesn't want to be my friend, he sure as hell isn't qualified to be my lover.



“But you could change who you are for me since you don’t even know me, right?” Hard pass.


Texting with a guy; I said I had to take my dog out.
He said he was jealous. Of my dog! Red flags. Besides, I love my dog, he was just words on a screen.


I block or delete anyone who is rude, crude, or lewd to either me or any other woman. No point in wasting another second of my time on him.


Yep, definite deal breaker. Trying to change you right off the starting line. He is an idiot.
It is funny you should ask because I was checking someone out on FB today (went to the same school as me) and I came across some of his less than complimentary comments in regards to immigrants and other cultures. I moved on pretty quickly and easily.

I realized after I got on Facebook that almost all my ex's from high school are ultra conservatives. I know this is Texas, but I scratch my head trying to figure out how pot smoking, everyone's a good guy kid can go to MAGA I love Trump idiocy.

@kiramea IKR. Life is just way too short to be so racist, misogynistic and short sighted. I have noticed that it is a prominant theme within my generation.


I met one man for coffee/tea, and I'm sure he was trying to impress me with his great knowledge of stocks and bonds, but he was trying to tell me (not suggest) that I do this or that with my money, even after I told him that I have a team that manages my money for me. Very annoying, not impressive at all. And in the few hours we talked he probably looked at or interacted with his cell a twenty times. Checking the stock market, he explained. Screamed "control freak" to me, lack of consideration for me, or lack of trust for someone else to be able to think. He asked very few questions about me, and talked about himself almost non-stop. Conversations, especially between two people wanting to learn about each other, should be interactive. Complete bust, as far as I was concerned.


@SweetHarp I figured that a few hours of my time was a worthy investment... Perhaps he was nervous and trying to impress me without knowing how to do so. Once I figured out that this was most likely not the case, that he was just not an interactive conversationalist, that's when I took my leave!


Oh, hellz to the no.

"Just because you're free, doesn't mean I have to be there." No, it doesn't. Someone else will be there.


Natural is better for your health...

I think natural is cleaner and less toxic. @mzbehavin


Sounds like he didnt want you... his version of you?


I've only dated one Jewish American Princess. Early in our date, she started comparing cities based on the number of Neiman Marcus stores in their metro areas.

BD66 Level 8 Feb 9, 2019

Um...I was KINDA trying to be humorous, (while being deadly serious at the same time, of course). It goes both ways, naturally. Since I hate EVERYBODY, I can swing both ways... it's sort of like being bi!

The older I get, the more I just want to stay home and pet my dog. My youngest son and I have the same fault; we both dislike most people.


I actually have fewer dealbreakers than most below.

  1. Fairly religious
  2. Can't accept a non-drinker
  3. Expects me to love watching college sports or has few interests other than same.
  4. Is very family-oriented, as in wants to spend most of our time together with her family or grandkids.
  5. Politically conservative
  6. Likes country music

Seriously, that's all there is. Probably wouldn't be that hard to find someone even with these dealbreakers if I lived on either coast, but I live in the Midwest. Enuf said......

The "non-drinker" statement is interesting, as there really are people who would look down upon someone (or perhaps just their choice) who does not drink alcohol. Really? I have been around people who have encouraged me to have a "real drink", while I was happy with a soda or water. My idea of a high-octane drink has caffeine, not alcohol! I am not a teetotaler, but rarely drink booze...

@Rustee You may have misunderstood me and so I have corrected my comment. I am a non-drinker and the dealbreaker appears to be on the part of women who won't accept me as a non-drinker, same as the people you've encountered who appear to encourage you to drink alcohol so they can feel more comfortable. They are the ones with issues, not you or me.

My above comment is too old to edit, so I'll do it here. On #2 I meant to say, women who can't accept dating a non-drinker, which I am...

@TomMcGiverin - my response was poorly written, I am sorry! I did understand your intention, and I responded with the intention of saying that I find it rather off-putting that anyone would be upset or dis-liking of a person because of their choice to not drink. Not everyone drinks for whatever reason, and everyone should be respectful of the choices others make, even (or perhaps especially) if it is not aligned with your own.

@Rustee I can't speak about men on dating sites that are unaccepting of women who are non-drinkers, because my experience is with women, but there appear to be two reasons that women who are social drinkers (or maybe even more regular than that) will not date a non-drinking male. Reason one is that the woman may actually have an alcohol problem and does not want to be exposed as such or criticized about it. Reason two is that for many women social drinking is just something that is very important to them and something they require a partner that shares that interest with them, same as any other important interest, like hiking or watching college sports.

Now I think that is kind of sad and narrow to be that way, but I can understand it as I have a few interests that I really like and would wish to share with a partner, like karaoke, but to me the important thing is that the person share at least most of my interests, not every last one of them. I would gladly settle for a woman who was content to just listen at karaoke, but if they didn't even want to do that, I could attend on my own if they were ok with that. Funny thing is, my late wife drank socially and we were both totally ok with that,even went to wineries together, something that I share in my Match profile essay, but that cuts no ice with the women who are social drinkers that really want a social drinker. And the vast majority of women on Match in my area who are my age are at least social drinkers if not more than that, so this is a very serious issue in meeting someone compatible. Just another example of how online dating ends up, for most people, being too much like shopping, in which the shopper will only consider people who meet every damn item on their checklist instead of being realistic and flexible.

Reason three is that many women who are social drinkers like to spend a lot of time around their family and friends, who are also all social drinkers or maybe more than that, so any potential dating partner has to fit in with those crowds, and in their mind, if not reality, a non-drinker would not be acceptable enough.

I also suspect that very few women who are recovering alcoholics, the ones who would gladly accept a non-drinking man, end up on paid dating sites because they can always find men who are fellow non drinkers thru their meetings and programs of the recovery community. I'm sure that's why the dating sites are so skewed to people who are at least social drinkers.


Yes, I suppose if someone wanted to dictate makeup, hair products, etc., my interest would drop immediately. Especially if those products caused me rashes, for goodness sakes!

Not sure what one line would turn me off, but anything that indicates irrational spiritual beliefs, support for political candidates and social issues that are fueled by misinformation and propaganda are topics that kill any interest at all.

Funny, I just wrote those things down as "deal breakers" in an email to my ex-boyfriend, IF I were to be seeking a male companion, which I'm not... He is trying hard to rekindle our relationship, and I was explaining why I wouldn't choose him today as a new partner, if I was dating.

Not only does my ex-boyfriend hold the above irrational views, but there are many other "red flags" that if he was a new fella I was considering as a potential boyfriend, they would disqualify him in an instant.

For example, he currently lives with his former ex-girlfriend, platonically, but still, it is someone he used to sleep with, is very devoted to, and is leaving all his money to in his will.

Huge red flags for anyone I would think, and I told him that would be a deal breaker for any new gal he was interested for a new relationship. He failed to understand why. Um, well, I had a problem with it, and I'm exceedingly understanding. His devotion to his exes caused a lot of friction in our 8 year relationship.

If I don't give in to his wish to give our relationship another try, he plans to get on a dating site and look for another gal. I told him that most gals would say living with an old girlfriend (basically his ex-wife though they never married) would be a deal breaker for dating him longterm.

I'm sure happy without him in my life, but Valentine's Day is coming up, and having a guy in my life was nice in some ways... I told him I'd really have to think about it, since life was going so well on my own. If I do break down and give him another try, it will be on my terms, with boundaries. I surely wouldn't date him as a new possibility - but we have history together which counts for something and makes it easy and comfortable, but also hopeless.


Being a guy, the one TOPIC of conversation I can't stand is guy-bashing. Even though I hate men myself, ESPECIALLY myself, I get totally turned off by the obvious relish with which some women launch into their complaints about the male gender. And that doesn't even TOUCH on the cruel, even vicious way they treat men who don't inspire their gentle favors. Don't get me wrong, men deserve it. If I was a woman I'd be severely depressed to be surrounded by such morons. But, still, it gets old.

I do not understand bashing towards either gender. Yes, someone who has gone through an ugly relationship and/or break-up might feel particularly antagonistic towards that person, but to the entire gender? And, of course, ranting about the negatives of that gender to someone IN that gender seems pretty rude! Takes all kinds, right?!?

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