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I had to unfriend someone today on facebook. She is the one who sends private messages about me being saved, shares evangelical videos on my wall, and constantly comments with non-sequiturs on my posts.

It was hard to get to this point. She was the first person I connected with in college. She has mental health issues and is a little - i'm gonna say it - dumb.

I have been disregarded and rejected by some I thought would be in my life forever. I know how it feels to realize a friend is lost. But, it's causing me stress to have her in my life. I think there was only one other person I reconnected with and then had to unfriend because the people we have grown up into are very different.

I started wondering how much I have changed. I feel like I have been so empty all my life, I haven't got much of a personality. I'm not sure what drew them into my life. I feel maybe these ultra-religious and judgmental personalities were always embodied by these two in particular. Am i so apathetic that I didn't even see it?

Anyway, today had some big steps in my life for my mental health. This seems like an innocuous act, but i feel a sense of relief on this front.

By Lillyfield41
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24 comments

5

You have addressed many interesting points.

There is a direct correlation between - dumb and religious/mental health issues.

I once had a Catholic (fear and hate the gay, rape produced pregnancy is god's gift to women) believing co-worker ask to be my face book friend. I warned her I was not civil towards any faith based assertion but she decided to try. Didn't take her long before she (in what I am guessing was a state of tears) was forced to un-friend me. I hold no bards when exposing faith (belief without evidence) as a dishonest system used by the less then rational person to believe fact (supported by evidence) free nonsense over fact supported truth. As for your friend (that you have outgrown), I would have heartlessly shamed the (lack of arguments) your friend had posted. Unfriending her was kinder then what her outcome would have been had she posted nonsense on my page.

Your "I started wondering how much I have changed. . . " brought to mind a similar conversation I had with a woman who was a theist but a few years ago woke up and is now a rational atheist. She has a long list of differences including a new degree of outright hatred for theists. - - - How she has outgrown most people. She, with what appear to be relevant arguments, blames a great deal of her earlier bad choices on her theist based up-brining. Looking back, she finds it hard to believe how (stupid) she was when she was a theist.

I would say you made a healthy choice.

NoMagicCookie Level 8 Feb 11, 2019
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5

Maybe you could have shared some erotica on her wall, you know, let her know how it feels. Just kidding of course...losing someone to religious zealots sucks, sorry for you.

Lutherzme Level 7 Feb 11, 2019
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I never even reacted with a 'what the fuck are you talking about?' ... I just kept messaging her with boundaries she ignored. Ugh.

@Lillyfield41 A great opportunity to share some midget clown porn has passed you by =(

@Lillyfield41 Especially disappointing when you actually address it to them and they continue. Don't take it hard, she forced it on you, and now she will brag to her church how she's been unfriended by people because of her faith.

@maturin1919 Raptors on Hoverboards!

4

Bottom line, take care of you. Boundary crosser's bring it on themselves. Respect has to go both ways.

JazznBlues Level 7 Feb 11, 2019
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4

It happens. we change or they change. With family you can't do much.. but if they are just fb friends (your not seeing them in real life) it makes little sense to keep a toxic person around.

hippydog Level 7 Feb 11, 2019
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Family is a whole separate thing. ugh.

@Lillyfield41 i know right?!

4

Some friends are better lost than met. A sense of relief on that front...it's a very good start Lillyfield41 !

Merseyman1 Level 6 Feb 11, 2019
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4

Good for you for taking a stance.
I, from other friends had to go through the same thing, and learned a lot not only about their struggle, but their empowerment for taking charge.

For the most part my main circle of those that I would called friends, and they of me. Jugde each other on the merits of what kind of people we are, rather than any religious, or political beliefs.

Granted, it's not always been peaches, and ice cream. I've had to cull my friends list because they just can't seem to accept me for who I am.

Oh, and btw, I've read quite of your posts, and the last thing I would suggest is that you have no personality

TristanNuvo Level 8 Feb 11, 2019
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Thanks for your words. No personality- i suppose i have on. Ha! I do fear being uninteresting. I think i have shared this before - maybe not on AG?

4

Some people are dynamic, and they change as they explore, others are sloth and static, and never progress much beyond what they were in HS. I do not care how long someone has been in my life, if they start acting trollish, they are flushed down the toilet without hesitation, life is to short to put up with people who want to make things difficult.

THHA Level 7 Feb 11, 2019
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3

We have every right to discontinue communication with people who are abusing us, who want to prey on us, who cause us senseless discord and/or pain. I have un-friended people on facebook who were obviously trying to scam me -- as well as my grand-nephew who is so far out on the irrational religious and political right that we do not live on the same planet. I have also recently discontinued communication with a close friend of over 50 years, who, in his old age has moved to far in extreme religiousity and in reactionary political thought that continuing communication only hurts.

wordywalt Level 8 Feb 11, 2019
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3

We are all works in progress....if were lucky. You sound to me like you are one of the lucky ones. 😁

patchoullijulie Level 8 Feb 11, 2019
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3

I have met many family members I didn’t even know I had, reconnected to others I haven’t seen since we were kids. But some have veered in very radically different directions politically and most are theists. So after a time of my posting Liberal/Atheist/anti-Trump/anti-religion posts or their posting crazy Right Wing/god,god,god/miracle,miracle,miracle stuff, one or the other of us unfollowed the other. I seldom unfriend them, since they are welcome to tag me with funny or interesting pet memes, but we have no interest in sharing our life and thoughts. But in you case, if she could not respect the boundaries you set, dumping was probably your only option.

Barnie2years Level 7 Feb 11, 2019
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3

I'm sorry it came to this but people are either beneficial, nil or toxic to your life and for me toxic has to go. Release can also be a benefit.

mzbehavin Level 7 Feb 11, 2019
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3

Well I for one am happy to hear that you could make a good choice you could live with.

Mokvon Level 8 Feb 11, 2019
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3

Stay strong.

LetzGetReal Level 8 Feb 11, 2019
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3

Good for you for taking that stand

BudFrank Level 6 Feb 11, 2019
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2

There comes a time in every persons life when you sit and think who your really true friends are, and who seems to want to drag you down to their level(s). Yes,painful for some of us,especially if the friendship began in childhood,but we go on, new friends can be made,will your former good friends hate for what you did? Hard to say.....

Mike1947 Level 7 Feb 12, 2019
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2

Don’t feel bad, you took a big step. Its hard to let people go.
I’m sure plenty have blocked/unfriended me over religion, politics, and/or sexuality. Also stupidity is painful; I’ll kick to the curb for that. I’ve also deleted toxic folks from my life...takes awhile to get to that point, but once I slam the door, that’s it.

CarolinaGirl60 Level 8 Feb 11, 2019
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2

You're better off. You don't need nor deserve that kind of blatant attack on your intellect and choices.

motrubl4u Level 6 Feb 11, 2019
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2

Everybody always the opportunity to grow as a person. Some people take that opportunity. Some people do not. You have clearly chosen the former path. You have abandoned some of the things that were toxic to you, and you can now embrace other things that will benefit you.

irascible Level 8 Feb 11, 2019
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2

So glad I never got involved in facebook.

Gooniesnvrdie Level 7 Feb 11, 2019
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Its an old friend. I think seeing her in real life waned as her mental illness heightened. I like that facebook makes it pretty easy to connect with those from our past.

It took a while to get to the point where i realize its toxic to have her around, even in this buffered way.

@Lillyfield41 Yeah I get it, totally. I found old friends years ago with Myspace. Then I got their phone numbers and got rid of Myspace and that was it for me with that type of social media.

@Gooniesnvrdie I technically have a facebook "page", but the only thing on it is my name. I think it was automatically generated. A few family and friends have left friend requests, but I ignored going down that road. I used it once to get a phone number through messaging. To be honest, facebook always kind of gave me the creeps. Even more so the last couple of years. (Anytime people get too pushy about me not having a page, I just say I don't want one because I'm a teacher and students try to look you up and message you...and I'm not dealing with that.)

1

I've learned that I can simply unfollow rather than unfriend people on facebook. That way I can keep in touch, but not see their crap in my newsfeed. But I've not had someone posting crap to my wall.

bingst Level 8 Feb 12, 2019
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I've unfollowed groups but with people I usually reach the point of throwing them out entirely? That's interesting and I must ponder that.

@RavenCT I'm friended with a guy I knew in high school. At first, it was cool to be in touch with him. Eventually, it became clear that not only was he right-leaning, he was also a contrarian. I unfollowed him and never see his posts unless I go to his profile. We're still friended.

@bingst That could work?
I'm "Friends" with a ridiculous number of HS classmates.
I suspect it has to do with Memes? Although I'm really surprised by how many "remember me" who barely spoke to me in HS? lol

1

I have two friends I've known since high school who are very religious and they know I'm an atheist... To their credit they intially tried to 'save' me but quickly found out I wasn't having it and stopped.

They don't bring up religion to me and I never talk about my atheism... We've remained great friends.

They have been others that I had to cut off 100% because they simply wouldn't stop...

It is exhausting at times when some religious people decide they are going to be relentless about promoting their views to others they clearly know are the exact opposite... You did the right thing by dropping your now ex-friend.

Your peace is worth it.

Dmej114 Level 7 Feb 11, 2019
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0

Uncle Alain - right after Thanksgiving.

I will probably never meet him face to face. He's entirely opposite to me politically - and religiously. And he shit-posts on everyone's pages.

When one of my step-nieces admitted to unfriending him - it made me think "Well she's related by actual blood - wth is stopping me?".

My bridge too far? Was my sister's cat meme - with a cat in a bread basket on a well set table.... he suggested both a specific gun and bullet to be chambered.

I'd survived some of the barely veiled racism trying to "bring him over".

Apparently I'm Don Quiote and I'll tilt at windmills - until I figure out someone just can't be changed. Or you're harmful to my outlook on humanity.
He just had no need to make it hostile? One day after Thanksgiving?

I've seen some amazing engagements of people with and without religious beliefs or belief in utter woo - that would make you just smile so wide?
They just step around each other with respect. It's wonderful when that happens because we're all on different places on a path.
We do forget it occasionally though. Myself included.

RavenCT Level 9 Feb 12, 2019
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0

"Oh why won't you share these delusions with me?"

chucklesIII Level 7 Feb 12, 2019
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0

Get off of Facebook...

Qwent91 Level 5 Feb 11, 2019
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i like facebook.

@Lillyfield41 ...Damn.

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