Be your best self and those that are attracted to who you are will be attached. But be careful not to reject them using an old bias for the people who you’ve been attracted to in the past.

I'm not sure what right means honestly.

The Stars Never Aligned
Ironically I've found some people whom I connected with but they were the wrong sex or sexual orientation or were already in a committed relationship. While I felt a compatibility and a genuine joy for their personality, wit, and physicality they were not a match for me because of the conflicts aforementioned.

At this point of my life having left the dating game in exhaustion over 15 years ago. I have instead just looked for opportunities to enjoy being by myself. To love me and take "myself" out on dates, adventures, trips.. to act like a tourist in my own backyard (and everywhere I go). But I can confess I still need a connection with others in some capacity. So I try to find events and meet ups and this eventually leads to meeting people I can connect with. This ranges from people I can "tolerate", or even enjoy their point of view (even if I disagree with it) to even go so far as to love being around.

Expectations and "openness" are pathways to "hope", hope is the soul stealer. It fools you into desiring intimacy and perhaps co-dependency. The biggest trap is needing validation from another without accepting yourself first. At least that is some of the soul searching I've done in the past from attempting relationship after relationship, date after date..

No Expectations
It wasn't until I expected nothing would come of anything and surprised when they wanted to see me again. That was when I started to enjoy the experience even if I didn't a second date or even a phone conversation out of them, let alone any form of friendship or intimate connection.

For me, I try to understand someone even if I don't agree with them. Some disagreements though can cause tension. But I've started (and I'm not a saint here) to accept people for who they are and what I agree and disagree about their beliefs or way of being.

Being a natural empathic person I listen, I observe, I take in what they give, read their body language and try to understand. Some times in just one date I can see we may just be friends or could be more, or it may be unclear depending on how much they are trying to hide who they really are.

See and observe before you give too much, it is a fine line. That or take caution to the wind and give without expecting anything in return. If the act of giving pushes them away, then you know.. they were not right for you.

I tend to reserve any form of judgement with someone unless it becomes a serious issue. Even before that point I try to be open about it and if we can't get through or agree to disagree then clearly we should part ways.

The worst thing you can do is project what you want them to be over who they really are. That sets you up for disappointment sooner or later.

But hey, what do I know I've been "single" for pretty much most of my life so I am certainly not a "guru" on the subject. I've focused on learning new ideas, technologies, art styles, (mostly tried to stay away from popular culture and politics) and generally tried to better myself. Perhaps when others cross my path they might appreciate what I have to offer (other than my physical body, which after 35 wasn't as much of a draw anymore)

I will tell you life sure became more fulfilling when the person I started to put love and attention into was myself.

My standards have fallen to the point where I'm looking for mutual toleration.

Felt I could have written that.. PTSD included. What’s really messed with me is feeling as though I’ve met such a person, then finding or simply reminding myself she’s married. Often, to a decent guy. I get ‘that feeling’ again ...that the good ones are taken ..and the rest are dangerous.

Lost too much from a thirty year marriage/ r/s … then felt as though I’d experienced another 30 in 3 with a BPD (borderline pd) experience. Fu..

Finally, having and taken time to recover/ think about it… the odd’s don’t appear worth the effort.. I could ‘settle,’ there are some local opportunities, but that’s not what I want. Seems I want what I’ve never had … and maybe what doesn't actually exist - a female version of me I could both love & tolerate

So what, we look till we’re dead, or give up looking..? Lots seem to have given up, I notice loads of women palling around in groups ..doing their best not to think about men - with men in seemingly smaller groups ..doing the same.

What I have noticed is a willingness to allow someone close the leeway I’m less inclined to grant loudmouth strangers. Don’t know if that translates what I meant.. But in order to find, allow in, and become comfortable with someone we’re attracted to, there’s definitely a need to ‘back off.’ Seems caring & respectful. I’ve no reason to drive away someone I’m truly attracted to, but, as mentioned, seemingly on guard (damit).

I thought I might have found someone, but this morning before work, we had a text conversation that ended with her asking, "Can we still be friends and hang out some time?"

It was weird because when I talked to her, she could almost finish my sentences. We haven't known each other long; so it's not the most devastating loss. It just confirms what I knew already.

I have met people who "get me" a few times over the years. I just have not been attracted to them.

Felt like that, figured it wouldn't happen and quit "looking", then meet her here.

I don't try anymore. I'm as odd as two left feet.

It's doesn't have to be only a lover who "gets you."

Although I'm a Democrat and she's a Republican, my friend, Kameon, shares my intensity and silly sense of humor. We have a rollicking, fun time together. We "get" each other.

Life it seems can be an emotional roller coaster ride when it comes to the heart. Sometimes when we think that we have love all figured out life happens. I can't think of anything more emotionally stressing then a great relationship that goes bad,
I love to write and I've been toying with a love story thats topic is the "art of breaking up".
Falling in love is the easy part, staying in love is the challenge and the breaking up is probably the most distressing emotional part of living. Loss always devastating whether it's the death of a loved one or it's "the break up". It literally rips the heart in half and completely upsets the emotional apple-cart so to speak.

Finding the right person. That is the human algorithm or code. From the times we enter this world till we leave it love is always in the forefront, Finding mr/ms right is the "google" of life I like to say metaphorically, "Getting me" that's the stimuli. Finding that right fit, it's like shoes, if they fit poorly but look great it will ultimately result in disaster. Finding that happy medium of the shoe that looks appealing and still feels good is the goal and my 2ȼ is you just need to keep trying them on till one fits great and feels great until then we are only lying to ourselves. Many is the time that we choose looks over feel when balance is the need,

Good Luck!
Richard

That hasn't been my intention for some time now but I do remember when it was, and I did indeed feel that way about the whole matter. It was a lonesome feeling. I don't know if my experience can help or if it is only applicable for myself, but I will say that the moment I let it go, it had no more power over me. I have other things in my life that make me smile and give me something to focus my energy on. These things have helped me to nurture my own growth and in doing so, it has caused me to attract people who are more compatible with this more confident version of myself. It is a slow process, but not everything needs to be quick.

I feel like that all the time. It is what it is.

I understand. Maybe coz I'm shattered.

To me, the cynic, I think it is wrong thinking . . . I mean, I do not even get myself, let alone understanding someone else, and when people say they understand someone else, I am thinking to myself, "Yea, right."
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That which makes up each individual human . . . . is a long sequence of unique and diverse experiences, which shape each character in ways that are unfathomable to others. The fact that we can communicate at all is remarkable. It is in this context that we meet one another, like a blind man stumbling in the dark.
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If you have even learned another language you may come to realize just how shoddy communication is . . . . If I say the word "Noble", and ask 30 people to write the meaning of the word, none will likely match, and that is just one word that appears normally in a sentence of words.

That is what we are up against when we try to communicate.