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Hello everyone. I met a Muslim girl on another dating site and I was wondering what exactly I should say to her.

She has a degree in conflict resolution and I think she is questioning her beliefs, or at least the practices of her belief, and is very liberal in contrast with religious fundamentalism. She sees her beliefs as a source for progress. If it wasn't that way I wouldn't even give her a chance.

Are there any good resources anyone knows about or advice to give me to navigate this situation?

GregM 5 Apr 17
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18 comments

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0

Marrying a Muslim has certain risks and today it would be similar to when a Baptist married a Catholic several years ago. The main problem from your point of view would be that you both marry and get along and you feel that she is giving up some of her belief for yours. This probably is not happening. What if she felt the same way about you? This is where your basic ideas will clash.

Please See my second post.

0

I gather from what you wrote that she's not exactly a girl anymore. Just sayin'.

0

People are people. If you click, you click. If you wish to change her mind, do it by example.
The outlaws may be a problem for the relationship.

0

I think you're wasting your time, but that's just me.

0

You should probably just keep looking. No one wants to debate theology with a possible romance interest. Do both you and her a favor, find someone you have more in common with.

3

Don't expect any blowjobs.. if you care about that kind of thing.

Other than that, just treat her like you would any other person.

0

Just go with the flow. If she's not going to be an Agnostic, you'll have trouble!

0

If she wants to give up her faith, it’s her call. Don’t expect to change her. If she’s a groovy lady, why worry about it? I’ve met and dated some really great women from various faiths a time or two. (Even went to church once, but don’t tell anyone 😆) As of late, I’ve met a lot of Wiccans. I find these ladies fun, charming and witty...with no concerns of a mixed faith relationship.

0

Begin with the facts that a literate wise woman was first to marry the illiterate violent young Mohammed taught him to read and write his morphing quoran about Mosa and the alleged Jesua Nasoret....if your intellectual Islamist lady has burned her veils and wants to protect 6 million Muslim girls from having their clitoris and labia flesh mutilated by dirty knives....she can finish her journey by reading Ayaan Hirsi Ali great Atheist liberation autobiography

1

I can say from personal experience (Even though this was nearly 20 years ago) that no matter how her views change and how meaningful this relationship comes to be, eventually, you may have to deal with her relatives who are not open to ideas. This didn't stop me and shouldn't stop you, just be prepared for it.

If you wish to give her food for thought, point her to YouTube channels such as "Rationality Rules" as a good start for someone with a degree in conflict resolution as that implies she is more than capable of critical thinking.

When you are confident that she is capable of laughing at inconsistent theistic logic, try the "The Atheist Experience".

4

I would say as little as possible and let her figure it out for herself. Trying to convince someone to change often has the opposite effect.

0

does she know you're not a believer? i am sure she knows you're not muslim lol but does she know beyond that? i'd introduce that sort of soon. meanwhile, whatever you do, don't judge her by the quran any more than you'd judge a reform jew by biblical stonings and such. don't push her but be there for her when she questions beliefs, and try not to make your responses specific to islam, which could be read as bigotry even if it's not (which, from your post, i think it would not be). and meanwhile, have fun getting to know each other!

g

0

Goodbye

1

Be honest. Be upfront. Trust in yourself. And if religion is an issue, be prepared to walk away. Keep your sanity and your core values. (not that many religious people don't have strong core values - just know changing for another or expecting change isn't healthy and seldom works)

2

Be yourself. She is, after all, in the end a girl like any other. deserving of the love and respect you would give any woman who comes into your life.

Just be aware that if you get involved with her romantically and are seen by her family or community as trying to "convert" her or dissuade her from her beliefs there will be difficulties for her. This is irrespective of whether she is the one making the move away from her religion or not. You will be seen as a catalyst and used against her by people that wish to "save face"

I lived in Malaysia for a year. Saw a couple of really troubling situations that did not end well for the young lady. My two cents. Good luck. 🙂

What's your story from Malaysia if you don't mind my asking?

@Allamanda I don't think it matters of the location.. honor is honor no matter what street corner you stand on.

@GregM Protecting a woman’s modesty is a large issue in Islam. Generally my experience is based on watching people date.. or attempt to date. I’ve seen young women kicked out of their homes over what was considered the wrong choice of dating partner. This was made even more traumatic as they were forced to leave their house without wearing their tudung ( head scarf) as a sign of their moral failure.

Even if your potential paramour leaves her faith and decides to live under another god or as an unbeliever.. when she passes she will still be buried as a Muslim. Even if she specifically requests not to.

Challenging this faith is not for the faint of heart. Family and community “face” supersedes personal wants or feelings. Tread carefully is my advice.

@Allamanda Think what you will but there were two teen girls and their mother drowned in a canal in Ottawa, Canada 3 or 4 years ago by their father and brother.. they were becoming too westernized.

0

How about doing traditional "getting to know you" stuff instead of going all mormon door-knocker on her? You did say it was a Dating site, right?

Here is an excerpt from her profile:

"I'm a spiritual Muslim and try to fulfill the main tenants of the faith but also emphasize the importance of spirituality and seek to avoid a doctrinal, ritualistic approach to religion. I fear worshiping the religion rather than the Creator"

The whole getting to know you thing is surrounded and permeated by her faith.

@GregM then why not just move on? I cannot understand your angst.......

2

I am certainly not an expert (or even an experienced amateur) in the dating world, but wouldn't it be like any other situation where people have difference in their perspectives of the world? In which case, respect and honesty should be the key ingredients in any relationship.

Except that your core beliefs are going to influence the way you think, act, talk, etc. If your life is based around the idea that there is a magic man in the sky that cares for and protects you then how can I trust anything she says?

@GregM I don't know. I think we all have our own myths. Just because we are free of one particular myth, doesn't mean we are free of all. If she is able to question her own belief, I'd say that puts her in the head of the line in many cases. I've met atheists who cannot begin to question their own set of beliefs (not about god, but about other aspects of life). I don't automatically distrust religious people. And I don't automatically trust what an atheist has to say. Her core belief (as well as ours) isn't about religion at all. There are always other important factors at play. I say you connect (or don't) with that.

@KenChang I guess you have a good point. Maybe I have the relationship between what you believe and who you are reversed. These things influence each other don't they? I feel like it's a bit of a chicken and egg scenario.

0

Yeah, don't get to attached to her too soon. Just be honest about your beliefs and how you view hers. Let her do the same.

1of5 Level 8 Apr 17, 2019

0 emotional investment at this time, mostly indecision.

@GregM good. Relationships are hard enough as it is even if you believe the same things. But if you 2 mutually like each other it's worth exploring.

She in a predominantly Muslim nation, community, and/or family? Out side pressures can also throw wrenches into a relationship.

@1of5 Lives in USA, went to catholic school, definitely very active in the Muslim community. It's hard for me to say at this time what kinds of outside influences there are. I feel like she is used to being the odd one out though, maybe she's even proud of it.

@GregM Muslim that went to Catholic school? Uhm, ok. Keep your trolldar up.

@1of5 She has an active twitter, pictures with other prominent people in the Muslim community, and her profile is abnormally long. If she's trolling she is going above and beyond.

@GregM I'm just saying be carefully, is all.

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