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I do not know what American customs are, when you are starting to meet someone who is on the other side of the ocean, but I am Brazilian, I am suspicious, and I try to check what I can to know if what the person is talking about is true.
  Check the person through Facebook, and something scary?
Because I just did this, and the other person found it absurd.
  Nonsense I found, was to realize that perhaps what he told me in relation to him being single, is not true!
  I'm the kind of person who is of my character to be honest, and I want people to be with me in the same way.

ylma 5 May 26
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30 comments

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1

Nigerian? Prince?

That would be a NOPE

No, he's American.

@ylma "Nigerian Prince" in American slang is a conman who promises great riches in return for some investment on your part. You are both right of course, people who keep secrets have a reason.

@ylma Across thie Ocean? Where is this American then?

10

People are people. There are liars everywhere so you owe it to yourself to be suspicious and do whatever research you can. If the other person becomes offended when you challenge them, this is just confirmation of their guilt.

7

Nothing wrong with healthy skepticism.
You have every right to thoroughly check out any potential partner, or
friend. Especially those who are overseas.
Don't worry about what may be "customary". Follow your gut, do your
due diligence, and make sure you are completely comfortable that
whomever you're talking to is who they say they are.

7

Good that you checked him out. So many people who seem to be living in some kind of altered universe to what they perceive themselves to be.

7

You did nothing wrong, if they are telling the truth they have nothing to hide.

lerlo Level 8 May 27, 2019
6

It is always right to be cautious when communicating with a new person online. There are many dishonest people. It isn't paranoid to cross-check.

5

I'm too dull to be secretive.

Great tag line!! I'm stealing it!!

@Normanbites
That’s me through and through. I could have used it all along. You just thought of it before I did.
🎶You beat me🎶to the punch🎶

5

I always try to check someone out online if I will be involved, near or far. If they are offended I would be suspicious.

MsAl Level 8 May 27, 2019
5

Caution is always best.

4

Forget that guy and talk to me instead. I can guarantee you'll never meet a man more genuine and honest than me. ☺

Osso Level 3 May 27, 2019
4

reasonable

3

I think it's very appropriate to check out someone through online channels. If you really get serious why not do a background check?

3

Don't try to find love online from across the seas. It does not work.

2

Some months ago(maybe a year,now) after my late wife's passing I used a dating site,and connected with a white Woman from South Africa,we texted up a storm on e mails and google hangouts,things were going good,but my suspicious side said"Look deeper", so I used Google Earth and cross checked her phone numbers,none of it made sense of what she told me,so be careful in the search for a significant other in your life....

2

Weird coincidence. My brother recently told me he is going to Brazil to get a Brazilian girlfriend because he is "done with American women." I refrained from engaging in that conversation and suggesting that the problem might be him and not American women. My sister showed me that he is FB "friends" with several Brazilian women. I find it sad and desperate to intentionally seek international love only because one is striking out at home.

That said, if I was pursued by anybody from overseas on a dating site, I absolutely would do a criminal background check and credit report, if possible. And it would be a very very long time before I invested too much (living space or money). If he has a problem with your being smart and cautious, he's bad news.

Many Americans prefer Brazilians because we are hotter than native ones. Not if it's really true, I think it's out of curiosity.

@ylma The cstoms,language,behavior,and foods are diferent,many pairing have taken place with an American husband and a foreign born wife,especially if the Man is in the Armed Forces, and is stationed in the wife's country,I think I would have married a Woman from Panama about 1971,had I been there longer,we were dating,and were getting serious, but the Air Force sent me orders to go back to Thailand,as my skills were needed there.

2

This is one of the reasons websites like Agnostic/humanist.com are better than the "dating" sites.
AG provides a way to review/read whatever a person has posted. This is an amazing difference compared to the other connection sites.
No one can really hide what they really think, how they respond, and therefore, their general demeanor in "conversations" and interactions. All that a person is is recorded here. It is difficult to uphold a facade over dozens of posts and many months of involvement.

I met him on this site.

@ylma so, one down, thousands to go.

2

Unfortunately honestly is not the prevalent attitude from Americans on-line. Especially from males in America. Always check into those meet on-line if you intend to interact with them beyond public spaces (virtual or IRL). If they have a problem with it then they most likely have something to hide.

I've had a lot more women than men lie to me.

@Piratefish I'm sure the opposite would say the same. I wonder why.

@beenthere The sexes lie to each other. But as a group, I would say men lie far more often: to get a woman in to bed, to keep from getting blue-balled, to impress a woman, to protect her feelings, to keep the peace, etc., etc., etc.

2

For the other to make fun of your ground rules
seems they were fake or shallow .
Welcome ,and be who you choose to be.

2

Always be careful. Good for you for checking.

2

Only liars have something to hide. An honest person would not mind if you were checking. Because the person you spoke to thought it "absurd" for you to verify what you were told, that in itself is a sign he is lying. I'm sorry you had to experience this. Good luck.

Thanks

"Only liars have something to hide." That is a logical leap. Much privacy has been lost/taken with that assumption.

who needs absolute privacy, should not have social networks.

@beenthere No, it is not a leap. What it doesn't say is everyone has something to hide and in the right circumstances it can be the right thing to do ... and that also describes "the reason for privacy"

2

I would think finding out what you can before you meet is a good idea, people can say anything on a dating site. It is getting enough true information out of them to check them out elsewhere. I know I do not give out my full name, tell where I work or give out my personal number until I have met someone and get a sense of who they are, but even then they could be lying.

2

I can understand your being suspicious, especially of anybody claiming to be an American under the current situation. Confirming information given you should not cause any problems to the person providing this information unless the information is known to be untrue. Best of luck finding someone with the willingness to be as honest as you.🙂

Thanks

2

You will get the hang of it. Keep trying.

SCal Level 7 May 27, 2019
2

I think it's best to assume that everything they tell you is a lie and tell you no different.

I agree as far as the internet and social media is concerned. I have been on the internet and dating sites for over 20 years and I know of what I speak. Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see is good policy.

1

Do you dive in a pond before getting to know it and its potential hazards? Perhaps you should visit America and get familiar with its customs before an intimate relationship with its inhabitants.

I've never had an interest in going to the US, and I do not have any. He who came into contact with me, and we know him, I was clear that he should come if you want to know me.

1

Wow, someone lied about his relationship status on a dating site? That has to be a first. But I sincerely doubt lying about that is hardly linked to any one nationality more than another. A Brazilian is as likely to lie as a German, as an Australian, as a Canadian, as an American. What does nationality have to do with honesty? There are liars in every country.

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