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Why are there hardly any young people on this app? Does athiesm/disbelief appeal more to older people for some reason?

texasathiest09 5 May 31

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With age, comes wisdom.


Young people have higher expectations for functioning software. We grew up/worked with Windows 95 et al, we tolerate or even enjoy playing with the ins and outs of an imperfect platform


Most people who identify as agnostic or atheist take several years to reflect before establishing a set belief system. Atheists and agnostics are highly inquizitive individuals who contemplate what they do and do not believe as opposed to simply integrating the information which was fed to them by influential adults in their formidable years and sticking with it for their entire lives.


As an old technophobe I find it interesting that some people call this site an "app". To me it is a forum for discussing everything from religion to sexual perversions, and I believe a dating site as well.

Some new member posted a while back "this app is a snooze" ??. I really must get up to speed with modern English usage.

I think those who access the site via an icon on their phone or mobile device might consider it an app. I prefer the larger screen of my laptop, so I consider it a website. I can access it through my phone via the icon and still consider that to be the mobile form of the site. I would guess that anyone calling it an app is likely using a mobile device, rather than a computer, so it's a "apt" word I guess. πŸ™‚


"App" is a catch-all word. It's confusing. Now my computer calls features like Windows Fax and Scan "apps." To find a program or feature, I must "Search apps."

What the hell? It's confusing.

On my smartphone, it turned out I needed to download an app to listen to voicemail. This used to be a built-in feature on cell phones.

"How do I access my voicemail?" I asked, frustrated, at the T-Mobile store. "You have to download an app," the clerk replied.

"Which app?" I asked. "Will you please download the correct voicemail app on my phone?"

She did it in five seconds. "Senior citizens are the only people who come in asking for help with their smartphones," she said unkindly.

@LiterateHiker Love it. I don't own a smartphone only an aging Blackberry because I like the little keyboard for texting. I'm ashamed to say I wouldn't recognise an app if I tripped over one.


Remember the Honda Element? And PTCruiser? And blue tooth wireless headsets? They were supposed to be designed for young hip urbanites. Instead, us old fucks bought them so kids avoid them like the plague. Old fucks ruin everything. Like presidential elections.

And voting the UK out of Europe. If there is another referendum maybe a lot of them will have died off in the three years since the last one πŸ™‚


Being non-religious is far more common with young people, so they may not be seeking a refuge from religiosity as much as those of us from an older generation.

When I was in my twenties and thirties, I suffered much anguish and hatred from Christians who treated me like a leper because I wasn't Christian. Wouldn't let me be in the same room as their children, etc.

Years of that takes its toll on a person so that therapy such as this discussion site gives a much needed respite from the daily fears of persecution in our real life family and social groups.


I feel there are a Bunch of young people on here.....but maybe it depends on your "vantage point"...I am almost 71

Right on


We have a few but many are too self involved


maybe they look and just see a load of oldies chatting - like bars, you look for a place full of people like you


Young people are busy with Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, playing video games, Google, watching porn, etc.

As simple as this, my favorite answer!

Maybe not the sex part. []


I changed "having sex" to "watching porn."

It's sad that young men believe porn that degrades women is the way to have sex.

Thanks for the link to the article.


Young people are still getting together to have sex. I think the kids these days call it, "Netflix and chill". It's when you hook up with someone for sex and then watch movies or play video games between getting it on.

Then again, "Netflix and chill" may be old school terminology by now. It's hard for a wrinkly old raisin like me to keep up.

@LiterateHiker I ran into some of that when I was a counsellor. Not just young men. Some women tried to be tolerant although most were not β€” and shouldn’t have been β€” but they never felt that they mattered and the relationships broke up. Last summer I heard from a woman who had moved into my area after she and her husband split. He was always watching porn and had tried to justify it on the basis of a higher sex drive than her but I could not get them to cuddle and be close when I saw them because he would not be vulnerable or open. They were both AD/HD and that presented additional obstacles. BTW I mean to thank you for the Brune Brown lead. Just rec’d a copy of her book. But men do not understand intimacy and closeness and vulnerability. Vulnerability is seen by them as risky.


Thank you for your insightful reply.

Which book by Brene' Brown did you get?

@LiterateHiker Daring greatly which is what her TEDx video reprised I think.


"Wrinkly old raisin like me" is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh.


Of course, you need to ask yourself why business as a couples counselor was going so well for you. If women really wanted men who understood intimacy, closeness and vulnerability then they'd be involved in relationships with men who understand those things and kicking the rest of the pack to the curb.

It seems to me as though the men who possess those traits don't tend to fair so well In the dating and mating game, being labeled with traits such as "pussy", "wet noodle", "wussy", "wimp", "nerd"..... The list goes on and on.

It isn't the quarterback of the football team sitting at home alone on prom night.

I would attribute current human dating and mating habits to left over remnants of the ancient hunter/ gatherer societies prevalent when we were living in caves and still being driven mostly by instinct.

When it comes to our dating and mating behaviors, we're still being driven mostly by the reptilian brain motivators which dictate that the physically strongest, most aggressive and brutish male members of the tribe represent the preferred mates because they are most able to protect and privide.

The fact that we've invented airplanes, toaster ovens and xbox and built ourselves fancier caves to live in doesn't change who we are at the core of our being.

Perhaps when you counsel couples it would be helpful to take in to account the base instincts which drive us as humans. It might help these folks to better come to grips with who they are and why they drift towards the relationships that they do.


I have never liked brutish, aggressive men. Jerks.

Instead, I am attracted to highly intelligent men with a great sense of humor. The mind is the greatest sex organ.

Am dating a medical doctor who is kind, patient, highly intelligent, funny and an extraordinary lover.

A competitive bicyclist, Bill is extremely fit and 10 years younger than me.

"You are my dream girl," Bill said recently.

@webbew1 Your comments are incredibly simplistic and uninformed as well as based on reified theory. Human behaviour is NOT and has NEVER been logical. You also attribute behaviour to instincts and motivation. Still too linear. It is way more complex than that. And after 48 years of success I do not really think pop psychology suggestions would be helpful to me or for that matter any other practicing couple therapist. There is a ton of research about what you say and it has yet to point to a simple solution as you seem to imply might exist. And the most promising direction has been totally ignored by you. Check out Why Bad Beliefs Don’t Die. Also that up to 98% of our behaviour stems from the unconscious β€” which may or may not include instinctual roots β€” as we are learning from cognitive psychology such as narrative therapy framing and socialization.


"Am dating a medical doctor..."

Ah... money. The great equalizer.


While I will agree with you that, as in anything, there are no absolutes and that exceptions do exist, you still need to ask yourself why couples counselors do such a brisk business and one of the primary complaints of the woman in the relationship is that her partner is not vulnerable enough. Until you can come to grips with why the woman chooses the aggressive male over the sensitive one in the first place, I don't know that you can truly help couples to better understand each other or to manage their relationships.


In his plane, Bill flies me over the Cascade Mountains where I love to hike.

"Where do you want to go?" Bill asks. I love it!


Nice! Sounds like a blast.

Note to all younger guys just entering the dating pool....

If you're not the assertive or athletic type, put your nose to the grindstone and get rich. Really stinking rich. Become a successful doctor or architect or attorney or pick up a guitar and get really good at it.

That's the way you can even the odds in the dating game.

@webbew1 Again you make assertions without supplying the data. Certainly that is not a conclusion the Gottmans have reached.


Sure I did. YOU are my supplied supporting data. You and every successful couples counselor who has purchased a weekend cabin at the lake or a top of the line Harley Davidson motorcycle with the fees they've collected from $120.00/hr. counseling sessions.

If we were talking about research in to the aspects of the human mind which allow us to formulate the mathematical concepts that explain particle physics, then yes it would require a more in depth discussion, complete with applied research and source quotations from experts in human brain physiology and psychology.

But we're talking about base behaviors here. The part of the human mind which functions purely on instinctive reactions developed over millenia of evolution.

So the question becomes, if x number of couples are seeking counseling, and y number of female partners in those relationships are complaining that their partners aren't demonstrating enough vulnerability and intimacy, then what core instinctive human behavior leads the female partner to choose a mate with such characteristics?

If couples counselors can answer and come to grips with that question, then they can do a much better job of helping couples to understand themselves and lead happier lives.

Attempting to add complexity where none exists accomplishes little. Human mating interactions are not complex. When it comes to this particular aspect of ourselves, we are still living in caves and hunting our prey by throwing rocks at it.

@webbew1 I always worked for an agency where usually the counselling was free or on a sliding scale so that people could afford it. We never denied service because of fees. And if they were set too high initially or financial circumstances changed, there was an appeal process for them to be lowered or eliminated.

And humans do not function exclusively on base processes as research has shown repeatedly and that you are denying. Show the data.

What makes you such an expert on what is required to help couples? Your comments are reified theories without data to support them. Nor I would guess, experience. Unless you went for counselling and were unhappy with the results. And I can guess why that would be the case too.


It seems to me as though we're running around in circles at this point, ToolGuy. There's really no point in moving forward with this conversation.

I believe that core, base instinct behaviors and reactions are set in stone and invariable. As far as I'm concerned, attempting to change base behaviors in romantic pairings rather than helping each partner to understand why they behave the way they do is an exercise in futility. It's attempting to pound square pegs in to round holes, and to me it falls in to the same classification as "so called" gay conversion therapy.

You clearly believe otherwise.


People can grow and change.

@webbew1 Well isn’t that interesting?! You are a believer on a non-believer website. The evidence before our eyes and historically is that the vast majority of humans believe in God(s) so one could easily conclude that at our base cores we are believers in the divine just as we have animal instinctual behaviour about sex which I also believe to be true. So how did you escape that genetic trap and wind up here as an alleged non-believer in one of humans core instincts?

The key to your position is that you β€œBelieve” without examining the available evidence and in fact denying both the evidence and/or the possibility of another set of theories to be examined. As a species and as individuals I hypothesize that we are biologically constructed to believe in magic. Magical thinking. Over time we as a species and as individuals we may evolve/develop the capacity for limited logical thinking but do we ever lose the capacity for magical thinking? I would suggest from your comment above that you are still struggling with that dichotomy and it goes back to reifying theories. As adults our capacity for magical thinking morphs into fabricating theories about everything and then we often reify those theories β€” acting as if they were proven despite data to the contrary. Even our scientific methodology of developing a null hypothesis and then looking for the empirical data that allows us to reject the null hypothesis with a 95% probability threshold may be evidence for that.

The latest scientific evidence from biological and genetic research suggests that our genetic material that you seem to assume is immutable is in fact altered by our experience. In short, what @LiterateHiker said.


They may not see as much resistance to atheism as someone from a different generation. My adult children was raised without religion, their friends who are religious don't care. It rarely comes up. But in my generation it seems to be a problem, particularly in the south. They and I were raised in New England and was never really asked my religion. I've been in NC for 6 years and have been asked if I'm Christian about 6 times usually upon the first meeting. I simply say no, but one time a new co-worker wouldn't take that answer. She went through a couple of other religions asking if I belonged to one of them. I finally just told her I didn't believe in any. She was a bit shocked but did end up being a friend. I'm not sure if she truly understood I was an atheist but it doesn't really matter. I was raised Catholic and since your indoctrinated in that religion it can take a while to come to terms. I knew I didn't believe in a God in my twenties but could not refer to myself as an atheist for about 20 years.


Its because us old folks got here first and are constantly screaming at the kids here to get the fuck off our lawn. Then we turn on the sprinklers. Sorry, but we just reseeded it and you kids have no respect for the effort it takes us old farts to maintain a lawn both worth walking on and protecting from people walking on it.

See, life just gets tougher as you age.

What was the question, again?

1of5 Level 8 May 31, 2019

no, statistically it's the other way around, at least in the US. I think the site design may appeal more to older users in some ways though, and it being not-primarily a dating site too. Perhaps younger Americans are less isolated in their lack of belief.

Good point. They are the secular generation.

I agree especially the last point. My daughter is a senior at college and gets a lot more opportunity to talk than I ever get. Her friends come to her to ask her opinion whereas people only come to me to pick arguments.


Young people are more interested in getting laid.

So are half the users on this site. I'm not sure it's a really big difference

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