Agreed

If I was the one dealing with BC and after 5 plus years of all the down sides (cost, side effects and in the case of the pill risk of cancer or stroke) of BC I find out my partner could not get me preggers due to a medical procedure he CHOOSE to have long b4 we hooked up and NEVER mentioned I'd be tempted to cut his fuckin' balls off.

@silverotter11 But she wasn't. She was not on any BC, and she intended to get pregnant all along. Despite him telling her he wasn't interested in marriage or children.
Not to mention, vasectomies fail with surprising frequency, and you never know it's failed until there's a pregnancy.

@KKGator Clearly these two were too self absorbed to really care about each other so it probably is good they did not reproduce. I do not like being lied to, lies of omission sorta make me crazy too. Full disclosure is my motto. There is personal stuff and then there is the stuff that effects both parties. In any event I thought this was an interesting post and enjoyed my morning coffee reading all the comments.

I don't know.
Dan was pretty clear, right from the start. He said he didn't want to
get married, and he didn't want children.

Seems to me that Melanie didn't communicate that she intended to
ignore him and try to get pregnant anyway.

Since Dan had a vasectomy, it could be useful info. Because she didn't have to buy her birth control or if she accidentally skipped. I already agreed she was in the wrong, too. Just because she was deceitful doesn't counter his lack of communication

@kraseyk She intended to try to get pregnant.
He was clear about his position.
He owes her nothing.

@KKGator Right. At this point he doesn't owe her anything. But the question is asking if he should of told her about the vasectomy. My answer is still yes, because by laying all cards on the table is mutually beneficial.

I thought about that scenario, we should explore that idea

@m16566 This sounds like a scenario from some terrible late night TV drama. It would force them to be honest with each other at the very least.

That is even more misogynistic to paint Melody as stealth breeder....and leaves out the fact some vasectomies fail

@GreenAtheist You see this kind of shit happening on TV all the time, you can't tell me you haven't read a book or seen a movie or show where something like this was the plot.

How do you know that the plot isn't that Melody is cheating on Dan?
How do you know that the vasectomy didn't fail?
What if she isn't actually pregnant and just wants answers?

Why are you getting angry about a joke?

@Ms_McSteven That's just it though. She wasn't doing that. She lied when she said she had the birth control situation taken care of. She had every intention of getting pregnant despite Dan telling her he didn't want kids. She came right out and said she wondered why she hadn't gotten pregnant yet. She'd been trying the whole time.
She was being intentionally deceptive from the start.

I agree with you...he stated very clearly his intent at the very beginning...she thought he was going to change his mind over time...she was the deceptive one...

@Ms_McSteven And IF she'd been on the Pill, it could have been for reasons other than contraception, as it sometimes is.
I don't see Dan as being an "awful" person, at all. He was truthful from the start.

@Ms_McSteven LOL
The sex was probably pretty good, and ahe had intentions of getting knocked up.

Agreed, I just forgot to mention that in my post.

@oldFloyd Which part??

@KKGator lying from the very beginning.

He was. She wasn't.

@KKGator

Read the last line of the post. He never told her he had a vasectomy.

@LiterateHiker I know he didn't tell her. He did, however, tell her he didn't want to be married or have kids. That makes not telling her about the vasectomy irrelevant.
She's the deceptive one, far more than he.

@Ms_McSteven As I just said in a previous response to much the same comment, contraception often fails, uncluding vasectomies. Just based on the info given in the OP, Melody was being duplicitous and Dan was under no obligation to tell her anything.

Dan didn't lie.
He was really clear about not being interested in marriage or kids.
He's under no obligation to tell her about his medical procedures.

@KKGator The cruelest lies are often told in silence.
Robert Louis Stevenson

@Happy_Killbot Dan didn't lie about anything, in any fashion. He was truthful from the start.
He said he didn't want children, or marriage.
That was all he needed to say.

@KKGator He isn't telling Melody about the vasectomy. He is lying about it by not telling her about it. That is technically a lie, although a passive one. Melody is lying to Dan the same way by not telling him that she is no longer on birth control. They are both lying. Keeping a secret is still a violation of ones integrity, and both are guilty of this infraction.

Just to demonstrate, I could make the same argument you make about Dan about Melody.

MELODY didn't lie.
SHE was really clear about BEING INTERESTED IN MARIAGE AND KIDS.
SHE's under no obligation to tell HIM about HER NO LONGER TAKING BIRTH CONTROL

@Happy_Killbot Your attempt at reversing the argument doesn't wash.
He said he had NO intention of getting married or having children. Period.
He answered a direct question honestly.
The vasectomy was merely a safeguard on his part. It wasn't a "lie". He still had no intention of having children. He, at no point, engaged in deception, through omission or anything else. He also had no obligation to tell her about his vasectomy. He'd already answered her question.
Melody, on the other hand, was absolutely deceptive from the start. She intended all along to get pregnant, despite Dan answering her question in the negative.

@KKGator Melody does want children, and her desperate act of deceit would have worked if Dan did not get a vasectomy. Although she did not state it directly, it is apparent from her actions that she does want kids and marriage. Her futile attempt to get pregnant is just her way of expressing that desire. She is wasting her time with Dan chasing that desire, because she just doesn't want to move on and accept that Dan doesn't want kids or marriage. Dan is taking advantage of her because of her own choices.

I am not arguing that he is obligated to tell her about the vasectomy, I say that it is his decision to tell or not, and if he has any self respect he will tell her.

@Ms_McSteven

It makes no difference whatsoever if Melody knew about the vasectomy or not. She knew what the word NO meant didn't she?

@Ms_McSteven
Not that hypothetical. I've had a vasectomy and never told any partners about it other than to say I don't want kids. How did you get artificial hormones out of Ive got it taken care of?

Since the actual question was should Dan have told Melody about his vasectomy? I think you should refrain from judging the reading comprehension of others.

And yes, he should have told her. If there's no reason to put her body through using BC he's an asshole for making her do it.

@1of5
Talk about problems with reading comprehension where in that story did she mention she was taking BC? She could have had her tubes tied. A hysterectomy. Any number of reason that she couldn't get pregnant having nothing to do with BC pills.
No he was and is under no obligation to tell her after she said she took care of it. Unless we are to assume she's lying her ass off because she is a woman. Is that what we're doing here? Because the poor little deer is only a woman so we can't hold her accountable for her words because we all know wink wink women have no idea what they are talking about and should never be taken at their word? Give me a break.

@Anonbene right. She could have done any number of things, but our idiot author here specifically mentioned BC pills. Should she have disclosed her method? Absolutely. Should he have told her he had a vasectomy so she wouldn't have to use BC at all? Absolutely.

But the assumption that 2 people could be in a relationship for that long without discussing the method being used to prevent pregnancy is the idiotic thing here.

@Ms_McSteven

Let me answer you with the abortion answer. It is absolutely no one's business what me and my doctor decide what I do with my body. Not now not ever.

@Ms_McSteven

I've only had long term relationships. One 12 years and another 16 years. I don't think I ever had a hookup whatever that is.

The idiot author specifies that when came to live with Dan there were no birth control pillS.
if Dan had not had a vasectomy should he have accepted the baby trap without question?

@Ms_McSteven
Bail out? With 18 years of child support payments?

@Ms_McSteven
Unless the laws have changed The men have no say if the woman keeps the baby or not just like women have no say if the guy gets a vasectomy or not.

He did. He said he wasn't interested in marriage or children.
She was deceptive. When she said she had the birth control situation taken care of, she was lying. She had every intention of getting pregnant.

@KKGator I would be very pissed at a guy that made me take birth control for five years for no reason. If he had been considerate at that time, he would have said something about the vasectomy at that time. At that time. The whole relationship was doomed in this sceanario, and because we know what happened, arguing about it is wasted effort. Any person who put their whole trust on another for birth control is a idiot. like a guy telling me he had a vasectomy so he doesn't have to wear a condom. Sorry, but that doesn't protect me from STD's. No one should be the only one who is in charge of something like that.

@Hathacat I don't believe for one second that she was ever even taking birth control pills. She had every intention of getting pregnant by a man who told her that he didn't want children, or marriage. She said so out loud.
His not telling her of the vasectomy pales in comparison to her deception.
Which, if she had had her way, would have resulted in children whose father
would have likely resented their existence.

@KKGator We can disagree then. She did not actualy say she wanted any of it and might, at least at first, have had a IUD, which he didn't know about, so looking for pills that were not being used would be stupid. They never had a adult conversation.

She was told in plain English. She "knew" he didn't want to have kids. What part of that is debatable? No further input needed.

@Anonbene
It’s a relationship
Lots of input is needed

Nothing ever is cut and dry

As as much as she knew
He knew as well

When I wrote this I imagine that Dan, after discovering no birth control would just let it go.
after all there now living together.
I thank Melody believes Dan will come around when presented with a newborn baby girl.
in reality he would have no choice.
if Dan saw the regular birth control regiment daily he might tell Melody that it is not necessary.
under the circumstances I can understand why" Dan would let sleeping dogs lie"

yes the moral dilemma was desired no clear resolution.
I have seen scenarios like this in the real world.
it was designed to be a moral gray area

@m16566 But that's just it. I don't see a gray area. Why should Dan tell her he had a vascetomy? He already made it clear to her he didn't want to get married and have kids.
That's me. I'm 66, never married, no kids. Never regretted it.
The only thing "contrived" is her not knowing about it. But okay, I can think of an outlandish reason or two that might explain it. Let's just say for the sake if argument that's the case.
Melody was absolutely WRONG, Dan is in the clear. Period. I just don't see any ambiguity.

I totally agree on that I just forgot to mention it in my post.